feeling jealousy for the first time, anyone relate?

Flax

Does anyone in here have jealousy? I like a girl I work with and she has a long time boyfriend. I will be having a great time talking to her and laughing and joking around then when she brings up here boyfriend I go silent. When she talks about him I feel jealous and I try to act normal, but I fear my different attitude shows. I have never felt jealousy in my life until I began to like her. It's pretty painful feeling for someone and knowing your never going to be with them. I remember one time I was having a great time at work with her and her boyfriend looked into the door where we were and I knew it was him even though I had only seen him briefly a year before. It sucked big time, it reminded me that I shouldn't be feeling so attracted to her because I'll just feel more pain. He came into the shop and I went silent, I didn't want to talk to him and I didn't know what to say if I did want to. She pointed out that I wasn't saying anything and I felt more awkward.
I also feel intimidated by her life outside of work. She talks about how she's going to college and how her boyfriend gets paid a lot for the company he works for. Makes me feel like less of a person.
She's one of those people that lift your mood no matter how miserable you are on a certain day. And you feel bad if she isn't smiling. The thing about her is I've never gotten along with a girl so well before.

Orlando · Posted: Fri May 07, 2004 8:22 pm Post subject:

Hi, Flax!

I have been in that situation so many times and it is painful. My trick is to say that I like her like a 'sister'. I have like special feelings for her but I know that since she is in my family I'm not going to try to date her. Usually, to make myself feel less uncomfortable, I ask a lot of questions about the boyfriend. This helps me show the woman that I'm not trying to pick her up and, usually, the woman feels more comfortable too. I noticed that the more that I talk about her boyfriend I feel better to....It is like I can put up a wall and say, "I know where my boundries are. This is as far as I want to go (as a friend/brother)....It makes me feel better.

I think it would be a bad idea to just stop communicating with her, especially if she is very friendly to you and she's a positive effect on your mood....and hey, you're going to be attracted to many women in your future. Are you going to isolate yourself from them just because you're attracted to them. No that's not right. You can still be friends and be attracted to women....You can't stop biology....but you can make the boundries for yourself....to know where you can go as a friend....and what line not to cross over (i.e., asking her out while she's in a long-term relationship.)

Finally, Flax, I usually don't try to date girls that are in a relationship. One thing is that if she would accept my propsal to go on a date, I wouldn't be able to trust her. I would think "...Well if I'm dating her, is she going to date someone else? How does she view relationships? Am I the flavor of the week?... This might not be a good idea?!?" (All female posters, this also applies you. There is no reason to pick a dog if you don't have to!).

That's what I think- Very Happy

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-Orl

crashmodem · Posted: Sun May 16, 2004 3:18 pm Post subject:

i always feel that way. Everyone i know is in a relationship, and i hear all these people everyday talk about their relationships, makes me think that i am the only single guy around here.

I am sick and tired of people complaining about their relationship problems to people that are single, because they are just trying to rub it in

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Thats My two cents (including tax)