Do you think it is difficult to make friends at university?

Rainbowstar

Hi everyone,
I would like to know whether you think making friends at university is difficult.
I have been and still am a university student for five years and I have find it difficult to make friends at university. All my friends are from high school. At university, you meet people from your classes, clubs, friends and other sources. But with the way classes are timetabled, you often see or chat with these people a few times, and you don't see them again unless you are enrolled in the same unit the following semester. The best way to make friends is to see the same person(s) regularly to build a friendship. That's why it is easier to make friends at High School because you see the same people everyday, and hence there are more opportunities to develop a friendship. The university environment doesn't enable regular contact unless you're in a degree where everyone does the same subjects.
The advice I often get is join a club and society to meet people. Clubs and societies are a great way to meet people, however, sometimes the same problem occurs because once the semester is over there is little or no regular contact.
At the same time, making friends requires initiative and effort on our part too, so perhaps I'm complaining too much.
What do you think?

_________________
'Nothing is particularly difficult, if you divide it into small jobs' Henry Ford.

DaDahhhhDaDaDa · Newbie User Joined: Sep 26, 2007 Posts: 31

Absolutely. It's much more difficult than High School precisely because of the reasons you mentioned. I've only been at Uni for two weeks now, but I've made a few friends here and there. I don't have Depression or SP anymore either, but I'm still shy (working on that) - about as shy as many others there seem when I speak to them. You'll notice people there are more serious than in High School, they can be very icy at times but this should get better in a few weeks. Your best bet for making a friend is to speak to the people in your tutorials, hopefully along the way you'll trade emails or numbers or something, that's probably the best way to make a 'permanent' friend.

Just one word of advise, when you meet new people, do NOT ask the standard interview questions (you know; what course are you doing, what subjects etc), that will bore the shit out of your companion and yourself (seriously, recounting my subjects to people seems like a chore now Rolling Eyes

). Just talk about crap - joke, news, tv shows, weather, basically anything... Ask the school stuff later.

PhantomPod · Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 7:03 pm Post subject:

Yes. This is my final year of college and I have barely made any friends. I was very gungho about putting myself out there during my freshman year, but it just didn't work out for me, so I've definitely let that get me down and haven't put in as much effort since that first year. My freshman year I joined groups and went to meetings yet I just wasn't able to make a connection with anyone there. Sometimes in classes I would talk to people for a bit, but then once the class was over for the semester, that was it, I never really saw them again.

The only way I was able to make friends was during the two study abroad trips I went on. The groups were so small and we were with each other practically all day, so it was easy to get close to people. However, it has been hard to keep in touch with them. Facebook has helped a bit, but mostly I barely even see them around campus.

Also, I feel like once you're past freshman year, most everyone has already established their own little set of friends, so they're not as open about making new ones. I have actually heard people say this.

So yes, I think it's very difficult. Or, at least it was for me. The summer before I started my freshman year of college I was reading a lot about SA and shyness and was starting to put myself out there more and trying to be more outgoing so then when I got to college I could make some friends and have a good time, but it just didn't work out for me. I don't totally understand why. It's kind of depressing though. I was just an epic failure in the friend making department. I'm graduating this May and I sort of have two friends now, and not to sound pessimistic and all that, but I don't see the friendships lasting. We'll be living in different states and they'll still be living at school while I'll be moving back home.

lucifersam · Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:13 pm Post subject:

I've been going to a community college for almost a year now, and still haven't made any friends. There was one person who I started talking to for a bit, but then I just sort of dropped it.

Everyone I knew in high school (which wasn't that many to begin with) has pretty much stopped talking to me.

Trying to make friends at college is so much more intimidating than in high school, for some reason. Maybe because there's more effort required; you're pretty much on your own.

Chiaroscuro · Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 10:52 pm Post subject:

I completely empathise with your difficulty making friends at uni. I did make a few good friends at uni. But having said that I only keep in contact with them on occasion. There is no doubt in my mind, on reflection, that the easiest way to make friends is to find people you have stuff in common with. So that's what is so good about the clubs and societies. If you have a hobby, or even if you just start one as a novice, the activity soon gives you something in common other than study. It worked for me with badminton and archery clubs.

But you know what - the thing with making friends, and I think this is probably the same in life in general - is that you can't sort of pick and choose them. You just have to not be afraid to be yourself around everyone. And then it just sort of happens or it doesn't. They say that most people can count their close friends on one hand. But hey, I'm no expert!

For me funnily enough it was making acquaintances that I found difficult. Close friends was less of an issue. Question

Also, not being so interested in booze and partying made me a kind of automatic outsider in my halls.

Rainbowstar · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:17 am Post subject:

Rainbowstar · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:30 am Post subject:

Rainbowstar · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 4:49 am Post subject:

Thank you for your replies.
I've realised that how we each define a 'friend' is important. There are different types of relationships between people e.g. peers, acquaintances, friends, colleagues etc. In a relationship between two people, person A may see person B as a friend, however, person B may see person A as an acquaintance.

I've also thought about strategies to make more friends (I wish I thought about these strategies earlier). One strategy involves making ourselves more noticeable (i.e. frequently answering questions in lectures, sitting in the same train carriage when we go to uni or work, staying near the bus or train door, getting to class early so everyone notices you etc). These strategies won't produce immediate effects, although, they do help.

_________________
'Nothing is particularly difficult, if you divide it into small jobs' Henry Ford.

hulkamaniak · Newbie User Joined: Mar 16, 2008 Posts: 35

Rainbowstar · Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 3:41 am Post subject: