My story

Pongle · Newbie User Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Norway

Hi everyone,

I found this forum a couple of weeks ago and until now I've just browsed through every now and then, but now I've finally decided to join in with you lot. Very Happy

Hope you'll take the time to read what I have to say.

Well, first things first. I'm 21 years old and I've had SP since I was about 9 years old. (That's the earliest I can remember having this problem anyway) Still it was only 2 years ago that I realised that there is infact a diagnosis for my problem.

My SP is generally about talking to people, but I'm also much concerned with what other people think of me. It can be just as difficult talking to my parents as to a complete stranger on the street. The worst situations for me are phone calls, talking to authorities and when I have to tell people things I *know* like my name, the names of my relatives/friends, where I live, etc etc.

I can count on one hand the number of times I've succcessfully introduced myself, where I was actually able to tell the person asking my name, over the past few years and I would need a whole lot of hands to count the times I failed. In most cases I chicken out and leave them with a "hi", "nice to meet you" or something like that, unless of course they really need my name for registering something or whatever in which case I eventually manage to tell them. Actually I've even had to write it down a couple of time because I simply could not say it.

It might not come as a big surprise, but I don't have a girlfriend nor have I ever had one. It's been over 10 years since I even kissed a girl, but that was in a game of spin the bottle, so I reckon it doesn't really count. There have been a couple of girls which I could easily tell were interested, but nothing happened because I was too afraid to initiate conversation.

The fear is never knowing when the SP strikes. The fear of making a fool out of myself in front of people I know when I'm suddenly unable to say anything. Belive it or not, I am really a very social person and not shy at all, which makes dealing with my condition even harder.

I should probably wrap this up now as I ought to get some sleep. You're probably tired of reading too, so I guess I'm doing us both a favour. Smile

Thanks for reading,

-Pongle

Tris · Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2004 1:36 am Post subject:

I know how you feel, i am so out going and funny and positive, im like the crazy one out of my group of friends..but once someone new is around, i dont even talk, im the chick no one knows the name of....u know what i mean?

Ive had MANY chances to have a boyfriend, but never can pull myself to actually stop being afraid and do it, all thats going through my mind is that im not good enough and why would anyone want anyone who has a problem like i have, okay i could prolly get the guts to be with someone, but try and get me out to do things or meet friends and family, it just would not happen, see i have SP and im stubborn as hell, so thats not a good combo :)

We all just need to kick this evil demon down, and start living our lives....most of us have never even felt how it is to have a life, me included, and i think that may be the worst feeling in the world, so now before i start to depress everyone even more im gonna end it at that

Just stick in there and keep your head up!

_________________
Tris

Pongle · Newbie User Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Norway

Hi Tris

It seems we're in the same boat then. Glad to see that there's someone out there who's going through the same things as me. I'm also really funny, but more often than not I don't get to show it. Even with close friends I often don't tell jokes I know would knock them off their feet with laughter because of my SP.

Like you I'm the guy no one knows the name of, or at least it takes a long time before they pick it up. When new people are around I talk only as much as I have to, and I'm in constant fear that they'll ask me for my name, what I do or whatever. So mostly I just speak when spoken to. I don't find myself initiating a lot of conversations, at least not with strangers or people I don't know very well.

I'll hang in there, though. No matter how long it would take I'm gonna get a real life someday. Even if I could only live a normal life for a single day, It'd be totally worth it.

You hang in there too! Smile

Orlando · Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2004 6:26 am Post subject:

Welcome, Pongle.

Hi, Tris!

I just wanted to say that I do believe we will get better. It takes a lot of determination and a willingness to take risks. (All of us at this website has the courage to share who they are and how they are feeling. That's a lot to say for itself.) I also believe that family and friends provide a support that is invaluable. At first, I didn't have anyone. I hated my family and I stayed in my room all day (I had no friends.)...but after while (years), I started to branch out. It was hard and difficult...there were times when I thought it was just probably better that I just do this alone....work on my shyness alone...but I needed someone to talk, relate to, to draw strength from when I felt weak, even to help others to know that I was needed...One thing that definately helped me get through some of those tough times was a sense of humor.....
If I laughed so loud, I wouldn't have cry so hard.

Wishing you both well.

_________________
-Orl

neddy · Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2004 12:50 pm Post subject:

Hello, unlike you i am very shy and introverted and used to shake just thinking about meeting people for the first time. I find it very difficult to be around people especially people I don't know very well but I am slowly overcoming this with the help of my job. My job requires me to transport people from place to place and you have to be polite to all the people you come in contact with. I am finding it easier to talk to people now. I have been bullied and verbally put down by alot of people and I used to think that everyone was the same but through my job I have realised that there are alot of nice people out there.

I also don't have a boyfirend. There have been a few guys interested but I run a mile. Sometimes I often wonder what would have happened if my sa wasnt so bad. I know the day will come when I will meet someone but I'm not too concerned about it as I would like to sort myself out first.