Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 46 Location: The Netherlands
Posted: Thu Feb 28, 2008 11:34 pm Post subject:
spectator wrote:
I have read this on another website once or it may have been a post on another site. I appreciate what you are saying and I acknowledge that it's true, but I don't want to change myself into a "wild" and "fun" guy, who goes to parties and gets drunk and all that. I am who I am, if girls don't like me right now when I am at my youthful prime, I guess I'll just have to bear with mediocrity/inferiority till I die. I refuse to change myself for others for the sake of being "fun", even if it means passing the chance to contribute to human continuity. What I want in a relationship is a faithful companion with whom we will together hurdle over whatever life throws at us and enjoy each other's company to the maximum. If that's not "fun" enough for females (which it isn't), I guess I'm not meant for a relationship, and being a loner suits me better.
You don't have to put up a facade, that's not what I meant to say with my post. What I mean to say is you have to stay true to yourself. Work on your social skills, work on your self esteem; work out, learn something new and interesting, keep improving yourself.
You don't have to become a wild party kinda guy, if you are the silent type there is nothing wrong with that. But even if you are a silent type, there is no one stopping you on your path to become a better, happier man than your are now.
There are plenty of women out there who aren't interested in the macho party type. But I hope you understand you are WAY more attractive when you try to be the best man you can possibly be. If it's your lifegoal to improve and learn untill your final day on earth they will be more interested. You will become more attractive to the kind of woman who diggs silent guys, when you are happy with who you are and live a great life. If a person is bitter and unhappy with his life, why should she want to be a part of that?
_________________ Alpha Male in the making, going strong !
Women have standards for a mate, for someone they could possibly be spending the rest of their lives with. Do men think that way too? Personally, I want a man that is funny, intelligent, confident, attractive, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, romantic, a go-getter, enthusiastic, makes me number one (beside his family), etc etc...
Is that superficial?
I agree that there are a lot of superficial women, and MEN out there though.
Spec, I was speaking for myself, personally. So I'm sure, if I think it, other people must think it too.
I am who I am, if girls don't like me right now when I am at my youthful prime, I guess I'll just have to bear with mediocrity/inferiority till I die.
Well said. :}
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
Joined: Nov 17, 2007 Posts: 64 Location: New York City
Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 2:13 pm Post subject:
Ok; what....how do I put this into words...
what you (erik and ribbons) are both saying sounds very good on internet posts but, it's just...
When you have no experience and like the average human you have a fear of trying something new, like romance, like a relationship, and this pool of people (girls, I mean), treat you like...like some kind of bad hand in a poker game; there's not enough captivating things about you because you haven't "improved yourself" yet, and, try as you might to let all your best qualities shine through when you get the guts to let it out... like that poker hand, you get the feeling that she's folding before the match even begins....
It's like trying to reach this level of expectation set for me, but it's completely invisible...there's no instructions on how to get others to love you. And I am funny...quite often in fact, and I can keep a steady voice in a conversation...and though I'm not actively improving myself (I can't think of any venues- my time is occupied with studies)...I don't know what to improve or how, how to flaunt any given improvement...
It's like, any girl I've ever met, in my life, ever, at any point...looks at me as, I don't know, some kind of talking statue, some stone form with a soul that can speak, make jokes, help in some class or whatever, but has no other purpose...? How can I improve myself, how can I possibly look for a partner when, I never get that feeling, for 18 years, of even being considered?? And every step I make in the right direction, every time I hold my head up high, proud but modest, friendly and caring, funny and fun-loving, something always happens, from some negative glance by some unknown woman to some alienation from a conversation, being taken for granted by girls, nothing more than the guy who happens to be with them at certain points throughout a day or week....it's a feeling of inadequacy I can't even begin to describe. And as it goes on like this I just get more disillusioned with the whole concept of love, having to watch romance movies where the girl falls in utter love with that incredible guy and know I cannot no matter WHAT I EVER do, be a part of it, and having to deal with the damn love-related pop music....G-d, like a ****ing entire culture centered around alienating me and what I represent. How can I learn anything about attracting women if I'm not given a chance? By feminist doctrine I'd be an ***hole to come onto a woman at any point, so I'm the msot trusted guy all my female friends have; they can friggin get naked in front of me knowing I'll sit there and do my work, I would never creep them out...it's something I've been proud of, but at the same time, is it that non-aggressiveness that's causing all this? And if it is, I don't want to be aggressive...
So every website or poster, like you guys, that give this advice, what I just wrote is all that goes on in my head. It is like empty words, nonsense to me, I don't even consider this whole "alpha male" thing. There's something dreadfully inadequate about me I will never pinpoint. Even if a girl smiles at me, even though I've been called cute a thousand times, I'm just property, some friend that comes with the building/class/location, to be considered nothing more. And as I get this feeling more and more I just feel like crying, I lose my charm, good nature....I try to be mysterious instead, you know, badass, mystical, *cool*....I fail at that as well. Going into starbucks at night with a black sweatjacket, sunglasses, looking like some kind of mysterious thug or hitman or government agent or whatever, desparate to be looked at with some kind of interest, but no one gives a ****...their routine is all that matters to them. Walking dressed in black all over, a sorta droopy quality to me, an aura of mystery, hanging out with friends....but no one cares, there's no inner depth they seek to learn of. I can't be mysterious, and I can't be charming, both have failed. So what the hell can I be? Nothing, that's all. All I can do is keep on with my work until I'm rich. Then without a doubt I will be able to get some girl in her 30s who only cares about financial security. Isn't that great? I get to skip love, youthful love, the most critical element of any human life anywhere in the world. I'm not allowed my shot at it. ****.
I doubt any of this make sense to either you erik or you redribbons, but hopefully when you read it you'll see why your advice does nothing for me. Maybe it all boils down to, that I haven't had fun in so long, I forgot what it means and how to do it, and there's no girl who can show me because, paradoxically, I'm not fun enough.
Females are extremely superficial under their clock starts to tick.
What about all the guys out there who want women just because they have big boobies? How's that for superficial??
Is it even possible to feel atttraction to anything else than appearance??
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 46 Location: The Netherlands
Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject:
spectator wrote:
It's like trying to reach this level of expectation set for me, but it's completely invisible...there's no instructions on how to get others to love you. And I am funny...quite often in fact, and I can keep a steady voice in a conversation...and though I'm not actively improving myself (I can't think of any venues- my time is occupied with studies)...I don't know what to improve or how, how to flaunt any given improvement...
I think you might have to take a look at your priorities. If you really desire to become a better man, other aspects in your life have to be put on "hold" for some time. Your studie will suffer from all the time you will have to spend on improving yourself. You will go through emotional turmoil. But then again how much do you really want this. Do you have faith in the possibility you can change, do you feel like you have control over your life or do you think some external force decides your faith.
Quote:
It's like, any girl I've ever met, in my life, ever, at any point...looks at me as, I don't know, some kind of talking statue, some stone form with a soul that can speak, make jokes, help in some class or whatever, but has no other purpose...? How can I improve myself, how can I possibly look for a partner when, I never get that feeling, for 18 years, of even being considered??
Don't let your pain blind you. There are many many men who have suffered the exact same journey you have, including myself. Your case is not unique !!! How can I improve myself you ask. If these things don't come natural to you, you can study them ! That's right, use your intelligence to actually studie this stuff. Why should you want to invent the wheel, while thousands of men already have perfected the art of wheel crafting.
Quote:
And every step I make in the right direction, every time I hold my head up high, proud but modest, friendly and caring, funny and fun-loving, something always happens, from some negative glance by some unknown woman to some alienation from a conversation, being taken for granted by girls, nothing more than the guy who happens to be with them at certain points throughout a day or week....it's a feeling of inadequacy I can't even begin to describe.
If you have a feeling of inadequacy do something about it !
Quote:
And as it goes on like this I just get more disillusioned with the whole concept of love, having to watch romance movies where the girl falls in utter love with that incredible guy and know I cannot no matter WHAT I EVER do, be a part of it, and having to deal with the damn love-related pop music....G-d, like a ****ing entire culture centered around alienating me and what I represent. How can I learn anything about attracting women if I'm not given a chance?
You have to realise there are plenty of chances every day. You are letting your feeling of inadequacy blind you once again. You have to work hard to find the love you desire. All those romance movies are pure fiction, it just won't happen. You can wait your entire life for "the one" to come by, but your life is not some scripted movie. If you choose not to develop your skills and you actually end up meeting the one, while you cross paths, you will crash and burn through incompetence. You need these skills, you will need them if you ever want to find a woman who truelly loves you for who you are.
Quote:
By feminist doctrine I'd be an ***hole to come onto a woman at any point, so I'm the msot trusted guy all my female friends have; they can friggin get naked in front of me knowing I'll sit there and do my work, I would never creep them out...it's something I've been proud of, but at the same time, is it that non-aggressiveness that's causing all this? And if it is, I don't want to be aggressive...
Women want to be swept of their feet, they want to make love to you. Just look at it from a biological point of view; if every men on earth will defer from being an asshole and refuse to respond to their primal urges the human race will die.
I think you need a swift kick in the ass as sympathy won't get you anywhere. GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ! You can analyze every little tiny insignificant detail on your interaction with women BUT you will NEVER know what they are actually thinking. You can't read their minds, this kind of arogance keeps you prison in a state of hopelessness. Women want you to make a move, they want a man to fall in love with, they want a man to live happily ever after with. They want the same things you want, but you will have to be willing to play the game, by their rules.
Quote:
So every website or poster, like you guys, that give this advice, what I just wrote is all that goes on in my head. It is like empty words, nonsense to me, I don't even consider this whole "alpha male" thing. There's something dreadfully inadequate about me I will never pinpoint.
That's because people who actually are making a living out of writing this stuff, have become so incredibly skilled at this, everything becomes abstracted to them. They are aware of all male-female dynamics, they are full aware of their internal beliefs, they 100% believe they are in charge of their own happiness, they are in control.
According to Kurt Koffka (Gestalt Psychology) "the whole is something else than the sum of its parts".
The guys that post advice like this have internalised all aspects which results in entirely new concepts which are unconcievable if you won't go all the way. Your brain needs all these bits of experience you gain by learning and will integrate this time and time again, and your understanding about life and the game of love will give you entirely new insights. It is if you are reborn over and over and become a richer person. "the whole is something else than the sum of its parts" Don't forget that !!
Quote:
I doubt any of this make sense to either you erik or you redribbons, but hopefully when you read it you'll see why your advice does nothing for me. Maybe it all boils down to, that I haven't had fun in so long, I forgot what it means and how to do it, and there's no girl who can show me because, paradoxically, I'm not fun enough.
...sigh
This makes complete sense to me. My love life was an utter disaster untill I decided I could take no more. Something had to change, how could this possibly be all that life had to offer to me?
You don't need sympathy, dump all the self pitty. See this as your wake up call, get active, start to study seduction material. DO SOMETHING DON'T JUST THINK ABOUT IT. You can think your entire life and analyze everything to death BUT NOTHING WILL CHANGE. You alone are personally responsible for making your life worth living.
As a start I suggest you read; Without Embarrassment: The Social Coward's Totally Fearless Seduction System by Michael Pilinski. And forget about the Fearless part in the title, you will feel intense fear you have never felt before. This is not going to be easy, you will find it a painfull, dreadfull, awkward journey. But then again how much do you want this? Man up, take responsibility, study this stuff, make a commitment to improve.
_________________ Alpha Male in the making, going strong !
Personally, I want a man that is funny, intelligent, confident, attractive, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, romantic, a go-getter, enthusiastic, makes me number one (beside his family), etc etc...
Is that superficial?
I think so, or at least unrealistic. I don't have such high standards at all.
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 210 Location: Australia
Posted: Fri Feb 29, 2008 6:52 pm Post subject:
What is wrong with you guys???? Why don't you just respect women??? I have 4 sisters. From what I have heard, I would advise my sisters to stay far, far away from most of you guys. Whats wrong with a simple date then a kiss????
What is wrong with you guys???? Why don't you just respect women??? I have 4 sisters. From what I have heard, I would advise my sisters to stay far, far away from most of you guys. Whats wrong with a simple date then a kiss????
Uhm what do you mean??
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
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