a question

Trina · Posted: Wed May 05, 2004 6:42 pm Post subject: a question

Hello everyone, I'm new here, and pretty much just had a question.

I really think my boyfriend has social phobia, yet I have no idea what to do to help him, as he isn't willing to do anything about it himself. Here's the deal:

I've been with him for several years now, and we've always pretty much stayed to ourselves with only a couple of other close friends. Since then I've become a lot more social and met a ton of people, while he has become progressively less social. Ever since he got his own apartment he has had no human interraction except his classmates whom he avoids if at all possible, and myself. We've been discussing moving in together for quite a while and the chance has finally come up to do so a while ago. This is when he admitted that he really does not feel comfortable living or being around people for long periods of time. In fact, he said it scared him to death. I don't feel comfortable being his only friend, and I've tried to get him to meet new people, but if I ever mention someone to him, he jokingly asks me if I slept with them or something of that sort. Now that part I really don't get since I've been nothing but loyal to him and we've been friends long enough for him to know that I wouldn't do that. I feel like this is completely ruining our relationship and finally he admitted it's a problem, yet he still isn't doing anything about it. He just says he's busy and puts it off. I know he probably just wants to be left alone but he's my best friend and I don't want to see him this unhappy. I just want to know if anyone has been in a similar situation or on the other side of the spectrum of that situation, and how you dealt with this. Any help appreciated, thanks.

scardecat · Guest

well, you sound like an awful good friend, and I sure hope someone has some advice for you. What's awful to me is i would hate to see YOU pulled out of being comfortable with people to satisfy his need to be away from people, but yet, i completly understand his side too. Very important though and something that just hurts just hearing it is what he sais about you being unfaithful. If he keeps that part up, he's somehow got to get help cause it's gonna drag you down so be strong and know it is HIS problem when he sais things like that. Anyway, i get to weard trying to explain what i mean so hope someone else can help ya out. but i can say, be strong in yourself, it'll help him in the long run.

Orlando · Posted: Fri May 07, 2004 8:06 pm Post subject: Re: a question

Hi, everyone!

As a guy with social phobia, the thing that jumped out at me was....

Alternator · Posted: Sun May 09, 2004 1:27 am Post subject:

Well, he admits he has a problem. Thats the first step in recovery. It may be hard for him to take action right away, so give hime some time, but try to bring up the subject whenever you can, try to make it comfortable for you two to talk about it. Try doing different things together (just the two of you at first). If he likes to hang at home and watch movies, suggest going to the movie theater once. If he likes music, try to get him to go to a concert (small or large venue, whatever is more comfortable for him). Take small steps, thats the only advice anyone can give you, until he seeks professional help.

Trina · Posted: Tue May 25, 2004 8:24 pm Post subject:

Thank you for the advice, guys. I think you have a point, Orlando. I do believe he is kind of afraid of competing with the other guys I meet, as when I talk about something fun I did with one of my friends he sometimes answers with "well why don't you go out with him since he's so much fun?"

I've been trying to make him realize how much I care about him and need him, and I've been trying to get him to go out with me as often as possible. We watch movies quite often, go for walks, go downtown to get dinner, etc... At the same time I try and do stuff he likes. Often we stay at home and play video games, rent a movie, make dinner. Things are working out well, I think. It's still a problem that he does not want to move in with me, but I'm hoping this will change with time. For now, I'll just do my best to be a good girlfriend and a good friend as well.

Once again, thanks for the advice everyone!.