Women have standards for a mate, for someone they could possibly be spending the rest of their lives with. Do men think that way too? Personally, I want a man that is funny, intelligent, confident, attractive, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, romantic, a go-getter, enthusiastic, makes me number one (beside his family), etc etc...
Is that superficial?
I agree that there are a lot of superficial women, and MEN out there though.
Spec, I was speaking for myself, personally. So I'm sure, if I think it, other people must think it too.
Guys here's my advice from someone who used to have social anxiety.
The ladies tell us to be ourselves but then that's not what they want as described above. This brings up the fact, in our perspective guys, that women really do have control in starting a relationship (especially with anyone who might have some sort of phobia or other problem like us).
Some background on me:
I'm in university now and am around more girls and socialize with them. In fact I'm getting small hints from girls who might be interested or ways for me to make them interested (when you start to think about what girls are like you figure these things out). In fact I "reeled one in" but it wasn't what I expected. That's when I learned that what the ladies say is right: I was playing with her because I didn't really like her (I tried this out in desperation to know what it really felt like but that's not what I expected).
That little feeling you get when you like a girl IMO is a big factor in making you want to go after a girl, that's after you get rid of the phobia/depression. In fact the last time I felt that way was when I was about 14-15 but too shy and in general messed up/depressed ever since until about 1 year ago.
Here's my advice. If you'd like to get intimate with a girl first you have to get rid of your depression, and to be honest, you'll find out one day as life changes (change is constant), that no one can tell you how to get out of depression you just do gradually (time heals everything) and life will change making your circumstances better if you just hang in there.
Once that's done just hang around girls, be friends with them, small talk and if they are nice girls (there are many around, especially in uni!) they accept you for who you are. This doesn't mean you've made it with any of them though, because you've got to feel that special feeling when you are around them and if you do I promise you'll have the guts to go up to her or if you become desperate like me you might even "play" a girl. Which is not a nice thing to do, it gets weird after especially if the girl has even an iota of self respect (which is the kind of girl you really want).
I find the act of intercourse to be unenjoyable to be honest, it just doesnt turn me on as much as making out and hugging or playing around, ive always found the concept of in and out, in and out with genitallia to be dull, i find that the pressure of performing far outweighs the enjoyment of the experiance..
i think the only way for me to enjoy it would be intoxicated.
its not that i'm not turned on ...i dont know, maybe i just haven't practiced enough to pin-point the problem i have
Personally, I want a man that is funny, intelligent, confident, attractive, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, romantic, a go-getter, enthusiastic, makes me number one (beside his family), etc etc...
Is that superficial?
I think so, or at least unrealistic. I don't have such high standards at all.
I never thought of personality traits that someone wanted in a person as superficial. I believe that caring too much about appearance is superficial.
The person doesn't have to be all these traits.. But they are traits that I am attracted to.
Anyway!
Spec... With expression like that, I don't see how a girl couldn't like you!! You have depth and you seem interesting. I really like how you believe that you want to improve yourself, but at this time you are not actively improving yourself. This is really good. You don't have to be consciously changing yourself all the time, at every moment.
It's easier said, than done, but you really just need to be happy with who you are now. Be confident in the person you are. If you don't have time to make improvements RIGHT NOW, it's okay. I'm sure you're a decent guy, as is! lol, at least you come off that way. So yea. Just be happy and confident about who you are now. Trying to be something different isn't going to work.
Maybe instead of thinking you are destined to be in this position forever, as property, you need to start thinking that you are a person. A human being. Someone who is capable of having a relationship with someone. Just go out there and do it. Instead of saying, "it's because of this, that I can't do this", take control of yourself. You are acting hopeless. lol. This is funny because I have relationship problems of my own, and I tend to say that it's because I suffer from rocd that I can't have normal relationships.. But, we are all in control of ourselves.
This thread is pretty enlightening. Now that I've obviously called myself on my hypocrisy, good luck to you, and to me, and everyone else who can't get a date for some random reason. Because they believe they are not 'good enough' in one way or another.
Personally, I want a man that is funny, intelligent, confident, attractive, entertaining, caring, thoughtful, romantic, a go-getter, enthusiastic, makes me number one (beside his family), etc etc...
Is that superficial?
Nothing wrong with that ,
i want the same in a girl only it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if she has her flaws too ...in fact i find that attractive as well because it shows that we're all human ...for me i want a girl who is a healthy balance of those, but she doesnt have to be confident in every area ..as personalities are so complex ..i havent set my standards too high, as long as we have chemistry and enjoy each others company, and love each other, thats all you need.
When I was a virgin I was sure premature ejaculation would be a problem.
However, the nervousness I get from taking off all my clothes in front of a girl turns that into quite a challenge. I relax a little more each time, though. By the time my confidence hits 100% my experience will (hopefully) make sure that premature ejaculation doesn't become a major problem.
Hope that helps at least some.
P.S.: If you're not enjoying sex, you're not doing it right. True story.
_________________ That is my two cents. Keep the change.
I believe that caring too much about appearance is superficial.
The person doesn't have to be all these traits.. But they are traits that I am attracted to.
I had posted that message in a hurry; I'm sorry it sounded so blunt (wasn't my intention). I just wanted to say that I tend to think that having all those traits is nearly impossible for most people.
I find the act of intercourse to be unenjoyable to be honest, it just doesnt turn me on as much as making out and hugging or playing around, ive always found the concept of in and out, in and out with genitallia to be dull, i find that the pressure of performing far outweighs the enjoyment of the experiance..
i think the only way for me to enjoy it would be intoxicated.
its not that i'm not turned on ...i dont know, maybe i just haven't practiced enough to pin-point the problem i have
I'm the same way about making out. I really have very little desire to make out with a girl. I love kissing and being close, but not making out
_________________
Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything
Be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.
Uh.. Thelma... that is making out! I love cuddling, kissing and hugging! You just need to be with the right person and it will all fall into place. I swear!
I find walking home during a dark evening looking at a tree and thinking about what if I just could sit down there with my back at the tree and die better. :}
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
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By the time my confidence hits 100% my experience will (hopefully) make sure that premature ejaculation doesn't become a major problem.
