Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:25 am Post subject: ...
YES YES THEY DO...I couldn't talk on the phone, i couldn't go out, i couldn't go shoppping, i couldn't socialize, i couldn't make jokes.......if i continue i will never finish. My parents always wants us to do things so that ppl can think that we are PERFECT girls and good girls...
I don't think I was overprotected but, I question my parents. Once upon a time, I thought them infallible, and I guess now I realize they are just human, like the rest of us.
Last edited by krs2snow on Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:11 am; edited 2 times in total
Joined: Jun 20, 2005 Posts: 257 Location: United States of America
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 2:28 am Post subject:
No. If anything, they helped prevent it from being even worse. I was extremely shy and timid since I was very little. That was just my temperament. But my parents help to foster my own little personality, while also encouraging me to join things like signing me up for gymnastics, soccer, basketball, etc.
I believe that my parents really could have sheltered me since I was so shy and they could have made excuses for me if I didn't want to talk by just being like, "oh, she's just shy." But they never did and helped me start speaking up for myself like by having me order my own meal in restaurants and everything.
Plus, they were like my best friends. Since I didn't exactly have any friends in school, I would always hang around and do things with them like go to the mall or the movies, and God knows I certainly wouldn't have even left the house if it wasn't for going out and doing things with them.
Yeah, they did. The influence of parents on their children is inevitable.
My folks are the overbearing and controlling type. They mean well, but they don't understand the damage their well-meaning-intentions have done over a lifetime.
What i've learned is that if i'm assertive without being argumentative (and if i keep can my word on things), then they tend to back off a little bit. So perhaps some of you have experienced similar results? Just curious...
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 6:46 am Post subject: Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet
lil_ladii85 wrote:
I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.
That all sounds familiar. I wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere, either. Sometimes, when kids from school would come to my house, my mother would say they weren't there to see me, they just wanted to see my horses. Gee, thanks, mom . Like I wasn't worth it or something. My parents are both really socially backward, and have never had any friends for as long as I can remember. They both came from abusive homes, my dad grew up in an orphanage. Instead of learning from the misdeeds done unto them, they treated me the same way. I, however, have learned from their mistakes, and do not mistreat my son. I also allow him to have more freedom. More than I like sometimes, but I don't want him to grow up to be a frightened little mouse like I always was. I allow him to go out and play with the neighborhood kids, and I don't always know exactly where he is at all times. That is what I would like, but I try to force myself to give him some liberties.
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:37 am Post subject: Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet
IcarusUnderWater wrote:
lil_ladii85 wrote:
I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.
Exactly the same. All my friends were allowed to stay out late and go to parties and stay out at night etc but my mum was just so strict i always had to make excuses. She put a tax on fun and i taught myself to dismiss what my friends did as immature and ultimately i cut myself off from them all.
i started cutting myself off from friends as well to the point where i only had like 4 good friends at a time. _________________ Its better to be hated for who you are, then loved for what your not.
Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:46 am Post subject: Re: Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiet
Foxglove wrote:
lil_ladii85 wrote:
I remember when i was growing up i was rarely allowed to go places. My friends would invite to sleepovers, the mall, or just to hang out and my mom would always tell me no. Im not blaming my mom for my social anxiety but i think her secluding me from the outside world growing up had a huge impact on it.
That all sounds familiar. I wasn't allowed to do anything or go anywhere, either. Sometimes, when kids from school would come to my house, my mother would say they weren't there to see me, they just wanted to see my horses. Gee, thanks, mom . Like I wasn't worth it or something. My parents are both really socially backward, and have never had any friends for as long as I can remember. They both came from abusive homes, my dad grew up in an orphanage. Instead of learning from the misdeeds done unto them, they treated me the same way. I, however, have learned from their mistakes, and do not mistreat my son. I also allow him to have more freedom. More than I like sometimes, but I don't want him to grow up to be a frightened little mouse like I always was. I allow him to go out and play with the neighborhood kids, and I don't always know exactly where he is at all times. That is what I would like, but I try to force myself to give him some liberties.
thats pretty much how it was for me, when a friend called or stopped by she would hang up the phone or say i wasnt there. and not even tell me that they called for me. My mom was also abused as a child by her step dad, she was called names and treated like crap, she was pretty much treated as an outkast, and i think she took her protectiveness of never having that happen to me, a little bit too far, i know she meant well, but i think that her overprotectiviness is what started my SP. And im the same way with my son, i dont want him to turn out shy and quite like me, so im always trying to get him to be interactive with people, and i dont discipline or hold him back as much as i should, i just spoil him too much _________________ Its better to be hated for who you are, then loved for what your not.
I believe my mother created a very bad ambient at home when I was a child. She blamed everything for her problems since she was so angry that my father got divorced from her. She is very neurotic and histeric.
I just remember that I had one friend who was afraid of her... it was funny... he asked me to accompany him to the door since he didn't wanted to go alone.
My mother was of the type who didn't care about looking good to the world as she hated the world. She never cared about her own image. So I think she passed the idea to me the world is evil and I shouldn't care about looking nice. It is almost like if I was raised in a savage way. I am not talking about appearance, its about being nice to people and sociable.
My mother tends to be very hostile towards people. I'm not like her, I really want to be nice but I don't know how. I am a very friendly person, but I am unable to express that to the world.
Why I am unable to externalize that "friendlyness" ? Do people notice but they ignore like if I simply do not interest them or I am not really that friendly... or its something else ? Please say what do you think about me.
i know this if off topic...but I used to have SA so bad i could barely leave the house...i got on imipramine and completely helped me...anyway I can go out of state now, no problem...if you guys havn't given it a shot ask your doc about it and i hope it helps if you do... _________________ -Devin-
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. Like I wasn't worth it or something. My parents are both really socially backward, and have never had any friends for as long as I can remember. They both came from abusive homes, my dad grew up in an orphanage. Instead of learning from the misdeeds done unto them, they treated me the same way. I, however, have learned from their mistakes, and do not mistreat my son. I also allow him to have more freedom. More than I like sometimes, but I don't want him to grow up to be a frightened little mouse like I always was. I allow him to go out and play with the neighborhood kids, and I don't always know exactly where he is at all times. That is what I would like, but I try to force myself to give him some liberties.
