Here is a topic that I Goggled; I sort of relate with it (a bit) :-
I appreciate this post is 5 years old, but I only joined this site today, and didn't even know it existed until now.
I can certainly relate to this. I am 39, and have never had a girlfriend, nor has any woman shown any romantic interest in me. I have asked lots of women out but always get rejected.
The worst thing is how people make fun of you, and insult you just because you can't pick up a different woman every night.
To forget about the pain this causes me, I have taken on part time job at night in addition to my full time job.
It can be overcome, but at your age you need help. I think that, with age one acquires certain bad mental habits that can destroy your chances. You need someone to ground you and teach you new ways to think (it can takes from months to a year to start seeing real chances, but since you have been waiting so long....).
Thank you for that, and I may have look at it, but I from Australia, and much of this material seems to come from the U.S.
May I ask, this not more advice from "pick up" artists is it??
Yes, as you get older, you do develop bad mental habits, but not being able to establish normal relationships with women, has caused me a lot of personal pain and anguish. The worse thing is, is that you are trapped, and can't get out. What I mean is, if I go out and try to meet women either face to face or by the internet, I always get rejected, and as such your confidence nosedives, but if you stay at home, you are not going to meet anyone either, Either way I am in a catch 22, and can't win.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 12:56 pm Post subject:
mrblack wrote:
well it's better to try everything to solve your problems then sink into your misery, by accepting that things won't change.
try researching the internet for those seduction sites. It may sound evil at first, but as you read you will find useful information about approaching women and how to keep conversations with them, and these are written by men who have studied for years around women and their past experiences.
fastseduction.com is a good one, and has a forum with people to get advice from.
i prefer david deangelo's material. you should sign up for his free newsletter and if that works, try out his stuff (which is pricey,)
almost all the time the male is going to have to approach the female, and even if the female approaches himl, the male should be able to speak for himself. rather than being skeptical on how to get better, we should give things a try, and most importantly force ourselves to make the change that we want.
It doesn't matter how old you are. If you meet a girl, you do not have to share your lonely past with her. I am sure she won't want to really hear it. Maybe after a while when thigns get better you can vaguely bring it up. But to suceed with women us men are going to have to master small talk. And this is going to be in conflict with our social phobia. We must use our will to remember this is complete bullshit. We are just basing everythign on dreadful past experiences.
Why not use these dreadful past experiences as tools, to know what NOT to do next time in a situation?
Just relax chill out, let gravity bring you down, lay back. breath slow (not fast), find a peace of mind, stop worrying, stop doing stuff that panics you
Do you honestly think these seduction gurus are for real??,or they just snake oil salesmen who prey on us poor guys who can't get women??
Forgive me for sounding defeatist here, but these so called seduction gurus teach you (if their material actually works??), is how to pick up bar skanks using mind games,talking shit, and using cheesy pick up lines. The way I look at is this, if the woman you are approaching is not immediatey physically attracted to you, she will not ENGAGE with, and no amount of bullshit "seduction" techniques is going to help you.
I don't profess to be an expert on dating, as I have never had a girlfriend, I have approached lots of women, and always got rejected.
When I have approached women, I don't share "my lonely past", I try to be funny, entertaining and interesting. But if the woman you are approaching is simply not attracted to you, no amount of bullshit seduction technique is going to help you. These seduction gurus or dating coaches claim that even ugly bastards like me can pick up hot women by using their material, yeah right, I just looked out the window, and saw some "pigs flying past" in the sky, and that $100.00 bills growing on trees.(sarcasm mode off).
Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 4:57 pm Post subject: Re: Love-Shyness
Sebr3 wrote:
Thank you for that, and I may have look at it, but I from Australia, and much of this material seems to come from the U.S.
May I ask, this not more advice from "pick up" artists is it??
Yes, as you get older, you do develop bad mental habits, but not being able to establish normal relationships with women, has caused me a lot of personal pain and anguish. The worse thing is, is that you are trapped, and can't get out. What I mean is, if I go out and try to meet women either face to face or by the internet, I always get rejected, and as such your confidence nosedives, but if you stay at home, you are not going to meet anyone either, Either way I am in a catch 22, and can't win.
No this is not pick up artist, these are people that went to some self-help changes or trough psychotherapy. I don't have time, nor feel real using picking up artist methods, but I do try my owns, and basically it started to work out little by little, confidence, and be proactive makes the difference, regardless the pick up line. Besides, I don't like clubs so I prefer meeting girls in hiking, cycling, or sports groups.
The key is, do things that you like or always wanted to try that also can help you to meet girls, and go for them.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 5:45 am Post subject: Re: Love-Shyness
nandito wrote:
Sebr3 wrote:
Thank you for that, and I may have look at it, but I from Australia, and much of this material seems to come from the U.S.
May I ask, this not more advice from "pick up" artists is it??
Yes, as you get older, you do develop bad mental habits, but not being able to establish normal relationships with women, has caused me a lot of personal pain and anguish. The worse thing is, is that you are trapped, and can't get out. What I mean is, if I go out and try to meet women either face to face or by the internet, I always get rejected, and as such your confidence nosedives, but if you stay at home, you are not going to meet anyone either, Either way I am in a catch 22, and can't win.
No this is not pick up artist, these are people that went to some self-help changes or trough psychotherapy. I don't have time, nor feel real using picking up artist methods, but I do try my owns, and basically it started to work out little by little, confidence, and be proactive makes the difference, regardless the pick up line. Besides, I don't like clubs so I prefer meeting girls in hiking, cycling, or sports groups.
The key is, do things that you like or always wanted to try that also can help you to meet girls, and go for them.
I too don't like clubs, and yes doing activities that you enjoy is a more pleasant way to meet people, than tying to meet women in some shitty nightclub.
At the moment, I am seeing a counsellor about my shyness and lack of self confidence.
thank god i thought i m the only one in this world who suffer this kind of syndrome until i came to this site, this means we - love shy men are not alone, and we really need to put a lot of effort to overcome this phobia, because living alone is causing too much depression.
no one ever understood my problem when i told my friends because they just couldn't understand our situation, and i give up telling my problem to people because they will think that i m a weird person. Sometimes i even lied to my friends and tell them that i had a relationship in the past to make them think that i m a normal person. I have been struggling hard all the time to approach girls but i just simply cannot overcome the shyness that makes me nervous and anxious. I know i m not good looking and thinking of suicide in the past but never commit it because i knew it was a stupid idea. Alcohol can make me feel less nervous and talk more naturally with girls.
this is just a mental problem, and lack of confidence and fear of rejection. The way to solve this problem is by building up your confidence and stop thinking of what other people thinks about you. Just do it in your own way, experience it and learn it by your own. Anyway, I'm glad to know that i m not the only one suffering this problem and glad to know that i m not alone.
You're not alone. I've had this my whole life.
I'm 39 years old. I've only had one girlfriend in my life when I was in high school. It was only for a couple of weeks, and we never even kissed. I haven't had a single date since then. I've never had sex although I have asked out several women since high school. I've been turned down at least the last 10 times in a row. The last girl I asked just said "No... I don't think so, sorry". It took me 2 years to work up the courage to ask her out because I was so afraid of getting rejected. It's a girl I worked with for several months, so she knows I'm not some psycho. I don't think I'm bad looking. I'm Caucasian, 5'10" & 150 Lbs. I don't have any scars or anything unusual physically. I am quiet guy that avoids crowds and noisy places. I don't go to a lot of parties or clubs for that reason. I have only a couple of friends, and I only see them occasionally. I rarely get phone calls, and I don't even get junk mail.
I'm very depressed lately since I just got turned down the last time recently (two months ago). It seems like nobody wants me, and I'll end up alone and lonely for the rest of my life.
I think I'll stop now cause I think I'm going to cry.
Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 46 Location: The Netherlands
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 5:32 pm Post subject:
Morose wrote:
I think I'll stop now cause I think I'm going to cry.
Regards,
Morose.
If you don't respect and love yourself how can you expect women to be attracted to you? No special technique or pick up line will work if you aren't happy with who you are. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, it's just that sympathy and self pity won't get you anywhere. By doing the same thing over and over again, you end up getting the same result. The problem doesn't lie with the women rejecting you, the problem lies within yourself !
What is your plan to beat your love shyness? Are you actively working on impoving yourself, do you value yourself enough to take the action necessary to improve? Or do you believe you are not in control of your own life, that some force outside you decides your fait?
Life isn't fair, plain and simple. Some people have to work harder to achieve the things they desire in life. The only difference between a confident and happy man and yourself is time. You can change !! You are in control and you can choose to make it happen for yourself. You CAN get a fullfulling relationship with the woman of your dreams if you are granted enough TIME. You are only 39 years old, there is still plenty of time to change your situation around for the better.
Go see a councellor, reach out for help if you feel like you are at rock bottom. You alone are responsible for your own life, accept the fact that your life isn't what you want it to be and let it inspire you to go hard after the things in life you desire. Make a commitment to improve. Onlly then you will be able to make your woman happy, loving yourself and accepting yourself is key.
If you don't respect and love yourself how can you expect women to be attracted to you? No special technique or pick up line will work if you aren't happy with who you are. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything, it's just that sympathy and self pity won't get you anywhere. By doing the same thing over and over again, you end up getting the same result. The problem doesn't lie with the women rejecting you, the problem lies within yourself !
eR1K what are you doing on this website? I looked at all 42 of your posts, and all you do here pretty much is give advice to other people. You never started a topic of your own, not once. Not one post do you even talk about a problem you have, only ones you once had. Gee, you were single for five years, and lost your virginity at the ripe old age of 21 to a intelligent, fun-loving beutiful girl. Your life is going great and getting better every day. Pardon me if I don't feel your pain. Try being single for twenty five years, and still a virgin. Your advice rings hollow to me. You DON'T know what it's like, and I don't care how many books on the subject you have read.
You seem to genuinly be trying to help people, and I can appreciate that. It shows you have a compassionate nature, but I think this website is for people to get support from their peers, not for people to tell everyone else how to fix their lives, especially if your not in the same boat.
Last edited by Morose on Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:45 pm; edited 1 time in total
Joined: Feb 19, 2008 Posts: 46 Location: The Netherlands
Posted: Wed Jun 18, 2008 7:49 pm Post subject:
You are right Morose, I have only been diagnosed with a light form of SA and it's no where near as bad as many other members on this forum. I only found out about this forum after I pretty much rid myself of SA. I don't know how bad your current situation is or to which extend you feel like you are unlucky in life.
Most of all it is not my intention to tell you how to live your life or how to fix your problems. I see so much negativity on this forum, it's like everyone forgot that life can be a beautifull thing and isn't a burden. I'm trying to show another side to things.
I can also understand that you find my words hollow, because our experience of life is totally different.
I'm not trying to critisize you in any way, and if I offended you it's not my intention. All I am asking you is what do you want for yourself. What kind of reply did you expect to get from your first post?
I'm not trying to criticize you in any way, and if I offended you it's not my intention. All I am asking you is what do you want for yourself. What kind of reply did you expect to get from your first post?
I wasn't really expecting a reply. My post was intended to support the the person who started the topic by letting him know I relate to what his post said. Although considering how I ended it, maybe it was a subconscious cry for help.
I actually have been trying to improve my self esteem/confidence, and earlier today a woman did try to 'chat me up'. The only problem was that she was about 5'11" 200+ Lbs and looked like she was about 19 years old. She seemed like a very nice girl, but I'm not looking for a nice girl, I'm looking for a naughty girl. I just wasn't interested.
Also, I don't have social anxiety, I have love-shyness. I'm fine around girls I'm not interested in. It's only around women that I'm sexually or romantically attracted to where I become crippled. I had no problem at all talking to the girl I mentioned earlier because I didn't fancy her.
Last edited by Morose on Fri Jul 04, 2008 10:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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