READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!Think Ive cracked it!!!! After reading this I posted a message and Googled the problem again and found somthing on sub-communication and how to over come our problem. I'll try and explain, look at one eye and dont blink. When your doing the talking look away occasionally, when it feels right, and when thier doing the talking look at them for longer, still look away now and again but not nearly as often. On top of this advice Ive started telling my self over and over all day long this phrase:- Dont be scared of anybody or anything and dont be scared of what they think when they look at you. Ive been doing this for 2 days, after the first day I noticed a difference and felt 50% better, today Ive noticed people feel more at ease around me, which is how things used to be 10 years ago!!!!! I now feel 90% better.
Will you all try this and post on here and tell me how it goes, If we work together we can break this misserable afliction and break free from this box weve locked our selfs in, in our heads. Sorry again about the spelling! [/b]
I really HATE this weird thing I do. I hate not being able to look people in the eye. Mine is caused typically when someone has something on their face, and then I have trouble not looking at it, and then I end up not being able to look them in the eye anymore because I wander around their face or stare at them directly in the eye. And I'm started to do it with everyone, even my close relatives. It's really uncomfortable and I'm losing two friends because of it. It's becoming awkward for me to talk. I really need help. I dislike this mannerism!
If someone can help me, please. It's really affecting my life.
I think it's shocking that people are losing friends over this (they must be rubbish friends?) but I identify with the rest of it. I'm hopeless at eye contact as it feels like the other person is - as was said early in the thread - looking right at my soul and everything I'm thinking or have ever thought.
Angry parents and teachers really didn't help. You know when you've been bad as a kid and the adult will be trying to get the truth out of you and will stare you square in the eyes with that angry look, often with their eyes kind of 'looking around' as if they're searching inside your head. I think that's what put me off it. Nobody ever taught me that it was considered rude *not* to make eye contact until it was far too late, they'd only ever act like it was something you do when you're being told off.
If I'm concentrating and know it's really important, for example a job interview, I can do eye contact properly. But it takes of LOT of effort and courage.
READ THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!Think Ive cracked it!!!! After reading this I posted a message and Googled the problem again and found somthing on sub-communication and how to over come our problem. I'll try and explain, look at one eye and dont blink. When your doing the talking look away occasionally, when it feels right, and when thier doing the talking look at them for longer, still look away now and again but not nearly as often. On top of this advice Ive started telling my self over and over all day long this phrase:- Dont be scared of anybody or anything and dont be scared of what they think when they look at you. Ive been doing this for 2 days, after the first day I noticed a difference and felt 50% better, today Ive noticed people feel more at ease around me, which is how things used to be 10 years ago!!!!! I now feel 90% better.
Will you all try this and post on here and tell me how it goes, If we work together we can break this misserable afliction and break free from this box weve locked our selfs in, in our heads. Sorry again about the spelling! [/b]
That's pretty good advice snipes. I usually look at the area between their eyes tho, lol, not one eye. Sometimes I end up forgetting to look away, lol and it looks like I'm staring them down. haha. Also when I'm doing the talking, because I'm concentrating on their nose bridge as well as thinking about what i'm saying, I have to concentrate harder, which makes me widen my eyes and my eyebrows raise up as well. lol. It didn't seem to bother anyone so I didn't think it was a big deal until I met this chinese guy, who was kind of being an asshole. He's the type of person who picks up on your flaws and concentrate on them and since he's got small eyes, he probably thought it was odd that my eyes go like o_o to O_O when I'm talking about something exciting. I'm sure I've done that while talking to other ppl too but they never gave me a hard time about it. But that chinese guy started imitating me, in front of his wife, cus he thinks it's something to make fun of. Like, I couldn't tell that he was imitating me. I didn't care much tho, even tho I did notice it and I'm like oh wow, that's rather immature for a 43 yr old man. I think also it was his way of reassuring his wife that he's being emotionally faithful to her, by making fun of the other female. Funny thing is, he was the one who invited me out to eat with them, not the other way around.
Pur-lease! so what if my eyes are like O_O!!
To be able to look someone in the eye and remain calm you have to love yourself, the way you look, your personality; you have to have a high self-esteem.
To be able to look someone in the eye and remain calm you have to love yourself, the way you look, your personality; you have to have a high self-esteem.
That´s what I was thinking about right yesterday. I don´t know if it´s right, but it occured to me that probably low self esteem is the culprit. If we were treated like rubbish and also for example in uncultured low class families at the same time we are the product of this environment. I wish I could be born again in another family who would treat me with dignity a like grown up person, promote rather than supress development and self-esteem.
Btw was there any twin study with twins raised in different families?
Joined: Jun 20, 2005 Posts: 422 Location: United States of America
Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 3:40 am Post subject:
Honestly, making eye contact is one of the few shy-related things I can actually do well. I just like looking into people's eyes, especially if they have nice blue eyes or something. I mean, I still look away a lot and can't hold eye contact for as long as "normal" people seem to hold eye contact, but I am still surprisingly good at it.
that is so nuts....I always thought I was the only person who did that. I have the hardest time looking people in the the eye while they're talking. I don't think it's as intense as some of the people here say they have it though.....if you find something that would help me let me know cause I would love to able to just talk to people!
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Funny thing is, he was the one who invited me out to eat with them, not the other way around.
