Who says you have to be confident? Just try to be yourself, that´s the best thing you can do. I am not confident either and I know I will hardly change it,because it´s connected to the way I was raised etc., so I´m not trying to.
If I should go on comparing myself to others, I might well shoot myself on the spot.
Lea, if you are happy being yourself then you are confident!!
Lack of confidence isn't a personality trait, it's something that prevents you expressing your personality. So it's a negative thing for everyone really. It's just that society expects men to be confident and powerful, although much less so than in the past
You don't always have to be confident. But listen! If your not confident the majority of the time what is it saying about you? You havn't invested in yourself. You havn't taken the time to build confidence. You havn't worked on helping yourself. You havn't earned the right to get women's affections. Most likely you have sat at home feeling sorry for yourself and that's unattractive. No one's asking you to be somthing you can't be! Confidence is attainable and not taking the time to build it is apathetic. Women aren't going to flock to you for no reason. Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those. Tough luv bro! but good luck
In some ways it's deemed as weird for girls to be shy or quiet too as most people expect us to be really chatty and friendly, y'know constantly on the phone giggling and gossiping. That's what makes me stick out like a sore thumb :/ yeah, there are certain stigmas attached to male and female shyness full-stop but that does IN NO WAY make you a lesser or less attractive person at all. In fact, most people would regard shyness as a positve trait, it's better than being an arrogant arsehole!
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:23 am Post subject:
Lawliet wrote:
Its just part of the evolutionary process,they select the "best" to "mate" with,though there are exceptions .......
They select the "best" to "mate" with?????
Are you having a lend of us???
Sorry for sounding harsh here but many women make awful relationship choices when it comes to either relationships/or having children. I have lost count of the true stories I have been told about women who have children with the most violent,hopelessly dysfunctional men out there. In many cases you get single mother who have multiple babies to multiple "bad boys" and 'thugs" just so that they can claim the welfare benefits that single mums get.
Also 70% of prisoners in Australian jails (and I imagine,it's the same in most countries), come from dysfunctional family backgrounds where was no father, or a positive father role model in their lives.
Any fool can stick his "you know what" in a woman, but it takes a real and decent man to be a good father.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 5:44 am Post subject:
shield wrote:
You don't always have to be confident. But listen! If your not confident the majority of the time what is it saying about you? You havn't invested in yourself. You havn't taken the time to build confidence. You havn't worked on helping yourself. You havn't earned the right to get women's affections. Most likely you have sat at home feeling sorry for yourself and that's unattractive. No one's asking you to be somthing you can't be! Confidence is attainable and not taking the time to build it is apathetic. Women aren't going to flock to you for no reason. Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those. Tough luv bro! but good luck
Whilst I agree with the general gist of what you say, I must respectfully disagree about your comment "you haven't earned the right to woman's affections". And do the"thugs" and "bad boys", that seem to get an endless supply of female affection/attention, are they more deserving of female affection than us unfortunate nice guys who get habitually ignored???? Who decides whether some guys deserve female affection, and who misses out??
Also, I disagree with your comment "Guys who work hard to become successful in a chosen area get a payoff in confidence. You can be one of those" Whilst, this comment is generally true, ie. you get out of life what you put into it, and that true confidence comes from PREVIOUS PERFORMANCE ACCOMPLISHMENT sadly it does not apply to establishing relationships with women. Yes, in any other aspect of your life, if you give 100% you will see success eg. your career,business your health etc, but with women, you can try your guts out (like I have), and still end up empty handed.
So whilst I agree that success in life depends on what you put into it, the same theory DOES NOT APPLY to establishing relationships with women. I am sorry but that's reality.
Joined: Apr 28, 2008 Posts: 41 Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 6:07 am Post subject:
Here we go again, about that rather overused word "confidence', and in the context of establishing relationships.
When I debate with people about the true source of self confidence, I get comments like "self confidence comes from within" etc,etc.
Well, I couldn't give a rats arse what anybody else saids, true self confidence comes from three words, they are:
PREVIOUS,PERFORMANCE, ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Which in simple terms means, that if you have know that if you have done it before successfully, then you know you can do it again. Look at this way, as you go throughout your life, certain barriers or roadblocks are placed before you,ie. some of them are placed by society, and some of them from yourself ie. your own self doubts. However, as you overcome these obstacles (either real or imagined), your confidence grows, because you have done it before successfully. With my case and other love shy men, as we have never ever enjoyed any success at establishing relationships with women (even though I have tried hundreds of times), your confidence effectively gets destroyed, due the constant stream of rejections.
It's a pretty simple concept to understand, it's not rocket science.
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