My teachers must think i'm an idiot.

coriander1992

I'm sorry, but I have to rant about this.
I cannot get through one school day without doing atleast 10 stupid little things that make me seem like such a weirdo. It drives me insane!

For example, today my teacher asks me if I understand all of the work and if there are any bits I don't get. I stupidly say yes, so he begins to explain this particular subject and I just cannot look at him. I have to look away and then he keeps saying my name, obviously annoyed that I am not maintaining eye contact with him while he talks. I just can't do it. I end up not even hearing what the guy says because i'm too busy obsessing over not being able to look in his eyes. I can only look for about 5 seconds max at one time, then I have to look away..but he maintains constant eye contact so I look like such a fool for looking away.

And another example..in P.E. we are doing dance at the moment, so teach asks us to create a dance and perform it. I feel so arkward, ugly and pathetic trying to dance infront of the rest of the class it's unreal, but there is no way I can get out of it as I used to be in dance clubs in school pre-social anxiety, so the teacher probably thinks i'm just damn lazy.

I just have no confidence in myself at all. Even stupid things like if I try to wear a different hair style to school, i'll arrive and if anybody so much as looks at me for longer than 2 seconds I have to take it out and put it back to normal because i'm stressing that people are talking about me or that I look bad or whatever. I can't stand anybody looking at me because I just think they are thinking bad things about me, and I can't stand that. I can't eat infront of anybody without my hands shaking and me looking an idiot, I can't walk without wobbling all over the place and looking an idiot, I can't even breathe with my mouth open when I have a cold because i'm worried what people think about it!
What the heck is wrong with me Mad

I'm convinced everybody there thinks i'm strange and ugly and weird!!

GAH, sorry about that I just had to get it out Rolling Eyes

_________________
~ "I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had" ~

smyth · Newbie User Joined: Apr 26, 2007 Posts: 34

ur not alone. I cannot keep eye contact unless i force myself, but then like u i miss half the convo because im telling myself to keep eye contact or that i shud look away because ive been lookin for too long arghhhhhhhhh, viscious cycle. !! lol. at school i wud dread moments when the teacher wud make me perform/read in class , i missed a hell of a lot of school because of this and i wish theyd introduce something in schools so that ppl with anxiety or shyness didnt have to do shit like that.

coriander1992 · Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:04 pm Post subject:

EveM · Posted: Fri Jan 11, 2008 10:21 pm Post subject:

smyth · Newbie User Joined: Apr 26, 2007 Posts: 34

lol tell me about it! i used to hate walking in assembly when the hall was full and my class had to walk all the way to the back to sit down!!! omg that was orrible lol. i think teachers think if they force ppl to do stuff like reading in class it will build character and confidence or woteva, it just made me have shit loads of days off watchin kilroy (old school chat show) lol.

Midnight · Newbie User Joined: Jan 06, 2008 Posts: 27

Yeh I can relate!
Everyday I worry that I'm gonna do something that will make people think I'm wierd, like if I have to read out in class and I stumble over words/shake cos I'm nervous.. I hate going to assembly for the fear that I might have my name called out or that ill get called up to collect an award or something. I hate doing presentations.. even if it's just like a paragraph I have to read out in front of a small class I get extremely nervous/go bright red, makes me feel like such an idiot. Once the teacher said I had to read out in the whole school assembly but I couldn't take it I just skipped the day of school Confused

*sigh*

miss_amy · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 21, 2007 Posts: 285

I can relate totally. Been long time since I went to school but I remember those feelings really well..

I was diagnosed with an eating disorder at school but the reality was that I was just so nervous I couldn't eat. They put me in a eating unit which made me worse!

Does anyone else find that other people translate your nervousness as being rude? I find that which brings in a whole load more problems.

coriander1992 · Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 2:50 pm Post subject:

recluse · Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject:

School is hell for a social phobic. I remember one cocky kid who was in my class who came up to me at break time with his friends and he was trying to get me to talk to diss me o'r something, anyway i froze and just stood there saying nothing and he turned to his friends and laughed saying ''He never talks he just looks at you!''....Asshole, anyway i got the last laugh when he cried like a baby when we had the bcg jab in school! Laughing

Even some of the teachers were assholes and liked to show me up because it probably made them feel superior. There was one teacher in particular; One of the sports teachers. He was calling out our names and he pretended that he hadn't heard my answer of ''Here sir!'' and he kept shouting over and over because he knew that i could not raise my voice because of my shyness. I hate that bastard to this very day.

coriander1992 · Posted: Sat Jan 12, 2008 6:54 pm Post subject: