This might upset some people.

justinzerofive · Newbie User Joined: Apr 18, 2008 Posts: 1

To this day I guess you could say I suffer from social anxiety. I am getting much better at it though. Today I spent my whole day without being in fear of going around people. That didn't mean I hung out with a bunch of people, I just did whatever and hung with the small amount of friends I do have.

Everything has to be classified. Really, what is the difference beetween social anxiety disorder and being shy for a long period of time, having it get worse over a period of time and being very depressed? There isn't one. A lot people will tell you otherwise. Drug makers will tell you otherwise. But me, someone who was so paranoid at one point I would sit in the corner on a sunny day in my room with the lights off afraid of answering the phone. I'm telling you it's not because I've been there and the fear isn't any less than it's ever been.

The truth is everyone wants to fit in, to have friends. The fact of life is a lot of people can't be popular. They just can't fit in. Everyone gets shy when talking to a hot chick or guy. You just learn to deal with it and as time goes by you don't even think about how awkward the situation is. Because the truth is, if you didn't care what people thought about you, you wouldn't be nervous or shy. A person can't go out everybody thinking "what will they think of me" because the world does not revolve around one person. We should be focused on the task at hand. Focused on what needs to be done, not what we look like doing it. If you cant accept this fact you will continue to live into a miserable shell. Let the drug companies lie to you, tell yourself there's something wrong with you, but the truth is - to everybody else in the world - you are just scared of being around other people. Because you think theyre better than you or because your really self-centered. The choice is up to you. Im just telling you, this thing ain't gonna magically work out and the world is going to give you an extra hand 'cause your scared to be around people.

Im not insulting anybody. Hell Im this way to. But you have to do what you have to do. Be focused on making money or finding a career. Something important, not about what someone thinks about you. So what if you look dumb or stupid or a slob or lazy or unattractive. No one elses but your own and maybe your families really matters in the end. The world is a cold world. People will use you. If they think your vulnerable theyll use it to your advantage.

The choice is up to you. Obviously, your plan didnt work if your still here. Why not give it a shot. Why not go a day not thinking about what people think of you? Because thats really all the problem is whether we like it or not.

miss_amy · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 21, 2007 Posts: 237

OK now for your telling off.

I think your post is really patronising and I think you are really thoughtless coming here with your first post with a title that clearly states you are going to upset some people.

What makes you think you have all the answers and that everyone here is in their miserable little shells as you put it. How do you know what everyone wants? Words like saying the world doesn't revolve one person. Grrr! Maybe you should consider a lot of us have a valid history that makes us this way an it takes more fixing than simple stop thinking.

If it was as simple as stop thinking about being scared of people don't you think we'd have all done it by now?

Your plan is obviously not working either and you don't have all the answers for us all.

sabbath92002 · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 9:57 am Post subject: Re: This might upset some people.

Some of your post makes sense, however, the following quotes don't.

Justme99 · Newbie User Joined: Feb 17, 2008 Posts: 3

I feel you made some very valid points.

I definitely appreciate that you gave your opinion, gave us something to think about, without attacking or cursing or namecalling. You just put your thoughts out there.

I also know that you didn't mean this applies to everyone, as everyone has a different situation.

Well, you gave me something to think about so thanks. Surprised

Sacrament · Advanced User Joined: Aug 15, 2006 Posts: 423

Chiaroscuro · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:34 am Post subject:

[quote="miss_amy"]= Grrr! Maybe you should consider a lot of us have a valid history that makes us this way quote]

Not having a go. Just wondering. If someone has SP but it wasn't caused by any trauatic events, does that mean it is somehow less valid?

Sacrament · Advanced User Joined: Aug 15, 2006 Posts: 423

Chiaroscuro · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 10:55 am Post subject:

I think I know what the self-centred thing means.

At our worst, when we are crippled by social anxiety, we are so absobed in protecting ourselves that we cannot be of any use to anyone else. And we are not a part of anything so we are not contributing to a greater good either.

Be honest. When you are at a real low point, how much time do you spend thinking about others for their own sake? - even family and friends.

Carstuar · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:01 am Post subject:

I understand and agree with some of it, but mostly it's an oversimplification.
As far as I know, people with SA can still be rational people. I, for one, know that my fear is irrational and irrelevant, but that does not mean I can just push it aside or ignore it. I never think about what other people think of me on purpose.
Sometimes it's just stronger than I am at a given time.

There is no quick fix. No miracle drug. No all-powerful way of thinking that just solves your problems. Just tiny steps towards greater comfort, and eventually, perhaps recovery. For me, the first of those steps have been exercise and sunlight. With depression out of the picture, I stand a better chance at fighting my social phobia.

Rainbowstar · Posted: Fri Apr 18, 2008 11:18 am Post subject:

I admire your no nonsense and tough attitude to the topic. I have respect for those people who get to the point. However, there are a few points I disagree with you on.

- You recommend we focus on earning money and a career. However, in order to earn money and to develop a career, there is a high likelihood we would need to interact with people. So overcoming social anxiety, will assist us in earning money and carving out a career.

- You say that the world is a cold world, people will use you. There is some truth to this as unfortunately evil and despicable people do exist. However, there also many people who are not like this. There are people who are humanitarians, philanthropists, people who actively do volunteer work or people with a kind and caring personality. I have read some wonderful stories of people doing anonymous good deeds for others. Check out the website good news network.

- It is actually natural to think about how others perceive us. If we completely do not care about what others thought of us, we would have the freedom to do whatever we what without restraint. We could run around naked, be disrespectful to people, not show table manners, behave in a silly way etc. To have a relationship with someone (e.g. peers, friends, girlfriend etc), we need to consider the other person or else we would never earn their respect and have a relationship with that person. With social anxiety, we think about how others perceive us too much to the point where it is unreasonable.

I used to worry alot about what people thought of me. I was a people pleaser. However, I realised this is impossible to please everyone not matter how hard I tried. I also realised that there will be many people with whom I will only see once in my life so it doesn't matter how they think about me.

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'Nothing is particularly difficult, if you divide it into small jobs' Henry Ford.