How do you break the cycle? Approaching girls is impossible.

IcarusUnderWater2 · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 15, 2008 Posts: 199

The problem im having is getting the courage to start the process of change.

It seems that it would snowball if one thing happened and went right... but i am too much of a coward to take the first step because of the fear of humiliation. My confidence is 0.

Everytime i talk to someone and turn around i feel like they are probably mocking me in some way.

I have like 0 real friends that i interact with regularly but i do try and keep my appearance pretty decent.

Anyways... today, i was out with my brother in a shop and a girl was giving me "the eye" and my brother was like "go give her your number, she is clearly interested etcetc"... but i just couldn't. i was petrified and started acting funny... my legs froze up, i started blushing etc etc

I made eye contact with her and that moment was the most exciting thing thats happened to me for a long time... but after i walked away i felt like she must have thought i was a weirdo or loser and that was the only reason she was looking.

How do you take the risk and approach someone? I usually stutter and blush if im nervous and I am fearful of that happening.

I don't know how to read people and i presume the worst.

Missing out on relationships and opportunities to have relationships is the thing that hurts me the most. It also just cements the idea in my head that i am still a boy and not a man and im getting left behind as each minute passes. its so stressful!

I am all thought and no action. It is driving me mad! The feeling of regret i have after these situations is massive... it drains the life out of me. grrrrrrrrr

How do i change?

4seasons · Advanced User Joined: Apr 12, 2007 Posts: 370

Wish I could give you advice, because then I wouldn't need it.......But I am the exact same way. There's this girl at my work and every time I see her I say to myself, if you get the chance talk to her. But if she gets close the same thing happens to me that happens to you. That feeling in the pit of my stomach, its like excitement/complete fear and my heart races. I can't speak when I'm like that.

bleach · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 1:31 am Post subject:

I feel your pain, buddy, believe me..

The worst part is when you actually take that step and initiate contact, and you can read the interest on her face, and THEN the fear and panic takes over as you realize that you have to hold a real conversation with her without awkwardness, and the pressure of that scenario is way more than you can even tolerate to make eye contact. So you stalk off, defeated and shamed. And that's the point when I usually start drinking heavily.

noblame4 · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 3:36 am Post subject:

That used to get me too, but then my therepist taught me this neat little trick, most people dont like to be dazzled with conversation. They like to do all the dazzling. All you have to do is smile and nod and throw in the occasional question to keep them talking, and when they're finally finished, they go away thinking, "My! what a great conversation!" This works pretty well with guys, I imagine it works wonders on women.

Carstuar · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 4:15 am Post subject:

slicenrice · Newbie User Joined: Apr 08, 2008 Posts: 76

slicenrice · Newbie User Joined: Apr 08, 2008 Posts: 76

and to share my single worst experience with this...

over winter break i was crushing hard on this girl at work who was really cute, and looked at me when i walked by her and sometimes tried to talk to me. i finally messaged her at the end of my time, and we got to chatting, and we had like everything in common, and she saw that i was a really awesome guy, despite the insecurities (she was the first person i told about my SA). we went out and spoke everyday for hours, and things went really well. then, before things had a chance to lift off, there was a communication error, and she is not forgiving, and now we don't speak Sad

i love her, and the pain from her is so bad. i hope i get the chance to have a go at it again with an incredible girl like her, but i know girls like that are one in a million Sad

InTheShadows · Newbie User Joined: Dec 14, 2007 Posts: 12

I know exactly what you mean here. Especially about girls. one time I was in town in a computer shop picking up my RAM that i ordered to upgrade my PC . I was served be a guy but there was this girl (about the same age as me) sitting in a chair doing something behind the counter and she was giving me "the eye" and smiling at me (I know she was looking at me because we made direct eye contact a couple of times) that and there was no one else in the very small shop, Laughing

I noticed her giving me it a couple of times when I was talking to the guy who was serving me, but of course I was too chicken to say anything to her. Especially with the other guy there. Crying or Very sad

I don't think it was because I was a customer either because the guy was already serving me (as he was the guy who took my order two days earlier) and she was busy doing other stuff anyway. Smile

The thing that sucks is she was actually pretty cute and SO the sort of girl I'd be interested in. If only I was confident enough to take a chance. Sad

Kien · Posted: Fri May 02, 2008 3:27 pm Post subject:

Well at least save the memory that a girl even looked at you. I feel like girls that catches my attention wish they didn't have to see me.

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