Gonna try it tonite

hitch · Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 6:41 pm Post subject: Gonna try it tonite

Well, I'm not going to write any "goodbye letter" to my family, never quite understood that, just thought I'd tell you guys since I'm sure most of ya been in the same boat as me, I'm done with trying all the drugs, all the different therapists, it's just not going to change, I think for some people this world is just never going to be right, I'll be 30 next month, not old by some standards but old enough when you consider all those years have miserable and wasted.

I still have no job, I live in my uncle's basement, I haven't had sex in almost 2yrs now, and that one was breaking a 7 year drought, not that I enjoy sex all that much anyhow, I'm flunking out of school AGAIN, I give up. I just plan to take a bunch of sleeping pills and fall asleep with the car running, (I rented a storage unit), I don't believe much in fate or god or whatever, but I guess if I wake up in the morning I'll have to give it another go, for awhile, if not, I'll see all of you on the other side. Thanks for listening and I hope all of you find a way to beat this.

J · Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 7:32 pm Post subject:

Hey man, don't do it!! Think of the pain you'll cause your family.

Every time I've been in that black hole you're in right now, something happened after it slooooowly began to lift that made me realize that I did want to stay alive, and that the feeling that there is nothing to live for and that nothing good will ever happen to me again is nothing but a nasty *illusion* created by my ailing mind. It *seems* like reality, but it's not.

Hang in there, man!! Everyone here is rooting for you. Smile

And no, 30 is not old. It seems that way when you're 20-something, but I'm almost 32 now and changed my perspective on that Razz

lol

thelostworld · Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 8:18 pm Post subject:

good luck to you, hitch...i would really take a good look at what you're going to be missing before you *****, even though i'm sure you've done that already. why did you choose that particular method by the way?

Colin · Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 8:31 pm Post subject:

Sorry if I encourage you to go one way or the other, I will just tell it like I think it is. I see no great power, no reason for my existence, no right, no wrong. I am so confused, suffering, yet life may still be interesting.
I know these are not the appropriate words but this is all I can muster. If this be your option at least ride out one last time for interest's sake, and you have my word I will ride out too because there is nothing more to lose. It is time for a SA expedition.

maggie · Posted: Thu Apr 07, 2005 10:26 pm Post subject:

Hey hitch, we need you in our silent army!! You need us to support you and we need you to support us, don't give up, you never know what is around the corner Smile

Sebastian · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 5:36 am Post subject:

Death is not the end of life,
Just as life is not the end of death,
But if one really opts for it as a solution,
Let him change the world before parting.

If you really want to *****, try to save or significantly change around other peoples' lives before doing it. After you've done so, it would be most interesting to listen to the events.

Rargh · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 6:41 am Post subject:

I am sorry for what you're going through....but being hard on yourself isnt gonna make things better.....Its not your fault that things dont go the right way or if you have physiological (or not) problem.................You still have the right to be alive despite your accomplishments, and what you define them as. They dont define "you."

You have the right to "enjoy" things and work on giving yourself permission to grow for "yourself"...and learn and grow for yourself. Its more easier to compare yourself to YOU.

Its hard sometimes when you get bogged down by these "Poison monuments" or whatever you want to call them......things that you have to "obtain" by a certain age, but who really makes up the rules. You might have some wisdom or experiences that no one else had gone through, and that can just be enough for YOU personally, if not even the world.

I am blabbin here and very tired, but am very concerned......I really hope you the best....and focusing on the seconds sometimes helps me Smile

Love to ya

-Rargh

Ps I gave this account on a public forum (the pearl jam message pit) just in case others wanted to come here).........

Please, just know that you have the right to be alive despite your anxiety
or how much you have accomplished (thats not even always tangible).....You are a part of this world......and we need more sensitive people like you...........God bless!

Rargh · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 6:43 am Post subject:

Damien · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 8:01 am Post subject:

i wonder if he did it...

Damien

_________________
Why can’t I be like the man in the mirror?
Confident and sharp, witty and smart.
In this foggy haze I am staggering
Chains of fear forever dragging.

FruitLooPs · Posted: Fri Apr 08, 2005 1:36 pm Post subject: