Posted: Thu Apr 22, 2004 4:14 am Post subject: Sad Chad, an Inspiring Poem to ALL people with SAD
Quote:
SAD Chad
------------
Chad Moore
Never lived
always dead
no bread
drink coke
feels poke
always sad
love chad
can't dance
no chance
feels alone
ugly stone
big stick
black brick
always mad
love chad
needs air
more beer
fat bee
hurts me
never glad
love chad
me dreams
blows steam
hates rain
brown stain
always had
loved chad
I wrote this poem in hopes to inspire myself and to muster up enough courage to seek help. You see, I have very low self-esteem, but not for nothing. It pains me to be ridiculed, called names such as "fatty, dumb@**, worthless, etc." I honestly believe I am the ugliest person in the world, I have nothing to live for. If only God would somehow utilize my life, for I have no worth or care for my own being - if i must die and be sacrificed to save the people who hurt me dearly, then so be it. I did not ask for this, of all the people, why me? Everybody uses something to cope with, and my tool is food. I say to myself, If I have to be fat, I might as well enjoy being fat and eat to my stomach's content and then more. I am afraid I'm on the brink to drugs. I've managed to become a "mute" and when genuinely nice people try to talk to me (i'm guessing out of pity), I cannot find the words to prolong the conversation and it's always a one or two liner.
I've enclosed a picture of my ugly self.
That's how I look...well I actually look pretty good in that drawing compared to real life.
Well, about the poem. It's deliberately written to seem idiotic, meaningless, irrational, unlogical, etc...because thats what Social Anxiety Disorder is to me. It's stupid, why should I feel like this? I know it means nothing and its all irrational, yet I do it anyways.
I can't help but to feel sorry for myself, even though I know its such a pathetic thing to do. Do I want a pity party? Maybe...but really I want advice...Im 17, too shy to tell parents or anyone that i have a disorder (thank god i foudn out its a disorder!)
I don't see a long life ahead of me...best I can see is me in my 40's, single, in a low runned-down apartment too shy to have a job and attending a CBT group.
If there was a good cause to give my life away, I mean ANYTHING, I would gladly give mine up.
Oh, God...please rid me of this curse! You guys have it lucky, at least you have somewhat of a social life...or at least average looking... I HAVE NOTHING.. I'm ugly, I dont have any friends, I'm fat, I dont have any special talents. I wish i had a purpose, even if i was a tree, i feel like I would have a destiny and purpose.
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Posted: Fri Apr 23, 2004 7:04 pm Post subject: sadness is an overwhelming feeling
Oh Chad, sad, sad Chad,
I want nothing more to tell you life has purpose. To tell you we all are sad from time to time. There is nothing wrong with feeling alone or ugly. We all have those days. However, in time we can go from feeling helpless every second to feeling hopeful once in a while. I hope you are inspired by your own work to cope with your disorder. It is great that you recognize you may have a problem which needs to be adressed! It is important that you move forward, instead of staying stuck!
People will listen and they will care! Life has purpose but I believe that is not for us to figure out until........... who knows, until we figure it out but living is what makes it worth the wait!
i know how you feel...but you have to make some changes ..i had days when i didn't want to get out of bed, but i got a new bike and i love it..go out ...nature has healing powers you won't believe.
when you bike you don't need to talk to people, and you'll feel great after.. just don't sit at home, call your self fat and eat. it is not healthy.
you just need to allow your self to be beautiful..tell that to your self..
all the best
andrea
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