My story...is this Social Anxiety Disorder or just shyness?

collegeguy

First post here...this has been plaguing me for a while now and I finally decided to do SOMETHING by searching the web.

Anyway, I really appear to be a pretty normal guy...and I don't exhibit some of the extreme symptoms I've read about on this site.

I have a good amount of friends...I enjoy partying, and I do a lot of stuff to have fun. I generally don't isolate myself from the world to a great degree.

However, my problem is I am EXTREMELY self-conscience. When I'm around friends it isn't too bad...but if I'm out by myself in public, I'm usually extremely self-conscious. I'm almost always slightly uneasy. Now, I don't avoid going out alone...if I need to get something to eat and nobody else wants to go, I will go. But, I always feel as if EVERYONE is watching me and my every move. I feel like I must look stupid in the eyes of everyone else. As I've already indicated, I always feel at least slightly uneasy out in public by myself...depending on the situation it sometimes borders on panic, you know, shaking hands...sweating, fast heartbeat. For instance, I HATE eating by myself in public, and will do anything to avoid it. I will NEVER eat in my college's dining halls by myself. On long drives by myself, sometimes I'll stop to get something to eat...and if I eat in the restauraunt by myself, I feel extremely uneasy, like everyone in the restaurant (none of whom know me) is watching me, or thinking I'm a loser for eating by myself.

Another problem is that I'm WAY too passive. I really have trouble asserting myself, even though I'd like to - and because of it I get pushed around a lot. I believe this stems from my self-consciousness and the overbearing feeling that everyone is analyzing me, and the overbearing feeling to make everyone like me. For instance, if someone says something I disagree with I will almost always not voice my opinion...instead nodding in silent agreement, for fear of confrontation. It's hard to explain...

Another example is, if I order food and my order is messed up...I will suck it up rather than complain, and even if I do complain, I come across as meek, rather than actually taking a stand.

I allow myself to get pushed around...if I drive somewhere, I typically don't like to have food in my car (I'm kind of a neat freak) but if someone insists on eating in my car, I won't speak up.

I'm also horrible at negotiating with people...meaning they almost always end up getting the better of me.

One other thing I have a problem with is authority figures...I have a job but even asking for job applications scared me to death - I was so afraid of what my employer would think of me, just in the way that I asked for an application, that it made me nervous. Of course, this was counterproductive as my nervousness definitely came across in terms of shaking hands, shaky voice, etc....same in job interviews I've had. I hate talking to professors after class even if I have a very important question...I'm afraid I'll be criticized for asking something stupid...even moreso in the middle of class...I have not spoken in any of my classes this year.

That's the other thing, I absolutely cannot take being criticized in the slightest way. I'm DEATHLY afraid of reading the comments on a report or essay I get back from class, in fear that it will have direct criticisms. If someone criticizes me in the slightest at work I will analyze it for the rest of the night...even if it was minor or not even my fault. Thus, much of my life is geared around avoiding criticism...as well as criticizing others, since I'm so wrapped up in what others think of me.

I've been shy since childhood and was always told by my parents that it was a phase that would pass, well, I'm going on 20 and if anything i've gotten a bit worse in some areas the last few years....

Now, let me remind you - I have plenty of friends, I do like to party, have fun, go to sporting events, play sports, etc....and I'm pretty good at masking my above problems. It's just that the above problems are definitely interfering with my life and I can see them interfering with my ability to have a successful career/rest of my life.

Does this sound like Social Anxiety Disorder or something else? Because honestly...after reading up, I still don't know. I'm too ashamed to tell anyone/go to a therapist too....although I may have to bite the bullet if I want to live a happy life.

scardecat · Guest

Well, it does to me but really, i dont know. Im more than double your age,(heck, almost tripple) but yu sound just like how i've lived my life.I''ve carried a great job for almost 20 years with this prob, but now, being older, i am about disabled with horrable anxiety atacks, and sometimes even feel by polar. I feel so happy that im doing something then the next min, it occurs to me that i may be being watched or something and i just could crawl away. There's no way i can speak up in class...yep, even as an older person,,and when called upon, i sweat, heart race, and nearly pass out. (good thing i went to class only for fun) So, try not to be afraid to get help NOW. Not drugs i dont think anyway, but some good help cause your really ok, just need to figure yourself out better before you get deeper. good luck! you sound like a neat person, just need a pinch of a boost mabie....

chris_1982 · Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2003 1:18 pm Post subject:

richkid · Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2003 2:18 pm Post subject:

Chris is right , I've looked at someone out fit or hair and giggled but not thought about it after that.
Think everyone would find eating by them selfs daughting I never have,usually get a take away, like chris'example you can'tfocus on what people might be saying cause it could be something completly different, who cares really do you make assumptions abpout others when your eating infact do they care, why should they.
Think everyhing you feel is normal, most people look at people in authority as battle axes they are but thats what they suppose to be.
I would welcome critism with a pinch of salt,use them as a tool to improve not to mock you performance. If you can improve on them how can anyone possibly be critical. Its practice you can't get it right the first time, this might be patronising but try and try again, but how says you need to be perfect nobody is. Smile

collegeguy · Posted: Thu Dec 11, 2003 6:20 am Post subject:

You know, the fact of the matter is - I realize all of this - my self-consciousness is totally irrational, I 100% realize this, yet I've not yet found a way to relieve myself of it. I don't get it...If I know it's irrational, why do I still feel this way?

Guest · Posted: Sat Jan 03, 2004 4:18 am Post subject:

DUDE GET HELP RIGHT NOW TALK TO SOMEONE ANYONE YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE IT IS GOING TO BECOME HORRIBLE DO NOT BE SHY ASK FOR HELP RIGHT NOW THIS IS JUST THE BEGGENING ASK FOR HELP DAMN IT. OR YOUR SO GOING TO REGRET LIKE ME IT STARTED LIKE THAT AND NOW I THINK OF SUICIDE EVERY HOUR IT IS GOING TO GROW WORSE GO TO YOUR DOCTOR TELL YOUR PARENTS PLEASE PLEASE DON'T GO TO THE SAME LINE I DID PLEASE

unigirl · Posted: Sun Jan 04, 2004 2:55 am Post subject:

Hi there collegeguy!

Just want to say a few things. Firstly I feel exactly the same way as you and is making my life very difficult right now. As it has done for many years, but I have only just realised that feeling like this is not normal and is something that I just don't want to feel or have in my life anymore.

I don't know what it is myself but i really do believe it is a social anxiety disorder. In fact I have only recently in the last week plucked up the courage to actually go and see my doctor about this. And I am gonna explain to him the exact same feelings as you (and me) are going through.

I have spent all my life worrying about what others thought of me, too scared to speak out in class or at work, and always tryed to please everyone. It has got to the stage where some days I am too scared to leave the house, as I don't want to be judged by anyone. And like you I am also terrified of eating in public. I live with 3 friends in a student house and have spent the last two months in my room alone cause I am too scared to be around people, even my closest friends. I begin shaking and go bright read sometimes when spoken too. Maybe my symptoms are not as bad as yours but I definatly have the excruciating shyness you described. Like you I used to be fine when out with friends etc. and only used to get this panicky, anxious feeling when out alone in the public. Well not anymore, I have this feeling vurtually all the time now.

Thats why I am going to the doctors in two days. I am going to sort this out because I know I can't put up with this for the rest of my life. It doesn't go away on its own, it just gets worse.

Thanks for listening to me ramble and hoped I helped a little!

kateangel · Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 7:57 pm Post subject:

I understand this compltely... i am not completely scared of leaving the house or going out... i never go out to places like bars and places where every1 is there to look at each other and see 'whos hot and whos not'. I can go to the cinema, but could never go by myself as i wud only look at the staff there and think they are all looking at me thinking im a freak. Sad

everyones insecurities come from somewhere i think, it cud have been lack of attention when u were a child to actually physical abuse etc... i never was abused at home but bullied by other students and on a separate occasion a teacher or 2. i believe that this whole issue is where it stems from. U must not focus too hard on these factors, but ma7ybe go over them so u can move on. this will sound soppy and cheesy, but WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL, NO1 CAN LET US THINK OTHERWISE... EVERY1 IS DIFFERENT -- u can not be harshly judged and upset if u dont let it all get 2 u. I have actually developed a trick to help me in these situations- DONT THINK! dont think about it, that is partially the problem here... u think over it all and worry urself with all the possible outcomes and u spend more time thinking than actually doing! Rolling Eyes

and if it all goes wrong... u can go home... u can escape that situation... or u can laugh it off... it can never be as bad as u make out.# Shocked

hope i wasnt too persistant and bossy! Cool

Kate xx

Pongle · Newbie User Joined: Apr 13, 2004 Posts: 8 Location: Norway

Hi, Collegeguy Very Happy

I know exactly how you feel. When I read your story, I felt almost as I was reading about myself. I'm quite sure that you have social phobia, cos judging from what you've written I think it's way beyond shyness.

The first step to dealing with it is to talk to someone you trust, and who you think will understand. It might be scary at first, but after you've shared it with them, I guarantee you that you would have lifted a lot of weight off of your shoulders.

Best of luck Smile

mindmatter · Guest

It does sound like you have social anxiety.I am almost 20 years older than you and I am stilll dealing with it.Like you I also have good friends, social life and for the most part I do enjoy people. But I always feel people are judging me.I really believe if you can STOP in your tracks when you are thinking negative thoughts, that is the beginning to understanding that it is true what we think projects how we feel. It really
is so simple, but alot of us can't shake those feelings.Keep at it, keep searching and also read up on taking lots of amino acids they definatley
help your mood and how you feel about yourself. Great book to read is
mood cure. And for eating in public by yourself, I thing alot of people
socially anxious or not feels uncomfortable by them selves in some
public situations. Good LucK