Why do the innocent always get the blame?

W1CKEDJO

I've always been called a "peace maker." I'm one of those people who doesn't say nasty things about, or to anyone else. However, I'm always the one who gets picked on, or bullied.

At my junior school, people would vandalise my possessions, and spread lies about me. They would tell all the teachers that I was being nasty to them, when it was them that were being nasty to me. And I was constantly being called to see the teacher, and my mother was told to go into school to talk about my "bully-like behaviour." My school reports would always say something like "Joanna should be more aware of other people's feelings." Yet, I NEVER said anything to offend anyone. I didn't even dare to stick up for myself incase I said something that could be interperated as being nasty.

Then I moved to my senior school, where they were supposedly "hot on bullying". I felt comforted by this, because I thought that I would not get picked on. But I would get people constantly spreading rumours about me, and friends suddenly disliking me for no reason. And then, a couple of girls started picking on me on MSN, and sending me nasty emails. But they did it in such a way, privately, so that when I tried to tell people about it, no one believed me. And they would twist it round to make it seem as if it was my fault. And one day I was told to visit the Headmistress in her office, and was accused of "cyber-bullying" and saying nasty things to people over the Internet. I was the one who was the victim, and once again, I was getting the blame.

I don't know why I've been punished for being a nice person. But it makes me think, why do I bother?

thequietone · Posted: Sun Dec 23, 2007 4:56 am Post subject:

I'm sorry those things happened to you.
Some people call you a peacemaker but others call you a bully? Is it possible that all those events were misunderstandings? Maybe the best thing to do is put all those things in the past, try to let go of your resentment and the feeling of injustice and just start over.
I hope everything works itself out. Smile

Vulvectomy · Intermediate User Joined: Dec 12, 2007 Posts: 102

Maybe you're playing the victim.

jellybean · Newbie User Joined: Dec 28, 2007 Posts: 61

but what if she is a victim? I find Im in the same situation I never seem to get support from people and Im strating to think it's because Im not happy and people like to be around happy people and when they see a vulnerability they attack it coz it makes them feel better, I had a lot of people manipulating situations too and it's horrible when people are getting away with murder, I don't trust people anymore and I am totally withdrawing as time goes on coz I have seen the bad side of too many people and I have been hurt too often, sucks! I am so confused with what is going on and can't work it out. i am a good person and I have very high morals I try and be the best I can be but I still get stick off people all the time. I dont know why

spectator · Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2007 5:56 pm Post subject:

You probably shouldn't take my advice, but if I were in your position (and I've been in similar situations, and this worked) I would just punch the person in question in the face. Just, bam, maybe throw something sticky like sauce at them too. Curse them out while hurting them, as well.

But then again you are a girl so I guess it's different with you. I'd say just tell the teacher directly what you're saying to us here; you're not guilty, they're guilty, and if that teacher has a sense of justice she'll know she's only exacerbating it by helping the perpetrators and blaming the victim. If she doesn't, tell him/her honestly to his/her face, "you are a bully, and I don't want to talk to someone who won't listen to the truth."

SadRabbit · Newbie User Joined: Dec 29, 2007 Posts: 4

parent · Newbie User Joined: Jan 13, 2008 Posts: 2

http://education.guardian.co.uk/classroomviolence/story/0,,949759,00.html

I am a parent and my daughter had been bullied by some kids at her school. I took action and blamed teachers for not taking a proper action. I sent email to schoolboard. My next step was going to be talking to local newspapers. I didn't have to do that. Kids stopped bullying her but told bad stories about her . She said lots of kids stopped talking with her. I told her that if other kids want to believe those bullies forget about them. They are secret bullies or afraid of bullies. Everybody doesn't have parents to fight for them. She has a few good friends. That's enough.

Believe or not, those bullies grow up and become your bosses or coworkers. Sooner or later you have to face them alone. I was bullied at my work and lost my job . Bullies are good at manupilating people. They are very good at making you look bad. They are just having fun or doing their job or something else. They have plenty excuses.Believe or not people don't want trouble so they let them get away with it. They complain about them all the time but do nothing. They expect you to do the same.If you try to do something, they blame you for causing probem. They leave you completely alone because they don't want to be the next target.

Because I had a bad experience, I didn't let my daughter suffer.

First thing you can do is face them otherwise they wont go away. Face them in public. Tell them what they are doing is wrong. You have to have lots of witnesses. And tell them what they are doing is bullying and if they don't stop doing it you will file legally complain about them, their parents, and the SCHOOL. Tell teachers, and principal about that . Next step is to complain to a law enforcement. First of all, school has to take it serious. If not Sheriff has to take it serious. If not newspapers have to take it serious. You have to take action.

One of my coworkers was acting like bully. He was making fun of him, finding his weaknesses and talk about it, when he yells he was yelling back so on... I heard the bully saying that he doesn't want to deal with him because he is crazy...

SO you have to face the bully nicely or not sooner or later.

joeljjison · Newbie User Joined: Mar 02, 2008 Posts: 27

Theres alot of interesting things in here.

I got bullied in primary school and secondary school... initially i started off running away and hiding... but thats not something you can do infinitely... somewhere along the line, i just started getting really angry, and reacted to everything violently, though i did at least always warn first. it was because they'd never seem to stop. there was no, thats enough lets go from them.. it was always just more and more and didnt stop until they had to go.

during primary school something similar constantly happened to me, teachers would step in, and everything i said would be discounted as a lie, whilst the bullies always got off. my parents always believed teachers naturally...

well, the problem ended once in primary school, and then once in secondary school (in secondary school i had a whole new set of bullies, which was further proof that it was something about me that was fucked up). each time cos i tried to off myself.. bullies start seeing the resuls of their actions if their pretty extreme. dont try that, or to fake it..

i dont really have any advice that good for you because i dont think alot of what i have done is exactly sound, but really id just like to tell you about me.. because i think its similar..

"Bullies are good at manupilating people. They are very good at making you look bad. They are just having fun or doing their job or something else. They have plenty excuses.Believe or not people don't want trouble so they let them get away with it."

I fear i may have stared into the abyss too much.. as i became more pessimistic, i learned cynicism and more about reality.. as my being bullied was centered around being physically and mentally weak, and lacking control over my emotions (never mind my hair of my name that i still hate), i decided to survive the world around me through mind games. it started off with fake expressions... then i did ALOT of meditation, with a focus on learning to do it quickly so i could hide and surpress emotions. i started reading crime books, watching people around me obsessively, memorizing their habits and weaknesses... i still do, and im not brilliant at it yet, and ive come on a long way. i hide this paranoia telling people i just like feeling like a detective.. i even do it with friends, everyone around me. observing everything, and cross referencing their words with others so i know if someone is lying to me..

i got my first friend because i saw an oppurtunity. i started to always be around her, watching what others would say, if others were kind or nasty.. always reporting on backstabbing friends, and saying the right things afterwards.. lying when saying kind things, not having the knowledge to back them up.. i did manipulate em into a friendship, and it helped me survive for some time, but it wasnt a friendship that could truly last.

at university, i study music (jazz)... and im in my opinion one of the least good pianists on the course.. i compensate for my lack of abilities, through what amounts to being a manipulative bastard... and others dont know it... i think this time i do have true friends.. but i dont deserve them.. especially when i think that cunning is my most important trait. i made it so, but why do i always feel this nausea whenever my situations are made good?

i suppose its because all the positive things people see in me that i have cultivated are illusions.

but i digress...

whatever happens, i dont think you should just let yourself get abused... it obviously doesnt make you happy, and its not like you dont mind... dont give up... log their conversations. print their emails. make a file full of them... take screenshots of the conversations happening in msn or email, so that its impossible to say you've edited them ... then make a folder of it...

what you do next is up to you. it could be go to the teacher with highest authority... maybe you could try some kind of child help service, or the police... what i'd do however is look into that, find out if theres anything illegal, and then start blackmailing the bullies. it'd be fun..

if not that, when your telling whoever you tell about the bullies, WITH your evidence that you shouldnt need, but life is shit so you do... make sure to tell them about how much you want to die (regardless of whether you do or not)... guilt is very painful.. and making people deserving feel it, is quite righteous

its obvious i hold 'two wrongs don't make a right' in distain