Joined: Oct 13, 2007 Posts: 435 Location: 20-f-u.s.
Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 9:32 am Post subject:
Im feeling really good actually!!! I have no idea why but at this very moment I just feel so happy to be me. I dont like having SP but I couldnt imagine my life without it. This phobia is one of the biggest challenges in my life and strangley I think it makes me a better person. It makes me unique...and I like being unique. SP has forever changed me, but in a good way. Is it horrible that I just dont want to be like everyone else?
Im bad at putting my thoughts into words. I just had to post before my natural high went away.
Joined: Feb 29, 2008 Posts: 10 Location: Seattle, WA, USA
Posted: Sat Mar 01, 2008 10:16 am Post subject:
I'm like... neutral. Tired, drained, kinda braindead, and pretty much just waiting for my boyfriend to come online so we can talk a bit before I go to bed because the smallest thing he says makes me feel so much better ^-^
_________________ "Nemo my name forever more..." - Nemo, by Nightwish.
Joined: Apr 23, 2005 Posts: 982 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Thu Mar 06, 2008 8:05 pm Post subject: Just a rant
I just feel like self destructing at the moment... its been like 4 years,ive tried the medication and the therapy and it hasnt done shit.Im up in court in 6 days... and the thing is i dont think i really care what happens anymore.Getting arrested was the most excitng thing that has happend to me recently.. i got away from the dealing and the drugs and getting in trouble because apparently that would make me better... and because i dont want to be a bad person for my gf.But life hasnt been any better since,i feel that at least if i go back to the drugs and everything else it might not be a good life or a very long one but its a better one than im having now,better than sitting in this flat on my own being spoon fed different meds each month by doctors waiting to die and listening to promises of getting better.What was it someone said? somthing like its better for a star to burn bright and short than long and dull.
Feelin Better than i did when i posted my last post in here.Kinda had a day of clarity so to speak and some good advice.Ive finaly kinda accepted that things arnt just gonna sort them selves out one day and ill wake up and everything will be fine.I dont know why... but ive been in some kinda denial because i havnt felt i deserved what happend in my childhood and getting ill wid depression and sp and everything else.. i guess i havnt felt its been fair and felt sorry for myself.
But life isnt fair and ive gotta accept the facts and if i wanna get better i know ive gotta work hard for it,and stop waiting for someone else to sort my problems out... or expect things to just get better,i cant just sit around waiting and hoping for my motivation and willpower to come back,i need to decide what i wanna do/be in life and start working towards that.I need to stop feeling sorry for myself because we cant change the past as much as it hurts.
I feel very bored but very content about my haircut. It's anther friday when I'm sitting here alone with not much to do. While my classmates are partying at some place. I don't know if I would like to be with them. I don't find spending time with people very fun actually. :/ I don't like doing much things and I can't talk much. Still I feel lonely. I don't know what could make life better. I don't think it's even possible that life could be better. I will rot away in my home. And I just wish the tiny desire for love that has started to haunt me in later times would just go away forever.
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
At this point I'm just blah. I'm not happy or depressed. I'm sorta like, "Yay!" in a not-so-yay way.
On the 12th it was my grandma's birthday. I drew her a picture of an angel, but she didn't get it from me. I was too nervous to give it to her. When she left I hung it up on the wall and took my dog for a walk. I don't know.
Recently I convinced myself I was nuts. I just got really hyper. I actually got called a hyperactive hooligan.
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