Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 8:45 pm Post subject: Boyfriend with social phobia
Hello All,
I'm new here and I was hoping I could get some advice.
My boyfriend, or rather ex now, has social phobia and I have trouble handling it at times because I suffer from depression.
Tonight we agreed to end the relationship because of his problems. We've been together 6 years and hes currently going through CBT. He was changing dramatically, but now I feel that theres no progress, and in some areas things are going back to how they were.
I work a full time job, and he doesnt work, so by the end of my day i'm knackered, im also having a really bad spout of depression which is leaving me lifeless, to then try and make happy whilst hes being awkward and stroppy from the fight the previous night is ludicrously stressful and I just can't deal with it at the moment.
It sounds sick, but I can't sit around and listen to him go on and on and on about how shit he is. I know why he does it but at the end of the day, I love him and know none of its true, but I try comforting him - get nothing, I try telling him otherwise and I get shouted at.
I dont want to wave goodbye to six years, so I'm desperately pleading with someone to tell me how to communicate in a gentle way to him. What is the safest way to communicate, cos i honestly don't know what to do. I basically need to learn how to deal with someone who has social phobia as with my depression at its worst, I cant cope with the same fights, day in, day out.
Suffering from Social Phobia or Social Anxiety is very delicate. He can't expect you to do everything for him. Why EXACTLY does he fear social situations? What is he most afraid of? You need to give us a few more details so we can try and help you out by mentioning things that helped us.
_________________ Alas! Our dried voices, when we whisper together, are quiet and meaningless as wind in dry grass or rats' feet over broken glass in our dry cellar.
I think there's little more you can do. Just a professional and his will can do something for him. Perhaps now it's time you think of yourself and you depression. I'm not telling you that you must end the relaitonship, but if you did so, don't think that you would have wasted six years. I'm sure these six years and all good moments in them would have paid.
Sacrament - He feels hes boring and not interesting so he thinks no one wants to listen to what he has to say, hes afraid of getting beaten up, he feels everyones looking at him whenever we're out and he hates the idea that people can hear what we're saying.
osse - I have been putting myself first for a while now, but at the same time he needs to put himself first, and hes not feeling loved, he feels like I don't care, which is what the arguments are about. We have have some amazing memories, but I don't want to stop making memories with him yet.
Next time you're in public, tell him to try and act like a social phobic. That somehow makes the symptoms less severe if he tries to emulate them.
When he starts thinking people are looking at him, tell him to look around at everybody else and see how many are actually looking at him. Unless he's fixing to deliver a speech, there shouldn't be many.
If getting beaten up is a big fear of his... I don't know about him, but watching Friday Night Smackdown every week seems to do the trick for me.
Hope at least some of that helps.
_________________ I did not call myself Pyrophosphate because of the importance of whatever biological process it is a part of.
I called myself Pyrophosphate because of the importance of the bag of marshmallows from which I read it.
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