Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 4:09 pm Post subject: My story
I always unwillingly worry about things that could be perfectly resolved if i kept my cool & stopped this uncontrollable worry... I used 2 get beaten up & picked on real nice in school & my mistake was i never fought back, ran away & thought i am stupid & a coward..
Till i graduated & started univ. Met new people but was always anxious because i was afraid that i could say something stupid & they will end up just like the ones that were in school, which happened for a while in my first 2 years...
I still occasionally meet with people from my school when i speak to them this feeling of fear comes back to me & i think im weak...
This nervousness & fear draws bully natured people 2 f**k with me & i cant control it... I could defend myself & fight but in some times i cant calm myself down to think things out & sort it out with them smartly rather i ignore which makes me feel bad...
I am 20, smart & mature more than many people of my age, im a pretty tall good looking guy but cant stop this fear which ruined & still keeps ruining some steps in my life... This fear caused me to avoid social contact in my mid teens which means i dont have much friends & never had a girl...
I fear that this will affect my future career, way people preceive me, marriage & the way i someday will raise my children...
Hey dude, I know what you mean. Kind of. I am 28 and have alot of of problems with extreme rash/blushing as a sign of nervous or anxious energy. I try to keep myslef calm but it happens anyway. But only in certain situations.
I'm good looking guy, in shape and a medic. I ahve confidence around women which comes from growing up around them so that's not a problem, but in a situation like: a job interview, a test, drinking alcohol, any heated/exciting discussion, being questioned, or in anticipation of any of those types of situations I turn red and blotchy all over my neck, chest and face. Mostly my neck. It's so annoying. I try to find way's to combat it but it controls so much of what I feel comfortable doing. As a medic it's very difficult because it shows in any emergency and it makes it look as if I am scared.
I have become very pro-active to combat this prblem but it still happens. I just had to take my Emergency Vehicle Operators Certification and when I was driving I could feel my neck getting all blotchy. The instructor just looked at me and said "are you ok?" As soon as i was done I couldn't face the rest of the class so I excused myself by saying I had to go to the bathroom. It's becoming very hard to deal with.
I'm glad I have found people who can understand.
Thanks Folks!
_________________ "we must all have the will to live." B.H.
have you ever been beaten up or humiliated & just stood there like a coward??
I always have nightmares about that if somebody tries to offend me or one of my family & i just stand there doing nothing... I hate it & i always get nervous when getting approached with bullies or hustlers who like fucking with almost anyone; they notice that & this opens the doors for them to mess around with me... Some friends of mine never spoke to me saying i am a coward because of such experience... I always am afraid when getting to any similar conflicts because i fear that i will make a p**** out of me while they mess with me with simply talk....
I feel like i live a life better than many people but if only i can rid my self of this... Unlike you i dont have much trouble in presentations, speeches or job interviews but have the above as a major conflict in my life...
Honda, I actually got jumped about a month and a half ago. Friggin miami..right.
That said, i don't remeber any of it. I was beaten while unconcious. without getting into much detail I was beaten pretty badly. But here I sit today. All my worrying and fear of it happening again (and there is some) is just useless, because I know I there was nothing I could do about it. The people who did it had no reason and didnt mug me or anything. I can either move on past it or let that idea rule me.
I have been in quite a few scraps in my day and ran from several. I would say that is a good decision. If you can avoid a physical conflict and "turn the other cheek" then by all means avoid it. You are not a "coward."
You have dreams about it? I have had dreams about that very same topic. Try to write them down and then see about getting into some therapy. The most important thing to remember is to be honest with yourself and in turn with any therapist/doctor you may be seeing.
I hope you don't worry too much about any friends that may have left your side as result of this. If they think a coward of you then you are better off not having them around. Clearly you are not a coward because talking about this and looking for help is a courageous act alone.
_________________ "we must all have the will to live." B.H.
It always hard when put in a situation where you have to properly pick your words, to end it the proper way... Id rather go & beat that person up or not say worthless words...
About therapy, i feel i can handle this without therapy its not gonna happen fast thats for sure but i forced myself to change on time & missed alot because i never had that change before...
Spendind your youth being beaten and humiliated can realy destroy your life and make you powerless at the everyday routine. The simple things in social life became torture. It happen to me. At first i was always findind escuses and thinking, if i do this thing all will change...gess what, everything just stay the same. I dont fool myself anymore, this is what i am and most likely nothing will ever change.
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