it's really embarrassing. i feel like literally i physically cannot exude maturity through body language. my body language is awkward in the positions i feel comfortable sitting or standing in, plus i get cold easy so when i'm cold i tense up. even when i am relaxed (the most relaxed i can be anyways, alone in my bedroom) i still sit in awkward positions. my uncontrollable nervousness is obvious with my constant fidgeting, avoiding eye contact like it's the plague, and scrunching up my shoulders because i'm afraid of being attacked. my body language and the way i present myself comes across extremely juvenile, immature.
bottom line: i am 28 but still come across as ineffectively as an extremely insecure 8 year old girl.
_________________ “Patterning your life around other’s opinions is nothing more than slavery.” Lawana Blackwell
Joined: Apr 07, 2008 Posts: 56 Location: 19/m/North Shore, MA
Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:53 am Post subject:
I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.
_________________ Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
my uncontrollable nervousness is obvious with my constant fidgeting, avoiding eye contact like it's the plague, and scrunching up my shoulders because i'm afraid of being attacked. my body language and the way i present myself comes across extremely juvenile, immature.
[b]
Thats exactly it. I feel like whenever I talk to people, I scrunch myself up. And when i laugh sounds like i'm not even sure i should be laughing. I had dinner the other day with two guys in their 40s. One was like me, one was like... well what I wish i was. And i couldn't help but think the guy like me sure acted strange for a person his age.
As you can see, it's a common perception for social phobics.
I know from my own perspective that nothing hurts worse than seeing some high school kid with his life in better shape than mine. And realizing that he's the normal one. Whereas I'm not only behind most people my own age, I'm behind most people his age too.
I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.
Good point.
Of course, we should know better. That the people that are well-adjusted and comfortable in their own skin are a hell of a lot mature than people who let their emotions rule them.
Of course, we should know better. That the people that are well-adjusted and comfortable in their own skin are a hell of a lot mature than people who let their emotions rule them.[/quote]
I've been thinking maybe there are tons of people that are not well adjusted, but just don't care. In a lot of past social situations I've sat there thinking "haha that guy is so dumb, i wouldn't be caught dead doing what he's doing". Well "that guy" was dumb, but he sure has a lot more friends than I do. Which means one of two things: 1. i don't know what dumb is. 2. people aren't as judgemental as I am.
maybe being more mature is less about knowing what the right and wrong way to act is, and more about not really giving a damn.
Joined: Feb 27, 2008 Posts: 260 Location: Western Australia
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 3:18 pm Post subject:
In my home, Im some kind of eccentric kid still. Out in public, I try and make a good image, so I am very quiet and mature (and nervous at times). Sometimes I think im a mild scitzo.
_________________ Fear is only your best friend and your worst enemy
Confidence is the nasty beast beneath that drags every other aspect to its level
Joined: Aug 17, 2007 Posts: 1213 Location: Wales, UK
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 7:05 pm Post subject:
Strong_Silent_One wrote:
Thats one of the problems I have right now. I'm 37 and theres' this guy at my job -hi's just 22- and he laughs at me cause i don't even have a girlfriend, while he has a model as a girlfriend. (though i think this guy is a superficial and we can't compare).
I don't know.... i've been so bad and depressed since i'm in this job cause everyone laughs at me for being so shy and because i never have one single f*** date with a girl. Actually not that i do too much to get a date.... i can't believe any girl could ever be interested in me... so why should i try? Every time i do, the only thing i get is a smile and a gentle "sorry, but..."
I'm already tired of life.
Reminds of a guy in my workplace. He is 2 years younger than me and i am 27. He asked me if i ever go out to bars and clubs, and i said that i don't, then the asshole went on to say how i am supposed to meet girls if i don't go out, and he said to me ''Look at my life compared to yours! I have a beautiful girlfriend, my own place, and i'm two years younger than you!''.........I was so hurt i couldn't speak, and i was shocked at how arrogant some people can be, i mean was he saying this in spite, to make me jealous o'r did he mean well in a strange way?!
And i wonder why social anxiety exists...People like this certainly don't help! Whenether this guy is in my viccinity at work i can honestly say that i can feel myself shrinking into nothing.
Joined: Aug 17, 2007 Posts: 1213 Location: Wales, UK
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 7:10 pm Post subject:
Quetzalcoatl wrote:
I am 19. People often think I am much older because I am always so "grave", "somber", "serious", "distant", "concerned" etc. I don't know by what criterion people judge age, but I think that in some ways, people think of maturity of being sad, unhappy, serious because of the general discontent with aging. You know, the problems, responsibilities, the monotony. As if somberty was the appropriate emotional garb for maturity, and to laugh and be happy is to shed that particular vestment.
You are only 19! I honestly thought you were in your twenties and that's not a bad thing. Well the personality traits you mentioned can actually be a good thing, for example you would be the type of guy who would listen if someone had a problem o'r whatever.
Thats one of the problems I have right now. I'm 37 and theres' this guy at my job -hi's just 22- and he laughs at me cause i don't even have a girlfriend, while he has a model as a girlfriend. (though i think this guy is a superficial and we can't compare).
I don't know.... i've been so bad and depressed since i'm in this job cause everyone laughs at me for being so shy and because i never have one single f*** date with a girl. Actually not that i do too much to get a date.... i can't believe any girl could ever be interested in me... so why should i try? Every time i do, the only thing i get is a smile and a gentle "sorry, but..."
I'm already tired of life.
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