Posted: Sun May 11, 2008 9:38 pm Post subject: Re: Why should men always be confident?
Argamemnon wrote:
I don't understand: why should men always be "confident"or strong in order to be considered attractive. Is it ok for girls not to be confident? Why this sexism???
Personally, I'm not interested in girls who expect me to always be confident, strong, outgoing etc.. or unpredictable, exciting, funny, or to always take the lead in the relationship.
Confidence is attractive in both sexes and does not correlate with being outgoing or exciting or arrogant, etc. It's knowing who you are (as much as this is possible), being able to stand up for your opinions, and not overly pitying yourself. Some of the most confident people I know also have social anxiety, are truly nice and even sometimes boring. But they don't make a habit of apologizing or feeling sorry for themselves for it.
Sebr3 wrote:
Generous welfare benefits provided by the government. Here in Australia, a woman can have children to multiple "bad boy/thug" fathers, and collect very generous welfare benefits.
I live in the US, but the argument is made here too, and it really baffles me. Surely a woman would be better off financially not having any children and being able to keep all her income to herself... not have to buy, you know, all those things that kinds need? Like food and clothes, toys, a large enough place to live in, school costs etc. I won't argue that there are women that have children with multiple men (duh), but that's probably more to the fact that they were in a relationship for whatever reason and you know pregnancy happens, than that they decided one day it would be a great money-making scheme. (Fun anecdote: my aunt had five children by two different fathers, she worked hard at an oil refinery for minimum wage, received welfare, and still lived below the poverty line. But maybe it's just that much better in Australia, who knows.)
Sebr3, you really do seem to be the classic "nice guy," but there's a huge difference between nice guys and "nice guys." Having anxiety/problems socializing is one thing, clinging to conspiracy theories about it is another.
jamez wrote:
I'll keep it simple, a man should have confidence because he's a MAN.
On the flipside, this is the kind of statement that does absolutely nothing for men but to make them feel inadequate. How is a MAN different from a man? If we're going to start with the "should"s, I'll be gender neutral and say that we should try to move away from blindly enforcing stereotypes that help no-one.
I've never been in a relationship so I don't have a personal account of how gender dynamics play out. I imagine it would be different for every couple. I've never been on a date nor been asked on a date (Maybe I just wasn't "average or moderately attractive" enough? My own theory is that I just don't appear confident enough), and don't even want to date, therefore I'm not asking anyone either. If I were to date I'd insist on each paying their own way. Arrogant assholes don't turn me on. So add another woman to the pile of your total anomalies.
Joined: Jun 15, 2005 Posts: 153 Location: New Zealand
Posted: Fri May 16, 2008 10:53 am Post subject: battle of the sexes
My five cents:
I reckon its easier for women that men, at least intialising things is. Though times have changed, I think that overall mostly the emphasis is on men approaching women. Certainly less so these days than in the past, but still, its the norm.
I think this poses real problems for us socially phobic males. I think that while looks are a telling factor for women, its confidence with men. You can do alot for your looks despite your SP, but with confidence, thats not true.
I do think being a woman and lacking confidence and or having social phobia works to your detriment, just as being an unattractive male. But I stress, that these are not the primary draw cards for each respectively.
Disclaimer: Im male. I've had girlfriends before, but I've never been approached by women directly, perhaps subtly in some way that I didn't detect, but it was always me doing the courting and asking.
I can fake confidence, and girls tend to like me more when I think of them as *bitches* or "pieces of shit". Is just experiments I do, and I actually get a more positive vibe when I think that way believe it or not but IT'S NOT FUCKING ME!
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