Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 3:15 pm Post subject: Girlfriend driving me crazy
I'm new to this forum, so let me start off by saying hello!
I've been struggling with severe OCD since early childhood, but more recently i've been struggling with my fiance of 3 years. She's the most intelligent, caring girl i've ever met..yet she's also one the most infuriatingly impulsive and random people i've ever met.
I'm a paranoid and obsessive person, she know's this just as much as I do, yet she insists on still springing things on me as if she's completley oblivious to the fact that I have extreme spontaenity issues. When she's random..or tells me her plans at the last possible second, in my mind she's cheating on me..or blowing me off. I've tried explaining this to her..but she just dosen't get it.
What should I do? I love my girl..but I have a feeling that my OCD in combination with her unwillingness to be understanding is going to lead to the breakdown of our relationship.
If you're planning on living the rest of your lives together get her to understand the picture. YOU DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF THING. If it's a big deal to you than it should be a big deal to her.
P.S. Err... by "tell her off" I don't mean be a douche, just that you should tell her... because you don't wanna spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with that. It's important to speak up about this kinda thing, or else just deal with it. Your choice.
_________________ "There is a girl in New York City who calls herself the human trampoline, and sometimes when I'm falling, flying or tumbling in turmoil I say, 'Whoa, so this is what she means.'"
- Paul Simon
I think it's really hard for our partners to understand. I guess you have to be as understanding to her things she is doing as you expect her to be to yours.
My man tries to be understanding and supportive but sometimes he just don't get it either. Things that in the outside world would be seen as lovely and thoughtful, like surprise limo, hair saloon, shopping and mega posh meal on balcony overlooking sea on my birthday. How lovely is that and I just freak out!
My logical side just sees how much thought and love he has put in to that and my anxiety side says how thoughtless he is, he knows that is all too much for me.
Well she has her own issues with ADD..and as much slack as I try to cut her because of that, no matter how many times I press the issue it's as if it just goes in one ear and out the other..and it's honestly driving me insane.
Could her seeming inability to listen and work on the problem have alot to do with the ADD?
Talk to HER about it. Not to say don't post on here for advice, but my advice is to talk to her... she's your FIANCE if you can't talk it out you then what are you doing?!
_________________ "There is a girl in New York City who calls herself the human trampoline, and sometimes when I'm falling, flying or tumbling in turmoil I say, 'Whoa, so this is what she means.'"
- Paul Simon
Relationships are complicated. How much either of you or both of you are prepared to change yourselves to fit each other is a big part of it. Maybe its just you don't fit together.
Joined: Oct 30, 2007 Posts: 171 Location: United States
Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 5:52 pm Post subject:
Matt89 wrote:
Well she has her own issues with ADD..and as much slack as I try to cut her because of that, no matter how many times I press the issue it's as if it just goes in one ear and out the other..and it's honestly driving me insane.
Could her seeming inability to listen and work on the problem have alot to do with the ADD?
It probably does go through one ear and out the other. My daughter is the same way...she has ADHD (and autism). Even though she takes meds for the ADHD, it's hard to keep her focus and take some things seriously.
Talk to HER about it. Not to say don't post on here for advice, but my advice is to talk to her... she's your FIANCE if you can't talk it out you then what are you doing?!
I have talked to her about it, until i'm blue in the face. That's the reason I'm on here in the first place..to maybe get a new perspective on it.
Shon, since your daughter is ADHD, do you have any tips or suggestions on what I could do to get my girlfriend to focus on how seriously this is bothering me?
Joined: Oct 30, 2007 Posts: 171 Location: United States
Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 6:26 pm Post subject:
Matt89 wrote:
Edith wrote:
Dude maybe.
Talk to HER about it. Not to say don't post on here for advice, but my advice is to talk to her... she's your FIANCE if you can't talk it out you then what are you doing?!
I have talked to her about it, until i'm blue in the face. That's the reason I'm on here in the first place..to maybe get a new perspective on it.
Shon, since your daughter is ADHD, do you have any tips or suggestions on what I could do to get my girlfriend to focus on how seriously this is bothering me?
If she's not on meds, it may be impossible for her to comprehend what you need. My daughter takes Adderall XR and I've seen improvement in the last 5 yrs she's been on it. Even with that, I have to tell her 10 times that it's time for dinner or to go to bed. She's always interrupting me so it takes patience.
I read somewhere that having ADD is like if you were to listen to music, the tv and someone talk at the same time. All these thoughts run through your mind and it's hard to know which to listen to.
If I get dramatic enough w/ my daughter, that sometimes works. If I say "You have to do your homework or you'll fail and be in 5th grade again next year" then she might do it. If you can exaggerate things and be as dramatic as possible, that's the only thing that might work other then meds.
You can't expect her to improve herself if you're not willing to do the same thing yourself. Take a little, give a little. In a relationship, you have to share, and that means everything. You have to battle your OCD just like 'we' have to battle SA and make the bad things go away.
_________________ Alas! Our dried voices, when we whisper together, are quiet and meaningless as wind in dry grass or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar.
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