the cold approach is LAME. i have a boyfriend but let me tell you as a female i get it a lot and the first thing i think when they start doing it is that the guy is a total player (cringe @ that word) and that he does this all the time. i just happen to be the first skirt standing within field of view so he is pulling this stunt on me, not because he has a genuine interest in getting to know me. he obviously just wants to get laid. it is so annoying and slimey.
if you want to meet girls get active in doing things you loves in a group setting. take a class, join some sort of club where you will be around the same set of people involved in something interesting over a set amount of time. then you are forced to become aquaintances and then you have more opportunity to invite people to hang out outside of that setting. that's my suggestion.
and, like i said above, there is nothing more annoying or intrusive to a girl than one of those guys whose sole focus is dating. become happy with yourself, doing things alone, then when and if someone comes along you won't seem so desperate.
_________________ "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieive greatly." -Robert F. Kennedy
Just wondering, do people who are involved in relationships here have moderate social anxiety? I assume this to be the case, since I can't imagine me finding a girlfriend. If you suffer from severe social anxiety finding a partner is out of the question.
Joined: Mar 31, 2008 Posts: 116 Location: New Jersey, USA
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 4:43 pm Post subject:
dottie wrote:
the cold approach is LAME. i have a boyfriend but let me tell you as a female i get it a lot and the first thing i think when they start doing it is that the guy is a total player (cringe @ that word) and that he does this all the time. i just happen to be the first skirt standing within field of view so he is pulling this stunt on me, not because he has a genuine interest in getting to know me. he obviously just wants to get laid. it is so annoying and slimey.
if you want to meet girls get active in doing things you loves in a group setting. take a class, join some sort of club where you will be around the same set of people involved in something interesting over a set amount of time. then you are forced to become aquaintances and then you have more opportunity to invite people to hang out outside of that setting. that's my suggestion.
Well, what is a guy supposed to do when he sees an attractive woman in a social setting? Stalk her for 6 months, chart her likes/dislikes, where she hangs out, etc. and put himself in situations to "accidentally" meet her? If he goes to a different college, should he transfer to be closer to her?
Unfortunately, life doesn't always throw opportunities in one's lap. This is especially true for guys. Even if sometimes people get lucky and fate places our "soulmate" in our path, we can't always count on this.
dottie wrote:
and, like i said above, there is nothing more annoying or intrusive to a girl than one of those guys whose sole focus is dating. become happy with yourself, doing things alone, then when and if someone comes along you won't seem so desperate.
Actually, what you said above is that these guys obviously just want to get laid. Last time I checked (4 days ago) dating and getting laid were different goals. Not every guy with the guts to approach a woman "cold" has only one thing on his mind (although many of them do, of course). What's wrong with a guy who just wants to date - isn't that one of the goals of meeting people of the opposite sex?
the cold approach is LAME. i have a boyfriend but let me tell you as a female i get it a lot and the first thing i think when they start doing it is that the guy is a total player (cringe @ that word) and that he does this all the time. i just happen to be the first skirt standing within field of view so he is pulling this stunt on me, not because he has a genuine interest in getting to know me. he obviously just wants to get laid. it is so annoying and slimey.
if you want to meet girls get active in doing things you loves in a group setting. take a class, join some sort of club where you will be around the same set of people involved in something interesting over a set amount of time. then you are forced to become aquaintances and then you have more opportunity to invite people to hang out outside of that setting. that's my suggestion.
Well, what is a guy supposed to do when he sees an attractive woman in a social setting? Stalk her for 6 months, chart her likes/dislikes, where she hangs out, etc. and put himself in situations to "accidentally" meet her? If he goes to a different college, should he transfer to be closer to her?
Unfortunately, life doesn't always throw opportunities in one's lap. This is especially true for guys. Even if sometimes people get lucky and fate places our "soulmate" in our path, we can't always count on this.
dottie wrote:
and, like i said above, there is nothing more annoying or intrusive to a girl than one of those guys whose sole focus is dating. become happy with yourself, doing things alone, then when and if someone comes along you won't seem so desperate.
Actually, what you said above is that these guys obviously just want to get laid. Last time I checked (4 days ago) dating and getting laid were different goals. Not every guy with the guts to approach a woman "cold" has only one thing on his mind (although many of them do, of course). What's wrong with a guy who just wants to date - isn't that one of the goals of meeting people of the opposite sex?
i never said sex and dating were the same thing. but i am saying as a female when a guy does the cold approach this is how it seems. sorry if that is not the answer you want to hear, but this is how cold approach usually comes across 99.9% of the time- as a female, to ME. and i am talking cold approach- total stranger out in public somewhere. perhaps if you were at a party or a social situation then it might come across as less intrusive depending on your style and class.
_________________ "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieive greatly." -Robert F. Kennedy
And no woman will ever make the first move ie.approach you
That's not necesarily true because I got directly approached 3 maybe 4 times in HS, but i was so ridiculously shy I couldnt do anything.
I dont think women necesarily like loud guys either. Think of it this way.. they're most probably going to be the type that approach them. Shy and quiet guys like us are less likely to approach them unless we know them quite well to begin with.
This is rare guys hardly ever get approached. Maybe ur really great lookin or lucky or sumthing else. But this is not the norm from my experience.
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the cold approach is LAME
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Wow! Strange that seeing as you met many of your friends and probably boyfriends through a cold approach! Unless of course you have been introduced to everyone you have ever met in which case how did you meet the introducer? If you're a social phobic and you're scared shitless of people and you have no friends you're not gonna be good in warm approaches and your not gonna have a social circle to practice on. So, become relaxed with cold approaches and Voila! you will have good warm approaches. Or join a club as suggested by Dottie. But every1 at the club will probably think you're a freak if you're anything like what I was, so in order to practice socialising this way you will probably have to keep changing club. My conclusion: Bars are basically an organised social gathering just like a sports club. But they are better because the people keep changing so it's ok to keep making a dick of yourself which believe me, YOU WILL ( don't avoid it embrace it, its unavoidable). Girls will give you loads of bad advice if you listen to them and it will screw you over. Ignore them and cold approach. I know its just your honest opinion Dottie and I respect that its just not gonna help guys. You can go out to a bar and get approached every 5 minutes. Its not just you but most women don't have a clue about what it's like to be a guy (or at least I should hope not lol). Your also totally clueless about what makes a guy attractive! Again big generalisation but girls always tell us 'be sweet' 'buy her a drink'. We do this and the next thing we know the girl is making out with some agressive bastard who just slapped her in the face and threw his beer over her lol.
for us love shy guys approaching a woman cold, is like jumping in the ocean with a hungry Great White Shark. Where I come from, ie, Sydney, Australia, the women here are so rude,stuck up and unapproachable
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I'm again about to be provocative as usual but both girls and guys from Sydney are total pricks. However you have to adapt. And I don't care where you are approaching for us shy guys is absolute hell and I would literally have rather stabbed my forearm with a knife than approach a girl (REALLY I WOULD HAVE). But its actually not bad if you do it in stages. Think about this:
Forget for 1 minute about having girls as girlfriends and focus on the idea of systematic desensitisation (credit cbt).
1) Ask 20 girls in succession which way to a shop
2) Ask 20 girls in succession which way to a shop followed by 'by the way are you a student?' If the answer is no say 'Oh you look like a medicine/ business/art student' if the answer is yes ' OK I bet you study blah blah blah'
Do it 3 times a week and VOILA! After 2-6 months you will find that you're getting into longer conversations and God Forbid you may get a number or two! But of course starting conversations like this is waaay 2 risky and scary, right? Actually RIGHT lol but you will get over it.
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If you're a social phobic and you're scared shitless of people and you have no friends you're not gonna be good in warm approaches and your not gonna have a social circle to practice on. So, become relaxed with cold approaches and Voila! you will have good warm approaches. Or join a club as suggested by Dottie. But every1 at the club will probably think you're a freak if you're anything like what I was, so in order to practice socialising this way you will probably have to keep changing club. My conclusion: Bars are basically an organised social gathering just like a sports club. But they are better because the people keep changing so it's ok to keep making a dick of yourself which believe me, YOU WILL ( don't avoid it embrace it, its unavoidable). Girls will give you loads of bad advice if you listen to them and it will screw you over. Ignore them and cold approach. I know its just your honest opinion Dottie and I respect that its just not gonna help guys. You can go out to a bar and get approached every 5 minutes. Its not just you but most women don't have a clue about what it's like to be a guy (or at least I should hope not lol). Your also totally clueless about what makes a guy attractive! Again big generalisation but girls always tell us 'be sweet' 'buy her a drink'. We do this and the next thing we know the girl is making out with some agressive bastard who just slapped her in the face and threw his beer over her lol.