give up? or keep chipping away at shyness problem????

clairebear · Last edited by clairebear on Wed May 05, 2004 12:25 am; edited 1 time in total

Hi. I've been looking through the forums and i don't think i'm agoraphobic, just shy and self conscious. I'm 20 and in my second year of uni, and after christmas I made up my mind that I would face my shyness head on thinking that it was now or never. I didn' t want to spend my 21st birthday like all the others, sitting alone in my room.
So I gave myself a makeover, got some counselling, and a book called "This diary will change your life," which gives you a task every day such as approaching a stranger and asking them to write their first impression of you. (I would recommend this to any shy person or social phobe, it is very liberating!) I have sent off some CV's, which I was completely terrified of doing, booked a holiday on the phone (also scary) been to a scary public event, where the focus was partially on me, (I had to walk around wearing something i made and talk to strangers) go dancing (and almost enjoy it) amongst other things. I also accepted that any improvement would be gradual and difficult but I've proved to myself that I can do anything.
Or so I thought. Last year I went to the Jazz Cafe to see a guy called Lewis Taylor (who I have a total crush on) and the atmosphere was really intense and oppressive anyway, but I was SO self concious and worried that I didn't really enjoy it at all, I promised myself that I wouldn't go again. You guys know how it feels, like the best moments and years are slipping through your fingers and there is nothing you can do about it.
So he's playing the Jazz cafe right now and I'm miserable sitting alone in my room, i tried to talk to my best friend but she doesn't understand.
So I suppose my dilemma is, have I hit a snag and just keep chipping away at my insecurities, or have I tested and found my limits and should just accept who I am? All I know is that right now I feel pooey.

Frozen_In_Time · Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 4:21 pm Post subject:

Hi clairebear and welcome Smile

It's great to hear that you are trying to overcome your shyness, don't stop, it will work out one day because a phobia can be beaten! It's good that you can do something you are scared of doing, that is one of the first steps and soon it might become a routine and you won't have to think about it anymore. (Sorry about my naivety).

I think you should accept who you are, everyone is unique and wonderful in their own way, and I think you seem like a nice person from what I've just read Very Happy

I believe you can do it, you've gone so far already (I'm not implying that you are old, so don't think of it that way). Also, I felt that I had to justify everything that I said just in case it was taken the wrong way.

Well, good luck and hope to hear from you soon.
All the best,
Frozen_In_Time

gav · Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2004 1:57 pm Post subject:

Hi
Don't let one incident put you off,think about what you have achieved and try not to analyse too much..I know I do! gav

J · Guest

Not over-analyzing and not beating yourself up are two key things. Really difficult, for sure, but key. Another key thing: Keep trying! Smile

(Even MORE difficult, I know!!)