New from BC...can anyone relate?

BFox · Newbie User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 5 Location: Canada

Hi, I just found this forum tonight, and it's a relief. Silly thing is, I was almost apprehensive about registering, but want to reach out.

I've had social anxiety almost as far back as I can remember. I do wish I could mingle and 'get in the mix', but the fear and feelings of inadequacy stop me. The other thing that makes it even harder to overcome: the more shy or fearful I feel, the more tense, unapproachable and 'grumpy' I look on the outside, and I can see it makes others uncomfortable. Inside I'msaying, "No, please: I'm not cranky - I'm just SCARED!" and wish so terribly that I could connect socially. Trying to smile feels like I'm naked!

I'm finding that this is having a detrimental effect in so many ways for me. A prime example being that I almost feel like I'm going to faint when I try to walk into my classes at college. I've missed so many classes and fallen behind to the point where the instructors have made comments that they feel that I am not putting forth effort aka slacker (I've explained to them about the flu season, kids and being a single parent in the situation) but can't bring myself to also tell them about how hard it is to walk into a room full of people. It's broken my heart because through the duration of the program (2 years), I've watched the other students create bonds and friendships and feel so left out and I wish it wasn't so. Damn social anxiety!

Perhaps a silly question, but does any of this sound familiar to anyone?

zeroday

BFox · Newbie User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 5 Location: Canada

I actually went to speak with the college counselor a few days ago and explained. She was so receptive and it was a relief. She acknowledged that not only was the social anxiety creating a barrier, but also the stresses of the bills, finding employment after grad this April to support the little ones on top of a huge course load etc. It felt good to be validated, and she gave me a few tips to calm my nerves. She also made mention of a doctors note, and I told her that he also feels that my anxiety is normal given the circumstances.

Still, the social anxiety remains! Its always been a constant element in my life and I've tried all sorts of relaxation techniques, etc. which are effective temporarily, but the the undercurrent is never far beneath the surface. I hope I can manage it in some way where I'M in control of it, not IT being in control of me!

I'm sorry college has for you seems to have been the same experience as mine. I'm in my early thirties, and many of the students are 18-early 20's and I'd often kid myself by telling myself it just boiled down to an age difference! However, I can't deny that there is more to it than that when there are the occaisional students who are within my age group or older who can get into the banter. I also tried to tell myself that it is because of my own feelings of inadequacy due to coming from a background far different from theirs in terms of socioeconomics. Nope, there's also others who have climbed out of a less than desireable income bracket as well who seem to be enjoying the social aspects. I've had much trauma in my past which served to greatly shake a sense of well being and confidence, and but have chosen to walk away from those who were creating dysfunction. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, you can let your past break you or take your strengths and let it 'make' you instead, and I try to keep my head high despite challenges I've gone through. I'm still confounded in my efforts to beat this social anxiety/shyness however. I hope I can learn a few ways to overcome it, and hope I have something to offer others in their journey to beat theirs as well! Thanks for your reply: muchly appreciated! Smile