in denial about ocd

acce · Newbie User Joined: Feb 02, 2008 Posts: 1

hi,

i just came by to share my experiences since i thought i would feel a bit better. i can't get myself to talk about this with anyone (aside from a few close people) because i feel like i'm just trying to attract attention, and well...it's embarrassing. i'm able to hide it really well, though, and not show any external signs when i'm with others, which makes me wonder if i really have ocd at all.

however, i've been having these symptoms...i KNOW they are problematic in my life, yet strangely, i'm still in denial that they're really ocd.
so i've gathered up the courage to seek professional help.

here's what i deal with:
- constant checking of reports, applications, you name it -- eventually, it takes hours. i know proofing generally takes a long time, but i do it until my eyes start tearing.
- i try to do everything 3 times...and groups of 3s. if i have to resort to any counting pattern, it has to be odd.
- if i touch a part of my body (ex: toes), i have to do it an equal amount of times (or until it feels equal) in threes...or else i feel like they'll become disfigured or whatever.
- when i touch someone else's belongings, i make sure it's there by actually feeling them, because looking is not sufficient enough. i can't convince myself it's there (i don't want to be accused of stealing).
- fridge door...it's extremely hard to detach myself from it at night. i press onto it 3 times until my fingers hurt...and then repeat the process again in further groups of threes...(sounds confusing, but i swear it makes sense in my head). i worry about sky-high electric bills.
- sometimes, when i look at pics of faces (ex: celebrities), i make sure i don't have bad thoughts, and i have to "look at it properly," or else, i fear that the person in the pic will get diseased skin or something, in reality. if this thought occurs, i have to look at the pic again.
- sometimes, i get these horrible images in my head (ex: close friend falling from bridge), so i have to cancel them out by thinking of that friend safely on the bridge.
- at times, i get this urge to jump down the staircase/high area. i know i won't do it, but...i get this fear that i might, one day. i don't want to mention this to the professional since it might seem like i'm suicidal or something, but i'm not.
...and a whole lot more i can't remember.

they seem to worsen when i'm stressed out/under pressure - you know, with school, work, etc.

is anyone diagnosed with ocd getting treatment without medication? how is that going?

thanks for reading.

Katherine · Posted: Sun Feb 03, 2008 2:41 am Post subject: hey

yes i do believe you have OCD. :/. sorry. Sad

obsessive · Newbie User Joined: Jan 27, 2008 Posts: 23

Denial is a common thing with ocd as is shame and guilt that comes with the thoughts i would seek help asap you don't want to live with like this for the rest of your life do you?