Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2004 1:21 am Post subject: Social Anxiety and Pornography
Is your social phobia somehow related to pornography use? It seems that one of the motivations that people used to have for venturing out into the world was to have the basic human need for sexual intimacy satisfied. Perhaps pornography has been a crutch for social anxiety (and therefore a cause of it).
In order to make this less hypothetical, I am a young man who has spent time looking at pornography. The years I have used it pretty much track the years I have suffered from social inhibition. I remember walking around my campus seeing people interacting in healthy ways and feeling like pornography was my substitute and consolation.
I was never much into pornography, but I curse the day I looked at it, and I've taken steps so that use is no longer a behavior of mine.
I think you may be dealing with some guilt issues about looking at the porn that may not have anything to do with social anxiety at all. I can remember having SA as far back as 3 years of age, and I didn't even know porn existed at that age.
I think you may be overly concerned that peole may find out about you looking at it somehow & so what if they do, you can look at what ever you want to look at and that doesn't necessarily make you abnormal or a pervert.
Apart from issues of "shame," "guilt," and "wrong," the desire for sex used to be one of those things that brought shy people out of their homes and in contact with other people. Seeking and having sex has the tendency of obliterating social anxiety. Now, we can meet all of our sexual needs alone, in our homes, in front of our glowing screens. Does it make our lives solitary and brutish?
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 267 Location: United States of America
Posted: Mon Jun 07, 2004 5:03 pm Post subject:
Dear Seeking Freedom,
You are very courageous bringing up this topic. I thank you for you truthfulness. I have a problem with pornography too. I know it gets in my way of being happy. I only look at it when I feel extremely sad or angry at something. However, I feel more lonelier afterwards. I mean, you cant talk to a magazine or a video cassette tape.
Porn is a sad subsitute for the real thing. Not only that sex is a sad subsitute for the relationship. Sex can only last for a few hours. What can couples do after that? How can they get along if they don't talk in the first place? How can they enjoy their life together if they don't know each other in the first place?
For me, porn is a very sad escape because it kind of perpetuates a cycle. I'm alone. I feel lonely. I get sad and upset. I look toward a distraction (porn). Kinda like an addiction. It is certainly easier to look at porn than face my fears about women. It is certainly easier to look at porn than to endure the mistakes and failures that occur in dating. It is certainly easier to look at porn than to give the time and energy to working a relationship. However, is it worth it? No. I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want to share it with another person. Possibly have children also.
I am lucky that I have not adopted a lifestyle that encourages porn to pervade all aspects of my life. Some guys throw a lot of money away like that. Some guys devote a lot of time too.
Guilt and Loneliness are the two consequences that I feel. Seeking Freedom, I understand what you are going thru.
Joined: Mar 03, 2004 Posts: 267 Location: United States of America
Posted: Sat Jun 12, 2004 3:55 am Post subject:
Hi, Nomane1!
Specifically, I don't think that not looking at porn will take away your shyness. I think you're still going to feel uncomfortable around women...but atleast you will be around people, not fantasy images. For me, porn is an easy way to avoid my responsibility of persuing my own happiness. The sexual gratification gained from pornography is empty and blocks my real desire to relate to women.
The shyness (with women) will go away if you work at it. If you have the desire and the right reason to do it (to be a good husband and father), then I think eventually you will overcome it. I only say this because I know that I will endure a lot of pain and fustration for something that is going to be worth it. I am looking forward to a relationship because it will be 50 or 1000 times better than just watching a TV set. Good Luck!
P.S.
I hate it when I write so self-righteously. (I promise I won't write like this again!) I'm not the Pope. I'm not a saint or an angel. I'm not calling anyone evil or a worse sinner than I am. I just don't want people to fall into the same trap that I have fallen into. When it comes down to it....It's painful and lonely....and it stinks.
I am feeling it since early in this morning.. It's powerfull, i was %80 good mood.. Because we have just talk yesterday!!! And i made my mind, now you are telling something else!!
This is really good, i feel it will be better after the time.. Today, after work i approach to the girl i call her out.. It's impossible if my face like the day before, it doesnt matter girl or boy also!! There is no such a think i have problem talking to the girl.. Usually i don't want to make a conversation with anybody.. But if i am in good mood, you can't imagine how i am different, how i am talkative!! I know my mood will be better if i stay away from that!!
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