Posted: Sun Apr 27, 2008 7:31 pm Post subject: the cold approach
Just out of curiosity really: who has ever approached a complete stranger with the intention of courtship? If you have: how did you go about it, where were you when you did it and how successful were you?
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:08 pm Post subject: Re: the cold approach
ghost_train wrote:
Just out of curiosity really: who has ever approached a complete stranger with the intention of courtship? If you have: how did you go about it, where were you when you did it and how successful were you?
Back in December 2007, I met a dating coach (and no, I didn't pay him any money, I am not that gullible), and he got me to approach several groups of women and start a conversation, with a topic like:
"who do you think cheats in relationships more, men or women?"
Being a very shy man, I was terrified at first but did approach a few groups of women. I did ask this one girl for her contact details, but as usual I got rejected.
The dating coach I met claimed that even an ugly old fart like me (I am 39), can pick up hot women using his techniques, but this dating coach (in the eyes of women) would be considered universally handsome, he was 6ft 4 inches tall, had a good head of hair. I think he was telling me what I wanted to hear, but I am not going to waste nearly a $1,000.00 on a course on how to seduce women. What if I get rejected again? (like I always do???), and do my dough, no thanks, I am not that stupid.
I suppose my lack of good looks has written me off in the dating arena.
Joined: Apr 07, 2008 Posts: 56 Location: 19/m/North Shore, MA
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 1:40 pm Post subject:
Dude... not me!
_________________ Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Joined: Aug 09, 2007 Posts: 33 Location: Melbourne
Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 2:17 pm Post subject:
Being a female, I don't think the cold approach works at all, I mean, even when I was single I would automatically say no because I just find the whole thing staged and yep, "cold".
I think people need to take a new direction in trying to meet the opposite sex, befriending them first, or having a group of people you know along with yourself join another group and ease into conversation, nothing to do with sex, relationships or anything that might seem along the lines of trying too hard to impress.
You'd be surprised how much women actually like shy/quiet guys. I like those kind of guys and my boyfriend is pretty quiet, but has a lot to say when he needs to.
Maybe think about just embracing the shyness, turn it into a good point. You can be mysterious and women might just approach you
Maybe think about just embracing the shyness, turn it into a good point. You can be mysterious and women might just approach you
yeah..except that such a thing only works if you are exceptionally good looking. A mysterious and ugly man is not going to be getting any positive attention, they will be labeled as a serial killer.
I do agree with the other approaches to meeting people and dating. These ridiculous pickup line type things seem blatantly pathetic.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:21 am Post subject:
AM wrote:
Being a female, I don't think the cold approach works at all, I mean, even when I was single I would automatically say no because I just find the whole thing staged and yep, "cold".
I think people need to take a new direction in trying to meet the opposite sex, befriending them first, or having a group of people you know along with yourself join another group and ease into conversation, nothing to do with sex, relationships or anything that might seem along the lines of trying too hard to impress.
You'd be surprised how much women actually like shy/quiet guys. I like those kind of guys and my boyfriend is pretty quiet, but has a lot to say when he needs to.
Maybe think about just embracing the shyness, turn it into a good point. You can be mysterious and women might just approach you
I agree that the cold approach generally doesn't work, and I normally don't approach women as I am very shy, and my confidence level is low because of the constant rejections I have had to endure. And yes, meeting people through mutual friends is much more pleasant way of finding a potential girlfriend/boyfriend, than the cold approach.
However, I disagree that women actually like shy/quiet guys, I am glad to hear that you do, but generally speaking women see shy and quiet men as weak,boring and unattractive. From what I can gather, many women seem to think that the loud obnoxious arseholes (aka bad boys/jerks), are confident men are attractive and fun (even though much of the "confidence" these men project is fake).
And no woman will ever make the first move ie.approach you, unless you look like Brad Pitt or are some other type of celebrity.
Being a female, I don't think the cold approach works at all, I mean, even when I was single I would automatically say no because I just find the whole thing staged and yep, "cold".
I think people need to take a new direction in trying to meet the opposite sex, befriending them first, or having a group of people you know along with yourself join another group and ease into conversation, nothing to do with sex, relationships or anything that might seem along the lines of trying too hard to impress.
You'd be surprised how much women actually like shy/quiet guys. I like those kind of guys and my boyfriend is pretty quiet, but has a lot to say when he needs to.
Maybe think about just embracing the shyness, turn it into a good point. You can be mysterious and women might just approach you
I agree that the cold approach generally doesn't work, and I normally don't approach women as I am very shy, and my confidence level is low because of the constant rejections I have had to endure. And yes, meeting people through mutual friends is much more pleasant way of finding a potential girlfriend/boyfriend, than the cold approach.
However, I disagree that women actually like shy/quiet guys, I am glad to hear that you do, but generally speaking women see shy and quiet men as weak,boring and unattractive. From what I can gather, many women seem to think that the loud obnoxious arseholes (aka bad boys/jerks), are confident men are attractive and fun (even though much of the "confidence" these men project is fake).
And no woman will ever make the first move ie.approach you, unless you look like Brad Pitt or are some other type of celebrity.
I completely agree with you. Women (generally), whatever they think want, or want to want, are not attracted to shy guys. It's also true about women never approaching. They may give off body language, but they'll never do the actual approaching- that's the guy's role, pure and simple. Now I don't think I'm bad looking- I've been told (by my mummy ) that I'm handsome. But I think you've got to be some kind of A&F model, or someone famous to get approached outright (at least in this country).
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 11:41 am Post subject:
hippiechild wrote:
AM wrote:
Maybe think about just embracing the shyness, turn it into a good point. You can be mysterious and women might just approach you
yeah..except that such a thing only works if you are exceptionally good looking. A mysterious and ugly man is not going to be getting any positive attention, they will be labeled as a serial killer.
And what do serial killers look like?? I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think some people have been watching too many movies. Some of the worst real life serial killers have been the most normal looking people on the outside, but obviously evil on the inside. Take Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Darmer for example, on the outside these notorious serial killers looked liked normal every day guys.
I don't know how women equate being handsome means trustworthy, and ugly = evil. A person can look normal on the outside, but be a monster in disguise, or a person may look mean and nasty, but could be gentle and kind.
I do agree with the other approaches to meeting people and dating. These ridiculous pickup line type things seem blatantly pathetic.
I agree, I personally think these so called dating gurus and seduction experts are just snake oil salesmen who prey on us guys who through no fault of our own, struggle to attract women. At the end of the day, if the woman you wish to establish a relationship with is not physically attracted to you, she will not engage, and no cheesy pick up line is going to help you.
I know two people that have met their spouses in a bar and they are now married to them. They did this through a cold approach!!! I don't think you have to focus on meeting a girlfriend or boyfriend by cold approaching but its a great way of building social confidence which will help you with your relationships in general.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 3:47 pm Post subject:
shield wrote:
I know two people that have met their spouses in a bar and they are now married to them. They did this through a cold approach!!! I don't think you have to focus on meeting a girlfriend or boyfriend by cold approaching but its a great way of building social confidence which will help you with your relationships in general.
Firstly, I am happy for the two people you have mentioned, and I wish them life long happiness.
However, for us love shy guys approaching a woman cold, is like jumping in the ocean with a hungry Great White Shark. Where I come from, ie, Sydney, Australia, the women here are so rude,stuck up and unapproachable. You must understand that for guys like me who never ever had a girlfriend, and have always been rejected by women, approaching a woman cold is total hell.
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) that I'm handsome. But I think you've got to be some kind of A&F model, or someone famous to get approached outright (at least in this country).