Pretty much what others have already said. I don't want to bring a kid into this world, and then that kid ends up taking after my problems. On the other hand, having a child can be the best part of a person's life. Regardless, I won't have to worry about it for a while really.
Joined: Aug 30, 2007 Posts: 342 Location: south park, colorado
Posted: Tue Jun 17, 2008 12:03 am Post subject:
yes of course I want children.
I have a 5 year old girl right now, but I want a boy. I think if had another child, he would become a professional athlete. My family is very athletic, and good at sports. However, we are due for another star athlete in the family.
Well, I guess having kids sounds nice. Bringing a new life into the world, representing the commitment and love shared between me and special woman. Until the first day the kid comes home crying from school because he or she was beat up or pushed around by bullies. And I'll either have nothing to say to the kid, or I'll have to give them the same b.s. advice I got when it happened to me. And then I'll know the cycle is starting all over again. Also, I can't imagine attempting to teach someone how to throw a baseball or catch a football or something else athletic. I dread the day he comes from school saying "Daddy, show me how to hit a baseball, all the other kids can do it except me" and then I have those young, trusting, innocent brown eyes expecting me to make everything all right. At some point he's going to realize that I don't know what the heck I'm doing with a bat and ball either, or any other piece of sporting equipment, although he's not old enough to know what he's realizing. And then he or she avoids competitive sports, or any other competitive activity, like the plague. And discovers that avoiding things is an effective way to avoid being hurt by them. Or, it turns out that the kid has hay fever, and can't be outside between February and October without 6 pounds of snot hanging out of his nose. As you can imagine, that'll go over real well at the prom. And again, I'll have absolutely no good advice to give to the kid.
So yeah, having a kid is a nice idea in theory, but I can't imagine myself being any kind of competent father.
Donīt worry, you would be a good father. It is a shame that SA people donīt have children due to fear to bring bad genes to them, so in the end only the cheeky confident bullies who donīt have any doubt have children. Then the children are of "good genes", but get abused and thats better?
Edit: just wanted to edit this a bit because I realize I often seem to be simplyfying or stereotyping things, of course there are plenty of confident people who are not mean or abusive. OTOH, there might be mean people with SA but I think they are less likely to be so because they are more thoughtful. I myself donīt think I am biologically perfect or of "good genes", but wouldnīt refuse having children because of it. Anyway I donīt think Iīll ever have any and am not missing it very much, but if I should I would make the effort to be a really good mum and give them the best. Leave the other doubts aside and see what the outcome is..
Last edited by Lea on Wed Jun 18, 2008 8:04 am; edited 1 time in total
So on this issue... This is a vent... Today my supervisor, who is also a teacher in a different class, was talking about an outing that she did with one of her kids. Apparently the child had said to her, "I wish you were my mom." I told her that yes, I had a child say that to me once last year and it often doesn't feel good. Sometimes kids just say things because they're having so much fun and they don't really understand the true meaning of what they're saying, but sometimes you know it's because you're sending them back to a situation that's not good. So then she replied by saying, "Well, you know, his mom has a lot of issues with depression and anxiety..."
I feel like I was just stuck in the "bad mom" category. I also feel like if "these people" knew my issues they would never think that I deserve to be a teacher. But I have done nothing to harm those children or my own. I KNOW that those things are hardships when it comes to parenting but they don't automatically make someone a bad parent... They just mean that we have to make a much bigger effort, and just like any "good parent" we need to put our children's needs above our own. I'm sure I'm taking a simple statement and over reacting, but it makes me feel like shit... And it makes me feel like I need to hide my inner self even more...
I guess I'd like to have children. I think I'd make an ...interesting mother, and would produce...interesting children.
I think having a shut-in for a parent doesnt have as much to do with contributing to SAD as a parent who instills fear and self loathing in their children. (Though, it seems there is a line of shut-ins running in my family, there's one in every generation. I hope it's not a gene my children can catch. ;_
However, I refuse to raise a child alone, and since the prospect of me finding a man stupid and crazy enouph to marry me is currently remote, motherhood is looking hazy.
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