I find it funny how while they make us feel uncomfortable... we want to be near them.
I think it is a psychological subconscious longing of wanting other personality traits that we prohibit within ourselves to be more free and be ourselves, therefore naturally attracted to them. Also the obvious enjoyment of socialization.
It's like as if we limit ourselves in that area so it feels like it's out of reach... and I think it's safe to assume that we all want things we feel we can't have.
Once we realize we have the capability to be as relaxed/joyful as they are, I feel this attraction will end and we will end up in our own way, whichever way that might be.
I also think it's the influence of society and media... the cool popular people have all the fun. To have a life, you must be doing this and this and that... they indicate.
I feel as if that once we understand ourselves, we wouldn't get so intimidated or nervous.
This is what I learned from being with my ex boyfriend... he was those party goers, socially, fun, lovable kind of guy... I immediately fell in love with him early on...
Oh boy was I blind...
. it's like i am just not relaxed, talkative, calm & cool enough and they can't understand *why* not.
When i approach these situations i feel like i can pull it off. But as soon as i am actually in the presence of other people they all suddenly turn in to adults and i run in to my shell. When they make conversation... I just agree with everything they say pretty much... or i deliver multiple sarcastic lines.
It's hard to relax because people usually talk about their experiences and then they ask you about yours... and the problem is i have nothing to say. I have done very little that is exciting for a long time!
PhantomPod wrote:
The whole "I need and WANT to get a life!" idea. I don't quite know how to go about getting one either though.
This is my biggest problem. Knowing how to actually step through the door as it were. People say "just get out there"... but when you've never been shown how or experienced a grown up social scene... it is impossible to 'just do it'.
I may try having a drink or something to calm my nerves. The only time i managed to go to a club was when i drank about 7 beers. I ended up getting really emotional as the night went on and it felt like i ruined my friends night... its embarassing thinking about it lol . But i will definately try and apply the word moderation to my drinking in future
My brother offers to go to town with me to the pubs/clubs but i am just too scared to say 'lets do it'... i don't really know what to expect from him... or the situation and i am worried about what he expects from me. I am fed up of being scared thats for sure. He doesn't really know about my anxiety issues... but i did open up to him when i was wasted a few weeks ago... which i regretted so much the next day .
livingnsilence wrote:
I actually like these kind of people, they're better at finding fun in the most boring places and are good at keeping away awkward silences. Unfortunately these type of people don't usually like me though b/c I'm boring.
These people are so full of energy... that's why i would like to be able to fit in with them...they have so much fun!
I know what you mean about being boring... I have NOTHING exciting or grown up/interesting to say. When i get all these nosey questions i have to say 'no' to almost all of them because i haven't done anything compared to them... which makes me feel so newb. I can deflect questions and play the 'mysterious' card but i still feel stupid because i know i really do have NOTHING to say.
TAMPA-BAY wrote:
I remember the car ride to and from the clubs consisted of him talking down to me about every little flaw. At least if the roles were reverse I would tell the person they did a great job just by showing up.
That sucks that he wasn't understanding. I usually find my brother can get easily frustrated and make some sweeping statements about things. The fact that you can take a step back and see the bigger picture is cool. Someone will need the advice from you someday when you are playing the older/wiser figure!
blonderedhead wrote:
Why is it that its always shy introverted people who feel they're missing out?
I mean theres a beauty in their simple carefree ways of life. But doesnt anyone think that theres some sort of intense and complex beauty in the way we are?
Sorry if this is a stupid question i'd just really like to know why shy, introvert automatically = boring, loser, needs a life, instead of vast, mindful, soulful any ideas?
I think there is a beauty in the way that we are thoughtful and there is also beauty in the way we look at life as a whole. I personally feel a sort of responsibility to help humanity evolve in a way (put a sock in my mouth already lol).
I never say those deep things out in the real world etc... only on here because i feel relatively safe form ridicule etc. I appreciate how others (you included) are open on here and i open up in return etc.
The problem i have is that my anxiety is holding me back from getting out there and doing things. I have the balance wrong... too much thought and not enough action/fun. I feel like i should be saving the Earth or something. What do you feel??
It seems like if i could get my social balance right then i would be able to stop worrying about my anxiety and move on to things that really matter to me.
The chance of finding someone of the opposite sex with the same feelings in this busy world is practically null... or atleast thats how it seems. Everyone is just so fake... or they have 100ft barriers up around them. I know i do.
Cynic wrote:
IcarusUnderWater wrote:
I REALLY want to go to parties/clubs etc but i don't know how to start.... I have no friends and it would be weird to go alone wouldn't it?
I've been to clubs and parties in the past and I've went alone, but often ended up feeling like a freak or an outcast when everyone else seems so confident, sociable and know to say the right things. I daresay some of them can be good company in the right setting and the right mood, but I've always known that I'm not in their league.
Cynic... you get kudos for doing it. That takes serious guts. You are in a different league. A league that triumphs over greed.
ghostpicnic wrote:
I find it funny how while they make us feel uncomfortable... we want to be near them.
I think it is a psychological subconscious longing of wanting other personality traits that we prohibit within ourselves to be more free and be ourselves, therefore naturally attracted to them. Also the obvious enjoyment of socialization.
It's like as if we limit ourselves in that area so it feels like it's out of reach... and I think it's safe to assume that we all want things we feel we can't have.
Once we realize we have the capability to be as relaxed/joyful as they are, I feel this attraction will end and we will end up in our own way, whichever way that might be.
I also think it's the influence of society and media... the cool popular people have all the fun. To have a life, you must be doing this and this and that... they indicate.
I feel as if that once we understand ourselves, we wouldn't get so intimidated or nervous.
This is what I learned from being with my ex boyfriend... he was those party goers, socially, fun, lovable kind of guy... I immediately fell in love with him early on...
Oh boy was I blind...
I think you have a really good point. But the fact is that you have to atleast try the whole party hard part before you can understand yourself. And remember that just because you had a bad experience with your ex... doesn't mean to say every party person is a scumbag... although i can completely relate you your relationship pain.
I agree with everything that you say... especially about the media. There is no basis for us to do something truly contructive for the benefit of those people that give a sh!t about the direction earth/humanity is taking.
Thanks for all your responses etc so far. I really enjoy these topics.
Well...... I myself would never go to a club...because I already know I would not enjoy myself...even under the influence....in fact for me that would just make it worse as booz makes my face flush red & makes me hot & sweaty as well as itchy...always has & I don't know why. I never drink unless I am at home in front of a fan.
If you're talking to an expert in any field, they're going to be intimidating to approach on that subject..well to us these people are 'social experts' and we think they'll only accept us if we are socially skilled, like them. This is a very nerveracking situation for us because we believe we are very handicapped socially, miles behind these people.
Cynic... you get kudos for doing it. That takes serious guts.
LOL thanx. I had some good times in the early days, but as time went on, I had a whole string of bad experiences which magnified my SA. I haven't done it in almost 10 years now.
IcarusUnderWater wrote:
You are in a different league. A league that triumphs over greed.
I think you have a really good point. But the fact is that you have to atleast try the whole party hard part before you can understand yourself. And remember that just because you had a bad experience with your ex... doesn't mean to say every party person is a scumbag... although i can completely relate you your relationship pain.
I agree with everything that you say... especially about the media. There is no basis for us to do something truly contructive for the benefit of those people that give a sh!t about the direction earth/humanity is taking.
Thanks for all your responses etc so far. I really enjoy these topics.
Well as for me and my opinion, I have tried it lol. Unless you're talking about the typical hard partying we see everywhere in the media (Paris Hilton?!), guess I haven't... I was a crazy teenager however...
I am not basing my opinions on my ex. I mentioned him there, saying that these people are not who everyone might figure they are. They might all differ individually... like for instance my ex... he was the way he is because of his high insecurity. Not all of them are highly socially skilled and what not. In my biased opinion... they might be skilled in the immaturity of socializing... hahaha.
And no... I do not think every party people is a scumbag... lol... I happen to like party people. They are friendly and chillaxed.
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 205 Location: Australia
Posted: Wed Apr 02, 2008 4:30 pm Post subject:
I know the type of experience you are talking about. However believe me that it doesn't necessary follow that they are having a great life. Sure they can let their hair down when they are obviously under the influence of some substance. So what. I can do that myself and I have in the past. Trust me, when they wake up the next day like most of us, they feel just the same.. Let's get rid of this delusion that everyone is having a good time except me. It's just not true. Everyone has their own individual problems that are just as significant to them as our precious social phobia is to us. That just life.
I am intimidated by really extroverted people too. All of my cousins are outgoing people and love clubbing, and I feel like the freak of nature. I went clubbing once and hated it, the loud music made me temporarily deaf and left my ears ringing for an hour...and just hated all these random dudes groping at me. But these days, if you're a young person who doesn't like the clubbing life it seems like you're being anti-social... it just sucks. At work there's this woman who is the complete polar opposite of me and it kind of overwhelms me. She's funny and lives life in the fast lane, and admits she gets bored of everything fast. She can't stop talking either and asks me alot of questions, half the time I have to make stuff up, because my life has been dull, I've been trapped at home for 7 years cause of SA. What am I supposed to say? lol. I always feel anxious and depressed around people because its so difficult for me to relate and feel at ease, so I have to just force myself to be interested in everything people do or say. I wish I could just let go and say whatever without worrying about what people think, I hate this part of my nature. But I am trying to keep exposing myself into social situations and get myself used to it. I don't want to die alone. To me what is the point of working hard at having a great career and everything, but no one to share it with. I have old highschool friends that know what I am going through, but it is still a challenge forcing myself to go out with them and just enjoy socialising. Ah well, one day at a time.
i feel like they are judging me and dont want to be around me. i think im actually kind of fun to be around in a quieter setting, but something that involves loud music, dancing, drinking, anything strictly social is just bleh!!
You are in a different league. A league that triumphs over greed.
I dunno what greed has to do with it. [/quote]
Hey i just meant you obviously are a deep thinker and able to analyse your feelings and the situations you were in. Whereas other people are greedy and don't think or care about hurting others etc.
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. But i will definately try and apply the word moderation to my drinking in future 
.
