I have the same problems I can never approach girls because I know I dont have anything of interest to talk about. Im not very confident with my looks either, even though I've been told im good looking. I just become very uncomfortable when around girls.
For example I was out for a friend's birthday last saturday and there were quite a few of my close friends out. I was introduced to my friends uni flatmate who was absolutely hot! and was told she was single by my other friends. I was getting encouraged by my friends to try and 'pull' her but I couldnt do it. I was scared of what to say and how she would react if I approached her.
I suppose the whole thing jus comes naturally to some people;
(lucky B******s!)
You have described me perfectly. I have been told by plenty of girls/women that I am handsome. Anytime I see a sex young lady I just have no idea what to say! I wish somone could help me, but I need to help myself. I don't want to be single forever!!
I only had have 1 Girlfriend and she broke up with me afther only 1 month of dating, after that I've asked a lot of girls out but allways got rejected. u.u
Joined: Aug 17, 2007 Posts: 1220 Location: Wales, UK
Posted: Thu May 01, 2008 6:12 pm Post subject:
Sebr3 wrote:
recluse wrote:
Sebr3 wrote:
recluse wrote:
Hi 27 year old here, have hugged two girls (not including my sister) in my life and kissed one girl on the lips, but never had a girlfriend. It really depresses me because i know i will respect a girl, but my self esteem is so low i can't imagine a girl ever liking me. If we don't have confidence in ourselves then we don't have belief that we are attractive to women. I hate feeling so inexperienced, i mean i have no confidence to start talking to women and i see the asshole type guys getting the girl. One asshole from work made a snide comment that i don't know how to talk to women, and comments like this drag me even further to a pit of despair.
Girls always see me as a weirdo probably because i start acting panicky and weird.
Shit time is running out!
Hi there Recluse, yes I can certainly relate to your story and I can feel your pain.
People who are not in our situation, will often dispense the same old tired advice eg. "you need confidence" etc,etc. What these people don't realise is that confidence is not something you can buy from a shop, or you get from a pill prescribed by your Doctor.
Confidence comes from three words, they are: "Previous, Performance, Accomplishment", which basically means if you know you have done it before successfully you know you can do it again. When shy and quiet guys like me keep getting rejected (even by ugly women), your confidence gets beaten down so badly, any motivation you have to approach women effectively gets killed, because you are not confident of success.
Yes, unfortunately the asshole guys,aka bad boys and thugs, sadly seem to be more successful at dating than us nice guys. But in the end, the braindead females that date and sometimes marry these creeps will end up getting burned, so no loss there. With regards to that asshole at your workplace who put you down, that was very cruel and insensitive, he sounds like the type of guy who laughs at people in wheelchairs or people who are mentally or physically handicapped. He is just a prick, and you should ignore him.
You are still a young man at 27, and I hope you find the woman of your dreams, you sound like a decent person. Unfortunately, I am not sure what the answer to our problems with women, as I have never had any success myself.
All the best to you.
Hi. It's true that confidence is not something that can be brought. A person must take the risk and realise that rejection is a fact of life, but a shy person with low self esteem like myself will not take that risk in the first place, i mean every guy has been rejected at some point but confident guys seem to be able to shrug the rejection off, whereas guys like us are hurt deeply by rejection and we only remember the things which have hurt us.
Well this guy at work even makes fun of his ''friends'' so what chance is there for anyone else if he is this disloyal? He is not exactly popular at work because he is a poser, but i've seen him when i used to out drinking with workmates with a different girl each time. This is one reason why i don't bother going with my workmates drinking anymore (not even at Christmas)
You have made some good points in particular regarding rejection.
Even the most accomplished womaniser or "player" sometimes gets rejected, I don't think there is a man on earth, who has a 100% success rate with women (unless he is Brad Pitt, or some other type of celebrity). Rejection itself is no such a bad thing, as long as you have a few successes along the way. Unfortunately, for us guys that have never had girlfriends, your confidence is low because you don't think you can do it, plus you don't have any success to measure yourself against.
Speaking for myself, I take rejection very personally, and find it very painful. It's not because I think I have a god given right to a girlfriend/wife, it's because you see men who treat women like shit succeed at dating, whereas us decent guys are left to rot alone. It's as if we are being punished for being brought up by good parents who taught us decency and respect, and treating others, the way you would liked to be treated.
Going to back to that jerk at your workplace, it sounds like he needs a good beating around the head, he sounds like a "category 5 wanker". Sadly, many women today find negative attributes in men (eg.abusive,rude,violent, unfaithful etc), as being attractive, and seem to gravitate towards these creeps like flies to shit. Whenever you hear a woman saids she wants a guy who is nice, don't believe her, she is full of shit, and is talking through her arse. Women love their bad boys and thugs, they seem to think that being a violent and abusive man is showing male strength, when we know this totally false.
Do you think that women who go for these type of guys have low self-esteem? Why else would a woman put up with being treated like shit? My sister is a good example of this; She was married to an asshole from hell for a year, who used her for her money because she worked and he sat at home, he also turned out to be a paedophile and has just recently been jailed. Thank god she got divorced in time! My sister seems to end up with assholes because she is too naieve and she thinks that attention from any man, even if he was a serial killer makes her feel good about herself, i feel like screaming at her sometimes.
I'm 21 and i haven't been able to get a girlfriend yet, but that probably because i have isolated myself so much. What sucks the most is that i have a friend who is average looking at best and yet he gets girls left and right with ease.
_________________ "When it is obvious the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps'" Confucius
I'm 21 and i haven't been able to get a girlfriend yet, but that probably because i have isolated myself so much. What sucks the most is that i have a friend who is average looking at best and yet he gets girls left and right with ease.
Looks matters little to girls. Confidence and social skills is what they like. A male with strong opinions who can stand up for himself. A male who arn't too nice and almost butt kissing. Many women wants a bad ass to tame to be nice to just her but still keep being badass around others. Girls, these strange creatures. No one truly understands them.
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
HI! I'm not really new here but haven't posted for awhile. What got me interested is the fact my girl just dumped me and it hurts like hell. I don't get women often though so that's why it hurts so bad it took me a year at least after the last one just to get her sometimes I get lucky. I'm definately not good looking either.
Anyways, I would say just look around online for dating advice there is alot on the internet don't pay for a service u can get for free they will tell u the same thing u read.
At the same time having a woman is a huge responsibility. A vast majority of them expect so much and from my experiences I just can't understand them at all they are so different. They require a lot of money and time and it's so hard to keep them happy even with that. Sometimes they just flip out for no reason. But of course there are the women who like to be mistreated but you probably wouldn't end up staying with one of those anyways.
It's good to love but it's a hell of a lot worse to lose that love that u had. And it will probably happen if you're like me you get so attached when u break up it's like the end of the world. Heartbreak is much worse than the loving feeling u have. They say u gotta take the good with the bad but the bad is MUCH worse than the good is good imo.
Just keep blowing your money and have fun with friends or by yourself or whatever u do if a girl is going to come along it will happen just take your time. I'm sure other women your age are looking for a mate as well.
I'm 23 btw and have actually had about 4 girlfriends so it makes me feel better that i'm not the only person who hasn't dated much. No offense to any of u because I know the struggle to get a girl and keep her.
screwdriver, i know exactly what you mean. i met a girl that had so much in common with me, and even accepted all my insecurities, and things went well until a little thing set her off and changed things for good...
she was not only my first girlfriend, but one of the best friends that i have ever had. i miss and love her so much, and i wish i could have known what could have been.
but yeah, now i am just dealing with the present and not dwelling on the past (or trying not to at least). i hate the dating scene, and now i need a girlfriend more than ever. i have really no prospects though, and even dating sites aren't working for me i posted my photo on hotornot and have a 8.4 average, and i am a great guy, so i don't know what is wrong with me. i dont want to think that i will never have a girl, but i feel its becoming more and more unlikely every day. it gets me depressed, and i want to just top myself because of it sometimes
Screwy n' slicy, this makes me wonder if it isn't better to not have been in any relationship if you can only have sad ones that break up. No love => no miss for a person.
_________________ Stop making kids.
Compulsory sterilization is good.
More security. Less freedom.
The word "cowardly" is often used as another word for effectivly.
kien, i believe in my heart that love is so important for someone to try and find. i will still search for it despite the pain it may bring. my dream is to one day wake up next to the most amazing girl i have ever met, and smile to myself and think how far i have come...
yes there will be some pain along the way, but this is what i strive for...
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:28 am Post subject:
CPA23 wrote:
shyjames21 wrote:
Same here
I have the same problems I can never approach girls because I know I dont have anything of interest to talk about. Im not very confident with my looks either, even though I've been told im good looking. I just become very uncomfortable when around girls.
For example I was out for a friend's birthday last saturday and there were quite a few of my close friends out. I was introduced to my friends uni flatmate who was absolutely hot! and was told she was single by my other friends. I was getting encouraged by my friends to try and 'pull' her but I couldnt do it. I was scared of what to say and how she would react if I approached her.
I suppose the whole thing jus comes naturally to some people;
(lucky B******s!)
You have described me perfectly. I have been told by plenty of girls/women that I am handsome. Anytime I see a sex young lady I just have no idea what to say! I wish somone could help me, but I need to help myself. I don't want to be single forever!!
If you are handsome, then meeting women should be easy for you (and I don't mean to sound critical or harsh). I base this on social experiences I have had, where the single women would in 99.99% of cases would always gravitate towards the more handsome men.
Anyway, I hope you overcome your fears and meet a decent woman.
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