man same boat. i've had a bunch of friends that are girls, but no girlfriends. i just clam up around them and hey, i don't look too great either. Need tips!! theres gotta be successful people on this forum too in this department who can give advice.
I'm 24. I don't have a girlfriend and the only girls I know are acquaintances. In my family, everyone is a male except my mum and I went to a boy's school. So, I've had minimal experience with girls. I'm at uni now and I'm starting to chat more to girls and learning how to communicate with them.
Regarding your comments about good looks, some girls may go for good looks others for personalities or both. It is interesting to note that good looking couples don't necessarily have the best relationships (Jennifer Anistron and Brad Pitt, Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise, Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe). Also, many good looking Hong Kong pop stars are single.
My approach would be to keep finding the right person. I would rather be single and keep searching rather than be a unsatisfying and unfulfilling relationship. Personality does count in the long run. People get accustomed to the good looks and it is personality that matters when problems occur in a relationship. Every relationship is going to have problems (e.g. arguments etc) and this is when the right personality matters (e.g. maturity), not looks. That's my view.
_________________ 'Nothing is particularly difficult, if you divide it into small jobs' Henry Ford.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:40 pm Post subject:
recluse wrote:
Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.
Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.
Shit time is running out!
Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.
People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.
Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.
Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.
You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 3:50 pm Post subject:
Argamemnon wrote:
I'm a 31 year old male, and I too have never had a girlfriend. I've never visited a prostitute either. You are definitely not alone, trust me. You should check some older threads on this site and see yourself.
Thank you for post, although I have never had a girlfriend, unfortunately my only "intimacy" (if you can call that?), with women, has been as a result of me paying a prostitute. Paying a prostitute is not something I am proud of, nor would I recommend other men to do the same, as it is ones own personal choice. But at the end of the day, I am a man who has needs, and as I am not able to establish relationships with women, then paying for sex is my only option.
Thank you for post, although I have never had a girlfriend, unfortunately my only "intimacy" (if you can call that?), with women, has been as a result of me paying a prostitute. Paying a prostitute is not something I am proud of, nor would I recommend other men to do the same, as it is ones own personal choice. But at the end of the day, I am a man who has needs, and as I am not able to establish relationships with women, then paying for sex is my only option.
I understand.. as for me; I'm even too shy to visit a prostitute. I'm actually fairly good looking (according to other people) and nobody understands my problems except fellow sufferers of SA.
I have the same problems I can never approach girls because I know I dont have anything of interest to talk about. Im not very confident with my looks either, even though I've been told im good looking. I just become very uncomfortable when around girls.
For example I was out for a friend's birthday last saturday and there were quite a few of my close friends out. I was introduced to my friends uni flatmate who was absolutely hot! and was told she was single by my other friends. I was getting encouraged by my friends to try and 'pull' her but I couldnt do it. I was scared of what to say and how she would react if I approached her.
I suppose the whole thing jus comes naturally to some people;
Joined: Aug 17, 2007 Posts: 1142 Location: Wales, UK
Posted: Tue Apr 29, 2008 8:22 pm Post subject:
Sebr3 wrote:
recluse wrote:
Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.
Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.
Shit time is running out!
Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.
People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.
Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.
Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.
You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.
All the best to you.
Hi. It's true that confidence is not something that can be brought. A person must take the risk and realise that rejection is a fact of life, but a shy person with low self esteem like myself will not take that risk in the first place, i mean every guy has been rejected at some point but confident guys seem to be able to shrug the rejection off, whereas guys like us are hurt deeply by rejection and we only remember the things which have hurt us.
Well this guy at work even makes fun of his ''friends'' so what chance is there for anyone else if he is this disloyal? He is not exactly popular at work because he is a poser, but i've seen him when i used to out drinking with workmates with a different girl each time. This is one reason why i don't bother going with my workmates drinking anymore (not even at Christmas)
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 8:56 am Post subject:
recluse wrote:
Sebr3 wrote:
recluse wrote:
Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.
Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.
Shit time is running out!
Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.
People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.
Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.
Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.
You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.
All the best to you.
Hi. It's true that confidence is not something that can be brought. A person must take the risk and realise that rejection is a fact of life, but a shy person with low self esteem like myself will not take that risk in the first place, i mean every guy has been rejected at some point but confident guys seem to be able to shrug the rejection off, whereas guys like us are hurt deeply by rejection and we only remember the things which have hurt us.
Well this guy at work even makes fun of his ''friends'' so what chance is there for anyone else if he is this disloyal? He is not exactly popular at work because he is a poser, but i've seen him when i used to out drinking with workmates with a different girl each time. This is one reason why i don't bother going with my workmates drinking anymore (not even at Christmas)
You have made some good points in particular regarding rejection.
Even the most accomplished womaniser or "player" sometimes gets rejected, I don't think there is a man on earth, who has a 100% success rate with women (unless he is Brad Pitt, or some other type of celebrity). Rejection itself is no such a bad thing, as long as you have a few successes along the way. Unfortunately, for us guys that have never had girlfriends, your confidence is low because you don't think you can do it, plus you don't have any success to measure yourself against.
Speaking for myself, I take rejection very personally, and find it very painful. It's not because I think I have a god given right to a girlfriend/wife, it's because you see men who treat women like shit succeed at dating, whereas us decent guys are left to rot alone. It's as if we are being punished for being brought up by good parents who taught us decency and respect, and treating others, the way you would liked to be treated.
Going to back to that jerk at your workplace, it sounds like he needs a good beating around the head, he sounds like a "category 5 wanker". Sadly, many women today find negative attributes in men (eg.abusive,rude,violent, unfaithful etc), as being attractive, and seem to gravitate towards these creeps like flies to shit. Whenever you hear a woman saids she wants a guy who is nice, don't believe her, she is full of shit, and is talking through her arse. Women love their bad boys and thugs, they seem to think that being a violent and abusive man is showing male strength, when we know this totally false.
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