My ex boyfriend used to hit me and put me in the hospital once. So I basically don't trust many guys. I'm not too nervous when hanging out with females but when I hang out with males, I get so nervous and defensive.
What a fucking coward. I don't understand how any guy could hit a girl.
I think its just my self confidence and I never really learned as a kid to take a joke or laugh things off and because of that I was picked on by people very close to me. I have always looked down on myself so much and I still do, I feel like I'm not good enough to have friends, everyone is to good for me.
Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 4:35 am Post subject: ...
I been bully when i was little. I have really low self steem and i think that everyone is better than me. I dress really crappy and i see people dressing so glamorous so i get intimidated. I don't have any personality because of the way that i was raised, i was raised basicly to be stuck in the house 24/7 without friends and stuff. THis lead to being anxious and afraid of other humans, i even used to spent weeks without seeing the sunlight....However, deep down.... i don't really know what made me afraid of people...i just don't know...humans just intimidate me.
My SA got a lot worse after I met this guy through a friend of mine. We met at a party, talked and I really got to like him. After that we kept in touch and one night he asked to come over. I let him and we talked and things went great.... or so I thought. Found out later from my friend that he told her and an entire group of her friends how aloof and sarcastic I was and how he just "didn't get me and was so unsure of me" So my SA comes out even in moments when I'm pretty relaxed and at ease?!!!
This is why I 'fear' people.... My lack of self-worth and that other cliched bullshit. Also, I think there is this inherent "bitchy, ice-queen, aloofness" I give off. Its like my defining characteristic and it makes me so exhausted that I don;t even talk anymore in those large group settings... I feel like there is nothing that people can take from other than that introverted, weirdo persona.
Joined: Oct 30, 2007 Posts: 171 Location: United States
Posted: Sat May 03, 2008 2:40 pm Post subject:
I was a happy, care-free child. As I got older, everyone I loved and trusted said and did shitty things to me. By my early 20's, I realized you can't really trust people because they only disappoint and hurt you when they can.
Realistically, I know this isn't true for everyone. But it's hard to change my way of thinking since that's always been my experience.
Fear of rejection and humiliation; fear of other people's behaviour confirming the inner voice that tells me I'm inadequate, awkward, boring and pointless. Fear of exposure to their scrutiny and of being found amusing, pitiable or worst of all, unworthy of their attention.
People are scary
_________________ When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
Fear of rejection and humiliation; fear of other people's behaviour confirming the inner voice that tells me I'm inadequate, awkward, boring and pointless. Fear of exposure to their scrutiny and of being found amusing, pitiable or worst of all, unworthy of their attention.
People are scary
Thanks, i would never find the words to describe it so well.
Particularry, i was ashamed of exteriorising for as long as i can remember, I don't know why, and i belive it's not caused by something, it's a f'cked up gene or something.
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