To all shy/love-shy guys

spectator · Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 6:04 pm Post subject: To all shy/love-shy guys

I am sick of reading the same stories over and over again. What I mean is, I think about the things that happened to me regarding girls, and then I read the posts of men all the way from age 18 to 42, from the US to Australia, all shy, all suffering from the same desparation and loneliness as I am, and I am getting sick of it. I used to think if I saw that many others suffer like I do, it will mitigate the suffering. but it doesn't. It just makes me angrier, more uspet, but also more determined.

What I'm saying is, we are all in this together; we all have the SAME exact experiences in different forms...whether it be we feel we are ignored or disliked by girls, whether it be we felt so awkward on those few oppurtunities we did have and chickened out (which just happened to me today, which is probably why I'm writing this), or that we give signs of rejection inadvertently out of fear, or simply we are not approached and we fear rejection of approaching others, or we begin to simply hate and give up on the whole idea of love.

We are all in this together. So why do we continue to post a multitude of threads on this forum complaining endlessly about our respective, all-too-identical problems regarding women and all agreeing with each other in a circle-jerking worthless catharsis? Why don't we actually band together and try to find solutions? Or to help each other? And I'm not talking about those advertisers who come in talking about some "great" site which teaches you how to get drunk women to have sex with you- I mean, we detail to each other the state of our lives, use each other to experiment, yes, experiment, methods of reaching out to women, serve as a support group for those among us who are too fearful to reach out....why can't we just form some sort of club, some off-shoot or splinter of this website, even if it is as crude as a facebook group or some geocities website?

Do you all realize the negative psychological impact this perpetual loneliness and lack of love in our lives has? This is the stuff of suicides, of homicides! Do you realize the negative physical impact it has on us? Look it up; those of us who are lonely and too shy to date/have sex/kiss end up with a greater chance of heart disease, the body releases dangerous chemicals to the deficient human. After 45-ish the body lets itself decay because we go past the very purpose of life as deemed by science, which is to reproduce and keep our species alive. Should we just let ourselves pass away? Are there not any traits of yours you wish to see passed down to the next generation? I don't want to be an unfeeling machine but the coldness is already sinking in to me. And I know I can still stop it but only if all of us work together to fill the void of lack of love.

No more crying about event A and event B that made us upset for reason A and reason B. And I am talking here about shyness with women/love-shyness, not social phobia. Regardless I'd think we shouldn't worry about being judged by each other. Who is with me? At least maybe in this thread we can find a way to band together, maybe one day we could meet each other in real life, somehow solve each other's problems and make our way through it together? This could be the start of a very worthwhile journey...Am I being even slightly coherent...?

IcarusUnderWater · Advanced User Joined: Dec 24, 2007 Posts: 303

I like your ideas a lot! I think we could help each other a lot more if there was some sort of myspace/facebook thing.

BUT I also like the fact that people can come on here and moan about their problems aswell because some of us just don't have anywhere else to let it all out.

Wink

TAMPA-BAY · Posted: Fri Feb 15, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject:

I think your are both right. The main problem with sites like these is a lack of balance. Since anyone on these site probaly havent solved their problems we hear just one side. I mean anyone that solves their anxiety issues probaly will leave the site and move on. So what we end up haveing is the blind leading the blind if that anology makes any sense to anyone.

jamez · Posted: Sat Feb 16, 2008 5:33 pm Post subject:

Well if you want to know how to get along with girls and how to get them to like you, this is probably not the site you should be asking for advice lol.

I get it that some of us can relate to certain posts so it at least feels that we're not alone in this situation. So that sort of helps. There's plenty of Don Juan advice on the internet if you wanna search it. Basically it comes down to this though, you have to be attractive enough and I'm not just talking about looks, whether it's the way you dress, you're extra-curricular activities, what kind of job you hold, charisma, humour...it can all add to your overall attractiveness. So yer, work on improving your overall image, the girls will come. Of course it's up to us to make the 1st move as well, though she might show interest through flirting or whatever but then it's up to us to make it official. Oh and a big fat wallet doesn't hurt either. Money talks. Losers walk. lol.

tommy_15 · Advanced User Joined: Nov 16, 2004 Posts: 348

Good post spectator and yes it makes a load of sense. Were do we go from here fearless leader ? Laughing

Tampa Bay your right. But I think there are a few people here in more advanced stages of recovery. When I was a teenager I went to a 6 week workshop type situation for social anxiety, fat lot of good that did me as you can see Laughing

Only kidding. Anyway that was quite a number of years ago. One of the lady's instructing the class was a recovered social phobic. She used to be housebound for 8 years. Imagine that.

Well I always though when I am better i'd also like to stay involved with people with social phobia in some way. Now, my condition is mild, most of the problem id say is no longer social phobia but bad habits developed when i had it. I feel as though I can offer useful advice to others as I have lived with it for years, been through the worst of it, and been fortunate enough to have a good deal of experience in some areas that maybe others havnt, so thats why im here. Not just that, so I like to relate and share some of my problems I couldnt tell anyone else aswell, as fully recovered I am not.

raga · Newbie User Joined: Mar 01, 2008 Posts: 2

Check out my post: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/posts16292-40.html

I've been where you are at, so I think my post might be worthwhile for you.

IWouldPreferNotTo · Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 6:36 pm Post subject:

I agree with what you're saying. There is stuff out there, though. There is some site called "howtobecooler" or something like that. it's a pretty good site. There is also the whole ASF community. They basically use in the internet to come up with ways to pick up chicks. There are some interesting things there. My biggest problem is just overcoming the fear. Maybe I need to get back on Paxil.

Dave_McFadden · Posted: Tue Apr 01, 2008 2:55 am Post subject: Re: To all love shy guys etc.

All right spectator, describe how you "chickened out". Were you approached by a woman who was obviously interested? Or did you finally get somebody alone in the elevator and couldn't muster up the guts to talk? Did the perfect thing to say pop into your head 30 seconds after it would have done any good?

Share your experience with the group so we can talk about it. Maybe we can all learn something.

Sebr3 · Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 2:27 pm Post subject: Re: To all shy/love-shy guys

Gone · Newbie User Joined: Apr 01, 2008 Posts: 91

When i read the first post here i was thinking 'Is he saying we should find a woman and share her?' lol.

But, all joking aside, if some guys on this site find other guys living close, they should meet up and go to out to bars together, work up some confidence. If they fail atleast they won't be alone. Was this a lame suggestion?