Is there something wrong with me? Please respond.

Aric · Newbie User Joined: May 02, 2008 Posts: 1

I have never really known what OCD was until high school people would ask me if I had it because of weird things I did. And I never noticed them as being weird, I assumed it was normal to be so organized, line up everything around me and on my desk, etc. and then I started thinking more deeply about things that I have done since I could remember. On long car trips I used to tap at every telephone pole and what I guessed was the middle of the last and one the next one, it would get so bad and I couldn't stop but I was too young to think anything of it. I also have had weird problems with food as anyone had connections with OCD and food? Since I was a baby my mom said I wouldn't even eat cherrios, I hate crust and ends bleh, I cut or eat around every edge of any food you could think of and pick off burnt parts of everything. Even when I was younger I used to pick the end off of french fries but I grew out of that, and my parents have never mentioned OCD or about why I would do things like that, but I have never told them about anything. I can't stand working and getting one hand wet I can't help myself to make the other wet. Or touching on arm I have to touch the other, I sit symmetrical, I touch my face on both sides with both hands in the same matter no matter what. My ex g/f noticed that I couldn't go with out doing. Has any one else ever thought things were normal until someone asked 'Whats wrong with you?'. I can't stand the feeling of a bump under my foot unless its done the same way and place on my other foot, I constantly find my self back stepping to accomplish it even though I try so hard not to let it happen. Wow, so what else?Numbers are a huge thing, I can't stand odd numbers for my alarm or volumes and change it no matter what. Everything in my room is lined up perfectly and I thought making my bed and vacuuming all the time was normal, until girls I had over said Wow do you have OCD or something I have never seen a guys room this clean and perfect. Never crossed my mind once that it was something odd, but now I realize everywhere I go i line things up from chairs in the restaurant, cans in the grocery store while waiting for people to shop, or re folding clothes in a store while the girlfriend shops and pushing back all the clothes on racks. I have a slight fear of phobia of germs, but I have taught myself you can't avoid every handle or person around. But I will still always open bathroom doors with the paper towel. I do get a lot of depressing thoughts but thought most of it was normal teenage stuff. But the more I read into other people thoughts I feel like its ideas straight from my head. Wanting to drive over the cliff on the road, just because, just to see who cares, who would be there if i didn't die. Wanting to just be hit walking or driving. I sometimes feel myself wishing something horrible would happen to me and I would just wake up in the hospital and wanted to know who would have been there. And I have never told anyone about thoughts like that, but it seems like a lot of people do think like that. I do think about suicide a lot and think how much easier shit would be But I cancel them out thinking about growing up and having kids and a wife and the ideas go away for a little bit.

Lea · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 08, 2008 Posts: 219

Your post is long, but I still feel you didn´t write enough to be able to judge what´s wrong with you or why you have it. It sounds like OCD, but I don´t like giving labels. I myself sometimes also open doors with a papertowel, wash hands every couple of minutes after I touch something. Sometimes I find even the air dirty and full of bacterias so I have to open the window and people are complaining they are cold.
But the question is not if you are normal, but how much it bothers you. Are you otherwise happy in life? You mentioned death, do you really wish to die and why? Is there any reason for it?

Thatsgranderful · Newbie User Joined: Apr 12, 2008 Posts: 11

well I'm not a doctor or anything (and I dont play one on tv...lol) but it does seem like ocd. Of course the big thing with ocd is the question of does it bother you (like what Lea said)...for instance my ocd/anxiety had gotten bad enough to make me not even be able to last a week of school because I would always get headaches from all my annoying thoughts. So if you feel it bothers you, you should go talk to your doctor or therapist for further info.