Passion for nothing

bletch · Newbie User Joined: Apr 19, 2008 Posts: 13

I've been reading the self-help book Painfully Shy, the section on existential concerns, and that got me thinking about motivation. Mainly, why I am motivated to better my life at all. The book lists a bunch of reasons that often give people their sense of purpose in life; vague, metaphysical directives like "leave the world a better place to live in," or "know myself and those close to me," or "create a sense of home," along with a half dozen others.

Just a bunch of empty words to me. If those are the things people strive for, I wonder why they bother. What does any of that shit matter in the end? History remembers a smattering of people after their deaths, and even those few are unable to witness the "immortality" they earned. Do they care what they accomplished now? Is it any comfort in the grave? Of course not. They're all equal now, along with all the other corpses. How was it worth it?

I'm reminded of my college years. I didn't have any motivation then, either. Oh, there was a vague desire to get a degree, get a job afterward, but no particular reason to care about one field or another. Even getting a job seemed kind of unrewarding -- I only wanted one so I could have enough money to live on my own, move out of my parent's house and get them out of my ear. There's nothing else I cared about. I don't have any lofty ideals to better the human race or whatever (with a definite emphasis on "whatever", there), nor does career advancement interest me. In fact, the whole concept of corporate achievement always seemed like a ridiculous waste of time to me.

Currently I'm out of college. On academic suspension. Still at my parent's house.

Raising a family is another goal i never really understood. That is, I get it on a biological level, propagating the human species and all that. But emotionally, I just don't... have you actually looked at most families out there? Bitter, unhappy, dysfunctional -- while the parents are either cheating on each other or already divorced. That's the better life I'm supposed to look forward to?

Then there's the fact of raising children, something that people are even worse at than marriage. How'm I supposed to raise a kid better than i was raised? And if I can't... fuck! You think I want to give this life to someone else?

The only things I can say that I want for sure are women. I don't mean that in a sexist way, so hopefully no one gets the wrong impression. I just like women. I don't think it's abnormal to want them in my life. But that desire in itself becomes an obstacle, because I'm a social screw-up. So that desire only makes my pre-existing anxiety worse, and ironically pushes the source of it further away. All the advice I hear seems to only reinforce the problem: relax, don't worry about what she thinks... act like you don't care... women don't want a guy that likes them too much. Etc. Again, I'm not trying to offend anybody, but as far as I can tell this advice is the truth. The guys that are relaxed and carefree around girls are attractive. The guys that are desperate for affection are rejected. It seems that I have passion in the one area where passion is a burden. Well in that case, I'd rather not have it.

I'm living for nothing, Striving for nothing. What is accomplishment?... One quote I've read says that "the only reward for a good life is a good life." Really? What about the people who strive and are still unhappy? Self-actualization...you actually believe in that shit? Why?

Incognito · Newbie User Joined: Apr 16, 2008 Posts: 45

krs2snow · Intermediate User Joined: Jan 25, 2008 Posts: 218

Hi Bletch. Each time I see your user name I read it as 'Belch' which happens to be one of my pet peeves and it disgusts me! Lol! But, alas, that is Not your name! Very Happy

So, that's good!

I think the importance of family is placed by society and the world in general because what else is there in this entirely crazy world that really, really matters? If you were to have No place to call home, how do you suppose you would feel? If you were just out there, floating around with no one who knew you, no one who actually cared about you and no real place to lay your head, how empty would that be? I mean, sure you can Do things in this world and have accomplishments but what does that really matter? Unless what you are doing is your true passion and you feel you are making a difference in some way- or at least following your heart- what are you really accomplishing? The only tangible thing left is to create a home base. A family that loves you and that you love back. That's really all there is as far as I can tell. I've yet to be successful in this area but I continue to have hope that one day I will.

blue_circle · Newbie User Joined: Mar 06, 2008 Posts: 11

Hi bletch, you have just written almost the same thoughts i believe.

The society got sons for nothing, without sense!!! this society every day is more empty. maybe this be a period of transition (i wish be this way if not poors of us, the race)

If there are something clear on me is i wont got childrens!!, besides i dont want for the reasons you have mentioned, i cant in my situation.

Have peace!! whithing your posibilities Confused