never used to be shy

ppaul · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 12:20 am Post subject: never used to be shy

After seeing a psychologist a few times, I have only just recently been able to put a name to the way I've been feeling (SA). REading everyone elses posts and hearing descriptions of other SA people from my psychologist really rings true for me.

I've always compared myself to other people and seen myself through the eyes of others rather than my own. Always analysed conversation and social events after the event (really wish i didnt, drives me crazy).

but the thing is im sure i never used to be shy. my psychologist says thats impossible and that ive always had trouble socialising. but nobody i know would describe me as shy. I've only started having big problems socially in the last year or so...but nobody who knows me would describe me as being shy. i think that people who have known me a long time just think ive gone a bit weird recently.

when i think back to when i was younger i was very friendly and outgoing without being over the top.

this is also the longest stint ive ever had at being single. while i try not pick on myself for that (which is hard to do) i think its much harder for a guy to start a relationship if he's shy than it is for a shy girl. Women seem to think your not manly enough if your she, as we all know confidence is important to women in looking for a man.

ANyways i spose all that doesnt matter that much cause i want to get my head sorted before i get into anything.

ive diverged a bit.....but does anyone else out there have similar experiences where theyve only felt as if they have been shy recently??? i've always been very selfconscious though, i supose i just used to be braver.

Paul

Chilling__Echo · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 1:48 am Post subject:

mmm, if your psychiatrist tells you that it's impossible for you to have not been shy before, i think you should see someone else.

also, about girls looking for a manly guy, i think some girls look for it but i think it's more that girls are used to a guy coming on to her strong and asking her out rather than the opposite. but not all hope is lost, there's still alot of girls out there that don't only go for the traditional chivalrous guy. good luck

LA323 · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 6:12 am Post subject:

[quote="Chilling__Echo"]mmm, if your psychiatrist tells you that it's impossible for you to have not been shy before, i think you should see someone else.

i agree

-Jp · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 9:27 am Post subject:

about your question, i Have been shy for most of my life but i had a 3 month period where it totaly disapeared (not totaly realy, i couldn't talk with girls still or one on one) but i did great with my classmates and other group oriented social situations. anyway, people would certenaily not have described me as shy during that time.

i also agree with Chilling__Echo about looking for another psychiatrist.
Your best bet is to ask for a cognitive behavioral therapist since they're most probable to be educated Well about this subject

jajdude · Newbie User Joined: Mar 17, 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Canada

Shyness is very common. I read about 50% experience it. Some cultures more than others. Some famous people like Johnny Carson or Dave letterman or Barbara Walters claim it. Man it is a strnge barrier. But if you can be an actor and assume a role perhaps you can perform the role.

firelily · Posted: Thu Mar 17, 2005 10:33 pm Post subject:

Shyness is different from social phobia isn't it? I think theres a whole lot more going on inside the heads of people with SA. I've probably been considered shy or an introvert since I was quite young but I only really developed a social phobia since mid way through high school.

nicola_maire · Posted: Tue Jun 07, 2005 9:50 pm Post subject:

well medical studies would describe it as 'extreme shyness in social situations' and if you think about it, it is. excessive personality trait become a didorder , paranioa disorder, avoident, obbsesive, complulsive. its just where it gets to the stage where your hole personality is based round one trait. if you look at it fromt he oput side, it is very ridiculous, and over the top, but for others its a harsh reality which stops us from doing normal things like asking someone in a shop for help, for me even giving in a cv, because the staff are standing in a circle chatting. if i dont already sound liek a phychologist, im starting phychology in september, so im genraly good at this. but its hard understanding phycholgy in science, like being a doctor and a patient in one. but alwasy start small, so what your most comfortable with first, try, test and stamp. if you start big, you'll almost certainly fail because of nerv's, not becasue your a 'fool' or whatever you indavidualy critacize yourselfs for. for me it was entering the staff room at my previous emplyment, at times was still nerv racking. but the worst was going back into work, after i blaintently had a panic attack. i was shaking, but people were actualy quite supportive, they just asked if i felt better, i mean this was a hairdressers, so people can be alright. good luck to all of you me lovly's.

Hellraising · Intermediate User Joined: Apr 07, 2005 Posts: 260

I never used to be shy either. I used to be really outgoing and was an attention seeker. The first words out of people's mouths when they described me was 'outgoing' and 'daring'. Now, I have severe social anxiety and I have been housebound for 7 months. Umm... I guess that's it.

Are you 'shy' or do you have SA? There's a difference.