Posted: Thu Apr 24, 2008 2:47 pm Post subject: New here - thoughts always drift to suicide
Hello there, I came across this forum and was hoping someone could relate to my story.
I'm a healthy, happily married for over 20 years male with great kids and a great job. I'm pretty well respected through the community and on the outside I have a great life. I have no financial stress, my marriage is stable and the family is doing well.
Unfortunately, I tend to be obsessive about things. I worry tons. Stress is a big factor in contributing to my thinking...but before, it was obsessing about my health, or finances, or something I may have said...I'd ruminate for days about it....
Anyway, I came across a news story about someone who committed suicide out of the blue. What they described was almost similiar to my situation, a well rounded guy that have everything going for him and then, suddenly, he kills himself. No note, no reason...everyone was shocked. I began to obsess about that and now its my #1 thing, from when I go to bed, to when I wake up...will I commit suicide, what will my family think, what if I suddenly snap while driving...I tell ya, I was able to deal with the health issues, but now this stupid thought is literally cemented in my head. I get distraced a bit by a phone call or something else, but then my mind gravitates back to it and I'm obsessing about suicidal thoughts again.
This has been one big problem and something I really can't discuss with my wife.
I think you should see someone professional and talk about it to someone who can help you with these thoughts.
I didn't have these thoughts as obsessively as you have, but I used to stand by the road, saying my head , 'shall I just go out, if I get hit it was meant to be' etc Same when driving, shall I just put my foot down and steer in to the wall. My therapy helped me stop these thoughts. I never did anything but I sometime wonder if I would have one day if I didn't get my head sorted.
Lots of seemly normal people do commit suicide. There was a man last year in our village, seemingly happy family man. His wife came home one day and found him hanging from the beams.
I think it sounds asthough you are in alot of emotional pain. Just because you are fortunate in life, does not mean that you have no right to feel as you do.
I would recommend you see a doctor, they may beable to refer you to someone who can help you control your thoughts, as opposed to your thoughts controlling you.
Do you have any friends you can confide in? It always shocks me when one starts to talk about taboo issues, they rarely turn out to actually be taboo as so many people experience them. Perhaps you could write your wife a note, or some other method to alert her to where you are emotionally right now?
I hope you can seek some help, and find some peace from all this emotional turmoil. To have achieved what you have described in your life, I am sure you can achieve this and rid yourself of these demons.
I don't think it sounds as if you're in emotional pain. Do you actually want to commit suicide? Or are you just thinking these things because ocd makes you think them? With me it's the latter, but sometimes it's confusing and I think about it so much that I wonder if I actually do want to commit suicide, even though I know I don't want to.
Joined: Dec 07, 2006 Posts: 359 Location: 44/m/miami
Posted: Fri Apr 25, 2008 9:33 am Post subject:
I usually have thoughts like that when I'm really tired. So I just go to sleep and feel better when I wake up. Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) teaches that thoughts are just thoughts. The more you resist a thought, the more it'll persist. Just treat those thoughts as you would a tired child, with compassion and gentleness.
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