an insomniacs thoughts

de · Posted: Mon May 05, 2008 2:09 pm Post subject: an insomniacs thoughts

yeah this isnt really poetry or anything just a collection of thoughts on a friday night actually when i started to writte this i hadnt slept for 3 days my mind was going a mile a minute and i thought i was going insane

record your thought s that’s a good idea!!!So everyone can see your crazy thoughts on paper. Isolation is it really good for me ,possibly ,some of my best work is done in isolation, 1 minute I’m good next minute I couldn’t even ask for lottery in the shop ;to much nerves everything is so hectic and loud, why so loud and painful, to much pain got to be alone or with one person, someone, anyone just to listen and focus on something other than the loudness, distraction that can be good anything to occupy my thoughts why does everyone whisper, and wait to whisper, so I can hear why don’t you just tell me the whispers ;let me in please. Alone I’m sitting looking for help, do I need help well mate your alone do you have a choice, to many choices wrong choices smallest thing s are too loud, tomorrow ill be someone different. Everything is easy when I plan but nothing ever follows my plan, it was going to be so easy look at you now, it’s just 1 big mess sitting in my room full of my artificial lightness? huh? Tears of pain of regret of bad choices ,not bad choices just choices, there is only one choice the one made. maybe there is another me who made the other choices and is sitting in artificial darkness ,shut up, that doesn’t make any sense! what’s sense ,you don’t have any sense ,if you did, would you be alone on social ,make slave days worth it night?.im always alone, in isolation serving penance for choices made, waiting for the inevitable, freedom, hopefully ill be good and be allowed to rest easy in peace or bliss or quietness either is good why is the world so empty we share the same roof but doesn’t everyone care about us .differences, they are good ,they make life worth living, as i used to say in a different time. Time ahh but time dosint exist, only motion can you reverse motion, i can, and have but always end up making the same motions ha ,always the sane choices, right? no ?yes? possibly im tired now i have to be up early to be a different person hopefully ill wake up and be a different person one with an easy mind that can relax and rest and enjoy life because isn’t that what we are here for ,then why are there so may rules, rules are good they give life structure so who is to decide what governs my life’s structure ,who did i ,did i ,think i had to ,why would there be an ultimate and constant destiny such foolishness wont be accepted by yourself tomorrow, but i hope im not alone sure you have got a family, but im getting old been through the motions ,haha, same motions over and over make you old ,not by living fast and loud, maybe thats why i don’t like the loudness been through to much motion without making loudness, i used to make loudness it was normal then, i wasn’t alone but was always isolated ,thats worse being not alone and still being isolated better to be left alone for isolations sake, I’ve always wanted to be idolised ,but always end up being isolated ,no matter what choices i make,. this has been good, get some of the crazy out in the open ,maybe i can make good choices from now on, hopefully my faith will be judged as being strong, when the inevitable becomes able.

MotherWolff · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 2:35 pm Post subject:

Hm. This looks like some form of free writing. Maybe doing free writing myself could help me with my self-imposed problems. Perhaps I should ask my therapist whether I should do this or not. I think it would be a good idea; I'm overflowing with all sorts of random thoughts and seeing my thoughts on paper sounds like a helpful experience.

Is this the first time you've been doing this sort of free writing and if not, how long have you been doing this? I find that some of my thoughts are quite similar to the ones you typed. Especially the part about your best work being done in isolation. I think it is because of my self-isolation that I can stay out of a hell lot of trouble.

I hope you get over that insomnia somehow, it sounds pretty serious.

_________________
The Lone Wolf's Cry

Lonely now, as I always was, I cry the lonely cry of a wolf. -By Nadine Mondrae,age 13

de · Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 3:42 pm Post subject:

yeah that was the first time i wasnt planned or anything i was just on my laptop opened up word and just wrote whatever came into my head
i was going through a rough patch but ive pretty much got the insomnia under control im on a pill thats supposed to help my mind relax so i can sleep lol
it actually felt pretty good writing itrather then trying to stop what your thinking just kind of let it out and its fukn gas reading back over it when you are in a better state of mind