Joined: Oct 08, 2005 Posts: 129 Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:21 pm Post subject:
al1 wrote:
hi things like this are really annoying. we are all human beings havent done anything nasty to others and we should all be treated nicely whether we have social anxiety or not!
I could not agree more, alas the world is not like this and I guess we just have to put up with this.
Joined: Dec 01, 2004 Posts: 134 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 10:45 pm Post subject:
I suffer from this such alot, I get incredibly down because of how people treat me. Im not how they think i am. I know how i must look to people and it worries me constantly, sometimes i can see the discomfort on peoples faces some people just ignore me completly.......I find it hard to cope too.
people can change their opinions of you, Just keep trying, Sometimes if people sense that you are uncomfortable then they avoid saying too much incase they make you feel worse.
Try to think things through in a more rational way alot of what we do is speculating with no proof that it is the case ( though granted some people are complete arseholes, thats their problem not yours)
Also try to ignore people and stay focussed. Im sorry if this sounds patronising its a subject i deal alot with myself.
Take care
Joined: Oct 08, 2005 Posts: 129 Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posted: Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:22 pm Post subject:
blue wrote:
I suffer from this such alot, I get incredibly down because of how people treat me. Im not how they think i am. I know how i must look to people and it worries me constantly, sometimes i can see the discomfort on peoples faces some people just ignore me completly.......I find it hard to cope too.
people can change their opinions of you, Just keep trying, Sometimes if people sense that you are uncomfortable then they avoid saying too much incase they make you feel worse.
Try to think things through in a more rational way alot of what we do is speculating with no proof that it is the case ( though granted some people are complete arseholes, thats their problem not yours)
Also try to ignore people and stay focussed. Im sorry if this sounds patronising its a subject i deal alot with myself.
Take care
thanks for your good advice, but this is a constant source of frustration to me i.e. wondering what people think of me or feeling that they are avoiding me or just don't care. I feel like shaking people sometimes I really do as don't they realise I am a human being just like them?!? I must admit, I have come across more than my fair share are arseholes and they certainly haven't helped me with my confidence and self esteem issues.
As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.
As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.
totally relate to this topic.
when i am around people i go into this wierd cope mode. it's like a switch is flipped on. it is fake overly-friendly mode. this makes people treat me different- usually with dislike and/or patronizing. i cannot stand it. and it's not their fault, it's me. it is how i act that brings back those results. but it is the last straw, my only means of coping with social interaction.
cobalt, your coworker sounds like an ass. but the thing is, he probably wasn't even trying to slight you (maybe his mind was somewhere else when you asked how he was doing). he probably has a casual relationship with the other coworker. if he WAS trying to slight you then he is the waste of space. you don't want to be friends with people like that anyway. don't take it too personally. you sound like a very courteous, considerate person. your coworker can suck it.
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Joined: May 22, 2008 Posts: 3 Location: Hampshire, UK
Posted: Wed Aug 13, 2008 10:09 am Post subject:
Hi Colbalt,
I go through exactly the same at work myself. Sometimes people will not even acknowledge me when I address them - other times they're really friendly and chatty. Some people seem to go out of their way to ignore me. I'm constantly hyper-analysing behaviour like this and ultimately it makes me incredibly frustrated and uncomfortable. I don't understand why people act like this because I'd feel awful if I did to someone else.
Except for a couple of close friends at work (with whom I feel comfortable), I too notice the distress on people's faces when engaged in a conversation with them and try to break off as a result. I often think I have three eyes It must be subtle signals that we give off...
I can so TOTALLY relate to this that i HAD to send a reply... I've been employed for 3 months and i am faced with the same problem...i was treated so nicely by my immediate seniors when i joined but now that i am 3 months old in my new job i feel that they've just withdrawn and what i felt earlier was just a sort of 'Welcome abroad' kind of gesture from them...Now we go for lunch everyday and tea breaks but these senior seniors, one guy and one lady both a little older than i am... they keep talking to each other and just ignore me.... As far as i go i feel too scared to utter a word in case they think i am a loser...And at the same time i feel bitter and upset especially with the lady cos she was really like a big sister and teacher in the begining but now when we get together she doesnt even look at me.. i feel broken and confused as to what i did wrong cos i respect her like hell and i badly need her as a friend... It shouldnt be like this cos i didnt do anything wrong to them... i also like to be talked to, to feel needed... everyone wants that and no one wants to be sidelined and ignored... ..
Joined: Oct 08, 2005 Posts: 129 Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:33 pm Post subject:
Willburn wrote:
Hi Colbalt,
I go through exactly the same at work myself. Sometimes people will not even acknowledge me when I address them - other times they're really friendly and chatty. Some people seem to go out of their way to ignore me. I'm constantly hyper-analysing behaviour like this and ultimately it makes me incredibly frustrated and uncomfortable. I don't understand why people act like this because I'd feel awful if I did to someone else.
Except for a couple of close friends at work (with whom I feel comfortable), I too notice the distress on people's faces when engaged in a conversation with them and try to break off as a result. I often think I have three eyes It must be subtle signals that we give off...
Will.
It's strange why people act like this towards us isn't it? It's like they are judging us and we don't come up to scratch in their eyes. How would they like it if we evaluated them like this? Not very much at all I would suggest!
Joined: Oct 08, 2005 Posts: 129 Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:36 pm Post subject:
CK23 wrote:
I can so TOTALLY relate to this that i HAD to send a reply... I've been employed for 3 months and i am faced with the same problem...i was treated so nicely by my immediate seniors when i joined but now that i am 3 months old in my new job i feel that they've just withdrawn and what i felt earlier was just a sort of 'Welcome abroad' kind of gesture from them...Now we go for lunch everyday and tea breaks but these senior seniors, one guy and one lady both a little older than i am... they keep talking to each other and just ignore me.... As far as i go i feel too scared to utter a word in case they think i am a loser...And at the same time i feel bitter and upset especially with the lady cos she was really like a big sister and teacher in the begining but now when we get together she doesnt even look at me.. i feel broken and confused as to what i did wrong cos i respect her like hell and i badly need her as a friend... It shouldnt be like this cos i didnt do anything wrong to them... i also like to be talked to, to feel needed... everyone wants that and no one wants to be sidelined and ignored... ..
HI CK23. It's 'goog' to know that I am not the only one facing this dilemma. Have you considered having a private chat with this lady you respect? I know this would be hard to do, but I feel that it could really help your situation a lot.
Joined: Oct 08, 2005 Posts: 129 Location: Lincolnshire, UK
Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 5:41 pm Post subject:
dottie wrote:
Argamemnon wrote:
As someone else said, I can often see the discomfort on peoples faces when they are around me. It's so painful, what have I ever done to them. I just want to be respected and treated equally. I'd like to see myself on video and analyze what I did 'wrong'.
totally relate to this topic.
when i am around people i go into this wierd cope mode. it's like a switch is flipped on. it is fake overly-friendly mode. this makes people treat me different- usually with dislike and/or patronizing. i cannot stand it. and it's not their fault, it's me. it is how i act that brings back those results. but it is the last straw, my only means of coping with social interaction.
cobalt, your coworker sounds like an ass. but the thing is, he probably wasn't even trying to slight you (maybe his mind was somewhere else when you asked how he was doing). he probably has a casual relationship with the other coworker. if he WAS trying to slight you then he is the waste of space. you don't want to be friends with people like that anyway. don't take it too personally. you sound like a very courteous, considerate person. your coworker can suck it.
Hello Dottie. Thanks for saying that I sound like a corteous and considerate person - I think I am but it's a pity that nobody else seems to!! People should not judge you for going into this 'fake' mode as you describe it. If they were more emotionally intelligent they would realise that this was a coping mechanism, and the fact that they act negatively towards you shows a real lack of empathy and undestanding. Nodoby is better than anyone else - we must keep reminding ourselves of that!
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It must be subtle signals that we give off...
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