Fuming with Envy!!!

IcarusUnderWater2 · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 15, 2008 Posts: 198

I drove through my city tonight... it's like the first student night of the summer... and the town centre was buzzing.

Everyone was having so much fun and enjoying themselves.

For a split second i imagined that i could join them... but no...

... I was stuck in my car... without any friends to invite me out... without the courage to face my fears and walk amongst other human beings on my own.

Overwhelming gut feelings that i am just not capable or good enough overwhelmed me.

Not just in the 'physical appearance' sense but in the 'fun vibe' sense too. I am socially retarded. I look for a definition of what it means to be fun which goes against what fun is meant to be - in the moment, spontaneous etc.

For 3 years i have been telling myself, "oh, ill do it next week". 7 days pass and i am still the coward i was the week before. I never change. Im so angry at myself. The anger is justified too.

Everytime i step outside it is like i feel a million pairs of eyes burning on my back judging and ridiculing me.

Time is ticking. I can accept missing out on some things but right now i am missing out on everything. Sad

krs2snow · Intermediate User Joined: Jan 25, 2008 Posts: 210

Yeah, I have a nice little residence in Looserville. Maybe we're neighbors?

IcarusUnderWater2 · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 15, 2008 Posts: 198

Edith · Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 1:11 am Post subject:

When I was in University it was SOO hard... there were parties all the time on my floor in res and I would think, "That sounds like fun... maybe I could do that too" and sometimes I would even have the balls to leave my room and walk near the party hoping to be called in. And whenever I WAS called over with, "Hey!! Girl we never see!! Come in and have a drink with us!!" I would smile awkawrdly, mumble something incoherant and walk away. Till eventually I stopped trying and they stopped calling me over.

I've been there. I still have trouble doing things on my own sometimes. But instead of thinking about it I just do it... and I find that if you walk into a bar and there are people partying and having a great time, just grab a beer and join them. They will never say fuck off. I DARE you to try it and I bet they will not tell you to get lost. It's weird actually... I almost dare you to TRY and get them to tell you to fuck off! Wink

Seriously, I know it's hard and I don't normally have the balls to do it, but sometimes we all have those bursts of confidence and those "great days" so next time you have one of those just go for it.

You are WAY MORE fun than you give yourself credit for. You could let yourself have loads and loads of fun Wink

_________________
"There is a girl in New York City who calls herself the human trampoline, and sometimes when I'm falling, flying or tumbling in turmoil I say, 'Whoa, so this is what she means.'"
- Paul Simon

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 119

I quit university because I felt like u. I felt so left out and inferior. U are really lucky that u are so young and u can surely overcome this problem. And when u do u will still have ur whole life ahead of you but u will be a much more rounded and multi-dimensional peron than the boring 2-d person that has been popular all their life Wink

IcarusUnderWater2 · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 15, 2008 Posts: 198

Shield, Edith thankyou for your replies. I can relate so much to both of you. I dropped out of uni in my first year. I forced myself to return the next year... but I haven't been to one party or socialised at all in over one year.

I have spent my uni life not talking and basically avoiding people. I know i could connect to people if the conditions are right. Those 'perfect' conditions are just never forced on me anymore like they were at school... and my lack of experience in all areas of life are emphasised now that everyone my age is an "adult".

Im getting so angry with it though that i hope i can direct the anger in to breaking out of my shell. Thank god for people as understanding as you!

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 119

OK well I wud not worry at all sp only takes 6 months to 2 years to recover from. U can quickly gain all the experience u need and live the life u want with some consistent application, and like I said u will still be super young. And don't feel ur missing out on Uni life u can have loads of fun while ur working and u can date students when ur older I know I sure do lol

TAMPA-BAY · Posted: Fri May 09, 2008 3:36 am Post subject: party

I agree with shield and the rest. We all act like our life is already over. Wasteing our time looking at our past.

My favorite saying is "its not how we start but how we finish"... Ok life is not the way we want it so far but no condition is permenent. All of those people you/we see haveing fun half are pretending; the other half will not be having fun in the future whiles you are the life of the party.

Listen to me. Your time will come. You/we need to foucs on dealing with this anxiety crap now and every thing will fall into place later.

recluse · Posted: Sat May 10, 2008 10:00 am Post subject:

I remember doing exactly the same. I was driving past and i saw all these young people my age dressed up and i felt such a loser becasue here i was driving past them all alone, with no friends to do ''normal'' stuff with. I felt like they were all looking at me and laughing at me becasue i am a loser.

rado31 · Expert User Joined: Sep 15, 2006 Posts: 654