Making friends but not feeling a "connection"

cadaver_ · Newbie User Joined: Aug 05, 2007 Posts: 46

I've been making a few friends recently but feel I don't have enough in common with them to make it last. We just go to a movie, maybe eat out and that's about it. There's no "magic" or anything; no deep
conversations. I feel kind of lack-luster when I'm with them even though it beats the old days of sitting in my apartment wishing I had friends. I didn't know it would feel like this. Don't really feel that alive when I'm with them - same feeling I'd get when I was alone. This is a real paradox. Don't know what to do because not being with people makes me depressed and now being with people doesn't make me feel much better. Anyone else relate?

autumn_82 · Posted: Thu Jun 26, 2008 12:46 am Post subject:

I know what you mean. I feel the same way most of the time. I have a few friends, yet I always feel uncomfortable at some level when I'm with them because I feel like I can't really reveal myself for fear of being rejected for being "different" or strange.
Part of that stems from being raised in a family that's not mainstream, and furthermore, having SA which has made my life abnormal in so many ways. Just in general being "off-beat" makes me wary of opening up to anyone. I feel like I have to keep the real me hidden or I'll be rejected.
And I mean, hanging out with these people sure does beat being alone all the time. It eases my feelings of being a loser, but I still feel no deep connection.
But I guess my fears of being rejected for being odd aren't completely accurate, because I had a roommate who her very normal friends described as "out there," yet they liked her anyway. I guess it's just harder for some of us to make connections, for whatever reasons.

oolceeoo · Newbie User Joined: Aug 24, 2007 Posts: 42

Don't hide who you are. If you are different, this makes life interesting. If they don't like who you are, then they aren't really friends anyway. I love being different, I embrace seeing and thinking differently than others. If you have deep conversations with people, you start to see that deep down you aren't really any different than they are, just on the surface it seems that way.

I'm still a work in progress, but I have to keep telling myself a quote from Dr. Seuss I think: "The people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind."

toothpastekisses · Posted: Mon Jun 30, 2008 5:35 pm Post subject:

I know that feeling, it's horrible. I went out with my half brother and his friend yesterday. I've only met him a few times and he's in his twenties but has always been really friendly despite the obvious awkwardness. Anyway, they were trying to get to know me and get me to tell them about myself and stuff, but I couldn't open up and be myself. It seemed like I was being SO rude as he'd treated me to a lovely day out and yet I just acted like an uninterested, boring lemon. To make matters worse, the only other times I'd seen him was at family gatherings and parties where I'd had something to drink and was much more chatty and relaxed, so he probably thought that this was the real me at first Rolling Eyes

the only people who really know the real me are my immediate family and one close friend, but that's pretty much it

Marie_knowsbestt · Newbie User Joined: Jun 27, 2008 Posts: 63

simple answer. ur expecting to much, out of everyone in life, ull probs have real connections with a hand full of them. remember this.

lunarskye · Newbie User Joined: Jun 28, 2008 Posts: 35

Len · Intermediate User Joined: Jun 06, 2008 Posts: 102

Perhaps you had misconstrued preconceptions of friendships before you met your new friends. You were obviously expecting some kind of spark or magic which is something, I think, stems from movies and programs such as Sex and the City or Dawson's Creek.

Well, unfortunately, this is the real world and you have probably realised that all the people in this world are just as boring as we are.

Perhaps you need to reevaluate what you want from a friendship. Such as loyalty, companionship, humour, mutual interests. Score off the word magic and replace it with real.

wooaah · Intermediate User Joined: Apr 24, 2008 Posts: 110

bleach · Posted: Thu Jul 03, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject:

cobalt_bluester · Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 7:00 pm Post subject:

I seemed to have reached a point where making new friends is virtually impossible.