Friends

kateangel · Posted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 1:39 pm Post subject: same problem

i have exactly the same problem... i have frieds that also dont go out much.. and i am moving house soon and am worried that i wont have any friends at all

i am at college now, and i have been in the same college for 6 years (been here since i was 11) and i have a couple of really good friends, but never have had the confidence to make more friends and have always though 'well they wont want to talk 2 me'. I dont reguarly go out, but if i do it is usually with my family, which i kinda use an excuse to say that im helping my mum look after my younger brothers and sisters... i am not sure if i have mild agoraphobia, as i can go out but i always want to go back home where i feel safe.
My social life is on the internet and msn as it is the only place wgere i feel that im not judged harshly...

kate xx

funnyman · Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2004 12:51 am Post subject:

I find I can talk more open with people online where as face to face im not as open.

Tris · Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2004 2:30 am Post subject:

Oh def! i could tell someone online my whole life story, but if im face to face with someone its just not gonna happen, I try, i try sooo hard, but i open my mouth and nothing comes out, or i say something and its not what i meant or what i wanted to say and i feel stupid then my face turns red and all i wanna do it run home crawl in a corner and cry...im so sick of trying anf failing, but im going to keep trying cuz i wanna be okay!

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Tris

terresap · Newbie User Joined: Apr 06, 2004 Posts: 43

crashmodem · Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2004 2:58 am Post subject:

hey.. at least you get invited to places.. i never get invited anywhere.. i am so sick and tired of life and everything..

Friends for me are a luxury i don't have...

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Thats My two cents (including tax)

Hope · Posted: Mon May 03, 2004 2:49 am Post subject:

Friends is a topic I could go on for ad nauseum.
I used to (or thought I used to) have 'em, but in hindsight they were just using me, and when real shit in my life hit the proverbial fan, they were gone in a flash, few to be heard from again. This went for most of my relatives as well. It's left me with considerable bitterness, and now I'm extremely cautious trying to build new relationships.
While the isolation is often overwhelming, being in bad company, esp. bad company that eventually betrays you, is often even worse in the end.
Though I've not built close ties with anyone there lately, I've found my general enjoyment is greater with small groups (e.g. outdoor activity groups and support groups).
I'm lucky that I at least have a local couple and one other friend who understand me (and appear to give a s**t), but find they alone don't fill all the gaps, because you can't suffocate people and expect friendships to last. Having no local relatives doesn't help.
I'm looking at some possible volunteer and activism projects to meet people, as well as help me feel I'm doing something worthwhile.

Looking for any suggestions others might have too.

funnyman · Posted: Tue May 04, 2004 4:48 am Post subject: To HOPE

Are there any support groups you could join in Canada where you can meet people with simular problems?

Guest · Posted: Tue May 04, 2004 9:03 am Post subject:

Hope and others,

I think the best approach to making ongoing friendships is to increase the number of people you meet. I have been reminde by my counsellor that it's unreasonable to expect myself to form close relationships with everyone I meet. In the past I have tended to be very hard on myself. It is a long process and takes persistence.
I have made good friends through a support group. It is harder to do this in other groups I go to. I think I still tend to hold back from people. However I am pleased that at least I have continued to go to them, whereas in the past I probably would have left.
I think it's good ot pursue your own interests. This is probably the best way to meet people who you are compatible with.

Hope · Posted: Thu May 06, 2004 4:32 pm Post subject:

funnyman - Yes, there are support groups of various sorts, though few locally. The SP group I attended was very disappointing as the facilitator knew next to nothing about SP, and the group never stayed on topic. Educating them was futile. The group subsequently folded.

Guest - Definitely meeting more people helps, and I do that, but after a very long dry run (years) of not making close connections, it's become rather discouraging. Nevertheless I continue. The alternatives are worse.

>>I have been reminde by my counsellor that it's unreasonable to expect myself to form close relationships with everyone I meet.<<
Well over 95% of people I meet I doubt I'd want a close friendship with. There have to be some common values, interests and purpose.

Like you, I think I've become cautious initiating friendships, mainly because I've been burnt so many times. Before I invest my diminishing free time, I have to see some possibilities. I made what I thought was a close connection in a support group, only to have it flop 2 years later - some major philosophical differences apparently, not to mention a large dose of disingenuousness on their part.

>>I think it's good ot pursue your own interests. This is probably the best way to meet people who you are compatible with.<<
I agree 100%!

Good luck and keep attending the groups. For my part, I feel I'll have to switch to some other groups here.

funnyman · Posted: Sat May 08, 2004 4:48 am Post subject:

I have had plenty of times where I have met new people, threw study and work etc..... We are nice to each other and seem like we are friends then outside these places its like we dont even know each other. Dispite my efforts. Oh well Confused