sometimes talking smack to my anxiety calms me down

jessica41481 · Newbie User Joined: Mar 06, 2008 Posts: 31

just had a panic attack.

so i was writing this while in the middle of having a panic attack. my parents left the house and im alone. and it happens right then. could breath. but this worked. it took about 15 mins. i am now relaxed. you dont have to read the entire page, but just get the idea of what i did. and then as you read further you can see me calming down.

god is with me

go ahead make it hard for me too speak
go ahead attack my chest again
go ahead suffocate me
go ahead make me shake
go ahead take away my sleep
go ahead take advantage of my cold and sinuses
go ahead and hurt my throat
go ahead and hurt my eyes
go ahead and attack my joints
god is with me always when you attack
go ahead and attack me everyday as you wish
go ahead and try to find different ways to attack me
because i find my ways to defeat you
im not afraid of my heart pounding
make it pound all you want
im not afraid of fainting.
so make me faint till next week if you like
im not afraid to lose air, cause i can get it back
im not afraid when you tighten my chest to suffocate, i can find my air
go ahead and attack
go ahead and try to take over
go ahead and put fear in my mind
but i can remove fear from my heart
go ahead and take my voice away
tomorrow it will come back, and i will keep talking back to you
go ahead and attack me
go ahead and attack me
my breathing is already calming as i'm talking to my anxiety monster
my hands are not shaking as much
go ahead and attack me. my throat is loosening up.
go ahead and attack, im not afraid to die or suffocate or what other way you decide to freak me out.
go ahead and attack me, theres not that much you can really take away
go ahead and attack me, im not taking my lorazepam, because i dont need you to calm me down.
i took it today with an earlier panic attack. and yes the drug made me feel great.
but as soon as it wore off, there came the monster again to suffocate me.
but go ahead and attack all night if you please. i can find my air, i can loosen my throat, i can take fear out of my heart. im not afraid to die. and today i know im not going to die. and if i do die it wont be because of you.

so go ahead and attack. cramp my fingers, and make my legs numb, i can wiggle my toes and its fine. go ahead and cramp my fingers again, because im still typing, and saying it out loud too that YOU SUCK!

so go ahead and attack you pathetic monster called anxiety. A pathetic name given to a so called "Disorder" because that is how weak you are. I find ways to defeat you, and so you try to attack me differently. Monsters like you are easy to face when you try to show up.

first you made me afraid of my heart beat. now ii could care less, and im not concerned about dying from a heart attack.

then when i lost that fear, you attacked my body and i was in pain. and then i told you to keep attacking and you stopped.

so today you found a way to catch me off gaurd while trying to eat breakfast at IHOp with family, and i start to choke and suffocate and almost pass out. so i popped my pill in fear. but now the pill has worn off and you think i am vulnerable. but no, im not. but you can try because i know you will. and so im inviting you attack me once more just as you did this morning and 15 minutes ago.

because right now i can breathe normal. and like i said im not afraid to die suffocating. i would rather suffocate then drown or be burried or burned alive.

so go ahead and attack.
go ahead and attack.
hmmm it seems like you decided to take a break. well take a long nap cause you need one. you put up a good fight but you always lose!

Infected_Malignity · Advanced User Joined: Oct 17, 2007 Posts: 350

amen.

that's like how you can't purposely induce a panic attack... it'll never work. it's only going to strike when you're afraid of your own nerves... or like i've dubbed that state: RESISTANCE MODE.

with all types of anxiety and fear, it seems like the best way to go is to induce it and let it crash over you. let it run its course. since you know it can't last forever, the more you have, the more experience will tell you that it's a completely harmless process.

i used to get panic attacks too... totally not fun. but i'm in no opposition whatsoever to having them now... and magically, they've been gone for years!

there's hope... believe it.

jessica41481 · Newbie User Joined: Mar 06, 2008 Posts: 31

so your saying what i did is still resisting? how did your go away?

Infected_Malignity · Advanced User Joined: Oct 17, 2007 Posts: 350

no, what you did was great. you just went with the 'go ahead and attack me, see if i care' approach, and started to get it under control (or at least that's what i gather from what you wrote) by doing so, since you quit resisting the fear.

how did i get mine to go away? it wasn't really as monumental as people think. i just took small steps and slowly let go of it. suck in that air, get plenty of sleep, revamp that diet... i also got too lazy to keep up with thee constant thoughts too, so that probably helped. staying busy.

also, i used to have OCD as well. be thankful you don't have to deal with that shit. that's one road i'm so glad i'll probably never have to go down again... that's the one thing that's worse than panic.

it's all overcomable. don't lose hope!!

StaciaBaby · Newbie User Joined: Mar 03, 2008 Posts: 18

How did you know you hadocd? What were someof the things you would do? Just curious.