Animosity

TheShadow · Newbie User Joined: Jul 10, 2008 Posts: 1

I always feel alone even when I am surrounded by people at work, etc…
It seems like the entire world is against me and is constantly plotting my demise (I know this is crazy). I can't help but feel angry at the world and depressed and that no one understands me. I have been to therapists in the past been on medication but nothing seems to help at all.

I have a hard time meeting new people. I feel no connection to anything or anyone and have become an introvert despite the fact I have 2 jobs in customer service (ironic I know). I hide my anxiety, but I really have an upset stomach and feeling unless I am alone. I am depressed all the time and anxious about meeting new people and the future.
I do not want to go out and do anything anymore. I never meet anyone interesting anyways.

People show interest in me but I never know what to say or do. The people that I end up saying something to usually end up being jerks which reinforces my anger towards mankind. People always tell me to volunteer and go to church to meet people but I find these situations awkward and do not see myself doing them.

I feel like a shadow, a loner, and outcast…

I am not sure what to do…

Sufferwell · Newbie User Joined: Jul 10, 2008 Posts: 12

You are not alone.I feel this way too a lot of the time.

At work I feel like I'm invisible sometimes and it doesn't help when people noticeable overlook or forget about me. It makes me feel like crap. My interactions with others are very superficial because I just don't know what else to say or how to get to know them better, or be more open.

Edited to fix spelling error.

Godiva · Newbie User Joined: Aug 11, 2008 Posts: 7

With SP we feel isolated and angry. People have no empathy or understanding of what it is that we go through because I realized on one really knows what its like unless that have experienced this irrational fear. I have started to change my perception on life. I am off meds and thinking more positively. At work I gear towards people I trust and get along with and am not afraid to voice my opinions because I know my rights and my limits. I was always preoccupied with whether someone will like or dislike me.. now realizing that some people are going to dislike me no matter what. As long as I know to respect and honor myself and take no less from others.. working is easier. I know this is cliche but think more positively, forgiving yourself for your perceive mistakes. If you felt that you had a embarrassing panic attack in front of everyone.. forget it and forgive yourself move on to the next day.. you will realize that you will stop having the attacks everyday and they will happen more infrequently. Don't blame yourself and let the little voice inside your head say that "you are a loser" or that "you can't" or "that you're stupid". Shut it out and replace it with "I can" or "so what I look nervous..I will get over it and everyone else will" or "I am brave" and what works for me" I am the most beautiful person I know". Put up a list on your door or mirror listing all of your great qualities and remind yourself every morning. Good luck and Bless.. Ciao..Godiva