Please help me.... I don't want to go to a psychologist

xeqshinor

Hi,
My name is Sam, I'm 17 and this is my very first post...

Wow, I never thought I would see myself doing this.... but here I am. Years ago I would have imagined myself signing up on this forum only for good laughs rather than for personal help. I had always portrayed myself as "invincible", dispensable of any guidance. And now I see why people have these problems such as social anxiety/phobia, because of the tyrants such as my former self.

I am here to seek help.... yet I cannot break my egocentric self-perspective, which is probably why I have these problems in the first place. I am not 100% willing to open myself up, I am a very secluded individual. I have recently accepted to label myself with social anxiety and whatever other phobias I may have, but I refuse to see a psychologist.

I don't know when exactly these problems started for me. I could probably link it back to childhood, school friends (which ironically still are my very good friends.) who used to make fun of me. My solid ego wouldn't take it, so I too would retaliate, and it would go on the whole bus ride to and from school. Although at the end of the day the both of us would be even in "fun-making points", I would take it all to the heart. I started to feel embaressed of myself to my peers as the days went on.

But, before this I was a very confident kid. In 3rd grade, I would always entertain fellow classmates by making witty remarks and hilarious comments. Now, in my junior year of high school, I sit far in the corner of the room, doing anything possible to avoid any social interactions. It's really weird tho... I'm usually not like this outside of school.... I guess the whole restricted atmosphere of school just has some kind of reaction on me, probably beacuse i'm always surrounded by friends (which I have many of (including ones who make fun of me. (still))) lol

The main reason I decided to post on here is because two days ago in english class, the teacher assigned paragraphs for every student to read out loud.... A very very simple task. I have no problems whatsoever reading, I believe I have the best reading level of any student in the class. The story began, and 1 by 1 the paragraphs were read off.... every line read down made my heart beat faster. I thought my chest muscles were going to hyperextend. Finally there was one line left before my que to begin, and the page in my book was drenched from my sweaty palms. I opened my mouth and started to read. I didn't even understand what I was reading because I was so focused on how damn shaky and trembling my voice sounded. It was as if I was on a rollercoaster trying to talk. After my paragraph, I lifed my eyes up and could see everyone just chuckling. The story wasn't over yet.... and finally my turn came again.... but before I could get one word out, the teacher interupted and began to read my paragraph for me..... I have never felt so embaressed in my life.

A week before this incident, the english teacher made us memorize the full gettysburg address and recite it in front of the class... I had the same exact adrenaline rush. I got up on stage and made a total fool of myself. As soon as I realized how trembly my voice was, I stopped at the second sentence and completely refrained from reciting the rest of the lines which I had worked days on to memorize.

I have tried alot of different techniques which have been proven to alleviate some of this stress. Breathing, inciteful thoughts, favorite songs, favorite pictures, favorite shows.... What I haven't tried are the corny, pretend the audience is in their underwear shit. The last thing I'd want the audience to see would be my protruding pants. But yeah, I've tried everything.... and nothing works.

I have english tomorrow..... I'm thinking about skipping school altogether.

I'm sorry for my lengthy, sappy story, but I just wanted to get everything set and done.... I never wanted to be in this position in the first place and just thinking about it blows my self-esteem down the drain.... please give me some motivation, some assistance.

Mathgan · Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 2:18 am Post subject: Help

Hi Sam

First thing is - there's nothing wrong. Second is - threre's nothing wrong with going to a psychologist. Third thing - you probably don't need to.

What do you think a psychologist is? He (she) is just a person who has clynical knowledge of the "psyche" - whatever the hell that is!

Look man, we all go through stages that we don't understand. And we think everyone else does - or at least thae WE should - because we are special or somefink like dat.

The reality is that we are all trying to make it in the world. To survive - to love and be loved and be happy and all that. And we will look to anywhere for the answers.

Cal me and I'll tell you all the answers.

Ahh - forget it - I'll give you the answers for free.

There are no answers. We all have to make it on our own - in our own way

My way? Love, peace and tolerance

Take care and enjoy your life

Mathgan

nickabcuk · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2004 Posts: 100

xeqshinor · Posted: Wed Apr 27, 2005 3:30 am Post subject:

Thank you very much for your replies, I'm glad people are actually concerned with the issues I am undergoing. Your advice has been very helpful and has significantly altered my view on this issue. Nickabcuk you made some valid points which I can really relate to. I feel that the negatives of my past experiences of public speaking have been dumped onto eachother and it is reconveyed when I am in that similiar situation. I have tried to neglect any negative thoughts before a speech, but to me it is like being told not to think... My subconcsiousness make me do it.

nickabcuk · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2004 Posts: 100

nickabcuk · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 29, 2004 Posts: 100