Joined: Feb 28, 2008 Posts: 29 Location: England, Devon
Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 5:17 pm Post subject:
^ i might have to try that, although the past few weeks i've felt a lot better but it's got a knack of coming back, im trying to get a job and stuff so hopefully doing something with my time will make me remember there is a world out there and that i want to be in it.
_________________ As I sit feelin the pain in my wrist I vow to myself that I'ma change this shit Or at least I gotta try, or part of me will die And only by action will any ideas solidify So I inhale, exhale as I ponder, This grown man will make mistakes no longer - guru
I don't think I am all that shy either...I can talk to people I don't know at all at times depending on the situation... but I think about it alot before I speak, debating with myself wether or not what I'm about to say will be accepted. My Mother has told me many times that she thinks I talk fine to people, maybe I'm just a good faker in a way..who knows?. One of my teachers from way back, once told me I was a good speaker in front of the class & she told me I should sign up for speech class or what ever they call it nowadays....needless to say, those times in front of the class I was freaking inside days before & during the oral report...unknown to everyone else I guess. That was just before I realy began to be bothered badly by the S.A which ultimatly ended my school days 2 grades early.
Joined: Mar 25, 2008 Posts: 21 Location: Ohio, USA
Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 2:36 am Post subject:
#3, 4, and 5 are the worst problems for me. The main reason I want to sink into a hole is because I think there is something wrong with me and no one is going to want to be around me, I am too annoying and weird.
I do try to build up my social skills, but if it's not working right away I think I am unlikable or unlovable. It's hard to change that way of thinking! Especially when you see others with tons of friends and think, "I will never be like that." I guess I should think, why do I have to be like her? I can only be myself and I do have a few friends, I should focus on the positives. Right? Right.
right piper - NEVER EVER EVER compare yourself to others, and especially not to others who are HIGHLY SKILLED in areas you would like to be. Such comparison is MEANINGLESS and will only serve to depress you.
Comparing yourself to others is a NEGATIVE, beta behavior in itself.
Nobody would ever achieve ANYTHING if they compared themselves to the greats in their field. EVERYONE would get frustrated and give up.
If you have to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to yourself one year ago and gauge your progress.
Posted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 4:16 pm Post subject: Re: 6 reasons why 99% of people with SA will never get over
shield wrote:
2) They don't take baby steps- people with social anxiety push themselves too hard to do somthing that is too far beyond their comfort zone instead of building up gradually. The result is that the individual will not be consistent because they will dread repeating this activity. The solution is to start small and build up like with weight training. Over a year progress will be huge and after 2 years you will be totally over sp.
4) They compare themselves to others- Comparing yourself to others is probably the best way to decrease your self-esteem. It is one of the worst and most damaging things you can do and it has very serious consequences on your well being. Now that you know this decide never to compare yourself to others. Just worry about your own progress and stop looking at other people.
5) They are result oriented rather than process oriented- People with SP have a tendency to focus on making friends or getting a girlfriend/boyfriend instead of working on building social skills gradually. You are unlikely to develop relationships quickly. This is a process and forming a relationship is an end goal which may take several years to accomplish. It is better to accept your current status of being single and alone and learn to like it. You can be happy with this. It is not terrible to be alone. Focus on and enjoy the process of building your social confidence and skills because you may not get results in a hurry.
YES! These are the 3 things that have hurt me the most... even when I am aware of them, it is so difficult to put these issues out of my mind and just relax. So frustrating!
It's true that, for me, most if not all of those 6 things apply. However there's another crucial one; I genuinely don't like many people.
It's hard to force yourself to do something you fear if you also dislike it even without the fear. It doubles the reasons to avoid it, and usually one of the two reasons will win.
right piper - NEVER EVER EVER compare yourself to others, and especially not to others who are HIGHLY SKILLED in areas you would like to be. Such comparison is MEANINGLESS and will only serve to depress you.
Comparing yourself to others is a NEGATIVE, beta behavior in itself.
Nobody would ever achieve ANYTHING if they compared themselves to the greats in their field. EVERYONE would get frustrated and give up.
If you have to compare yourself to someone, compare yourself to yourself one year ago and gauge your progress.
I agree with most of the topic's points...
But disagree with one thing...
Though it makes you feel horrible when you compare yourself to another... how else will you know how to achieve your goals?
It's not like someone will volunteer and guide you through the progress...
Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 244 Location: 44/m/miami
Posted: Sun Mar 30, 2008 12:13 pm Post subject:
The brain is a comparison machine. It's not something we can turn off and on. Our brains are constantly comparing and making relations. When you notice your brain comparing something just say "thank you brain for that comparison".
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