A Place to Introduce Yourself

MPS · Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:08 pm Post subject:

Hey people, Cool

I've been a semi-lurker on this forum for almost a year now and can relate to many of the problems, difficulties and challenges you all have experienced.

I've had social phobia for around 6 years now, but I've only been aware that such a condition existed for a little over a year. I always wondered why I felt the way I felt or behaved the way I did, but always assumed that It was just my nature. For some reason the term 'social phobia' just popped into my head one time, I then typed it into google and discovered the symptoms described me to a tea. I remember breaking down whilst reading some of the descriptions - I think it was a combination of finally identifying what was wrong with me and realising that I was going to need some serious help. This was a little under a year ago and I still haven't told anyone about my condition.

Anyway, It's good to know that your not the only one who goes through this nightmare on a daily basis. I honestly don't know whether I'll ever be rid of this as it has taken up such a significant role in my life. I've lost friends/potential love interests because of it and have almost began to just accept that this 'social phobia' will always be a part of me.

MPS

SilverLiner · Posted: Fri Jun 17, 2005 10:24 pm Post subject:

*waves* hey

My name's Simon, I'm 22 and have been shy for as long as I can remember. I don't know wether it's SA or not, have never been to a doctor to diagnose it. But it's comforting to know other people are going through the same thing and hopefully will learn a lot from each other.

cosmo - I can totally relate. When I'm talking, walking etc I can't be myself. As soon as you give me a guitar or mandolin I'm totally fine, feel totally relaxed and can express what I'm feeling through it.

_________________
I'm never speaking up again, it only hurts me.

missy · Posted: Sat Jun 18, 2005 3:27 am Post subject: ah sorry this is soo long

hello..my names missy im 16..i've kinda always been very shy..preschool i had no friends and evuntually my mom just took me out..kindergarten i had one friend.. i would never participate in any like christmas show for school where you like sing and do little hand motions i would just kinda stand there, the music teacher hated me bcuz i would never sing. up until like 4th grade i only had that one friend..and in 4th grade i duno i was like popular and my shyness wasnt really much of an issue from then to 7th grade. 7th grade was great the first year of middle school 4 of my best friends from elementry school were cheerleaders blah blah you kno..i started smokin weed and i just had a blast..school was no problem for me like i wasnt really shy at all i had so much confidence and didnt really cared what others thought of me that was all in cleveland..

then at the end of 7th grade my parents lost the house filed bankrupcy and yeha they decided to start a new life and move to florida..that was the worst thing ever. i didnt know anybody so therefore i had no friends..and just got soo depressed and then school started..it was awful i didnt talk to anyone, i sat alone at lunch blah blah and so after like 3 months of that they placed me in this special class..with like 10 kids and you dint have to change classes or anything and it was great..since there was only 10 kids in one little class all day you got to know each other pretty well so i made friends had my first girlfriend..i wasnt popular like i used to be but hey i had friends..they were all punk/gothic whatever so yeha if all ur friends are that way ur gunna start to be like that too..i had two best friends and everyday before school we'd get together and smoke a joint and everyday after school we'd just chill till like 10 and smoke it was great then at the end of 8th grade we got evicted and hadda move it was only like a mile down the road but still it wasnt like walking distance and so slowly we just drifted apart..since i moved we were no longer in the same school district so when high school came all my friends were in another school so it was pretty much like starting all over again..i finally made two new best friends one was my girlfriend then in like febuary she got locked up and still is my other friend crashed my dads car one night when i was babysitting... i asked her to stay home and watch my brothers while i went to go pick up our friend kelly and she was like blah blah i'll do it so i trusted her and she crashed it and eventually we drifted apart and she stopped doin drugs anyhoo prolly somewhere between 8th and 9th grade i started having my SA problems..i coodnt smoke with new people i'd get really really paranoid and just wood not talk and kinda sit there like omg their all looking at me my self esteem was just gone i hated looking at myself in the mirror and yeha but i got a new best friend kelly..and she dint do much drugs and pretty much i had no other friends than her and so i slowed down alot on that and was sober alot and i geuss thats when i actually realized like wow i cant even like go shopping i feel like everyones watching me..i cant really meet new people because i just cant talk..i over analyze every little thing and when i try to talk its like my throats closing up and i can hardly get out what im trying to say and so i had like one friend up until like three months ago this girl i new back in 8th grade moved back from tennesse and i started up on all the drugs again i wasnt sober for like 2 and a half months and SA wasnt much of a problem i usually wood just chill with her and we'd drive around all day get fucked up she didnt really have many friends since she just moved back so i didnt really have to meet people or anything but my mom didnt like her too much from what shes heard in the past about her from one of my friends moms once i got her to give her a chance but i geuss we fucked up and yeha so i havent seen her in like two weeks or really talked to her and my one best friend kelly is in camp in north caralina shes coming back tuesday but then in like a week shes moving to n.c. so yeha i pretty much have no friends and im really depressed i've been sober for like a week and yeha im on paxil but it doesnt seem to do anything for me..i had this one counselor for like 2 years and i could talk to her about anything she was great but she recently moved away so yeah i dont think i could find another one and really open up much

wow i just realized i just wrote like 3 pages worth of nothing..so i think im going to shut up now Embarassed

. sorry for boring you all with like my life story. but yeah i think it would be great to talk to someone else with SA or maybe even meet someone who understands..so if anyone would like to talk then just message me or whatever

ScaredGirl · Posted: Sun Jun 19, 2005 2:31 am Post subject:

Wow. Thanks everyone for posting. I'm going to move this to the top so newbies will see it.

Take Care All,

SG

ellesor · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 1:51 am Post subject:

Ah. Here.

Hello.
I'm 22 years of age. Female. Webdesigner/Graphic Artist.
Has SP. Seeking information, that's why I got here.
I view myself as someone totally out of synch. Out of this world. Eccentric.
Quiet. In fact it's possible that I don't have a voice. (and that's what most people tell me, too! -which is mostly true)
I hate interaction (especially talking) with people (I avoid it as much as I can). I get butterflies (or maybe fire-breathing dragons) everytime. I love being by myself.

I eat alone. Go to movies alone. Go shopping alone. (or sometimes with a few good friends). I absolutely despise being touched, hugged or even approached without my permission (such an act would have me in a fit of rage.). Hell, I like working alone.

Although I don't really have problems with giving a speech or explaining something (provided it's work related), I die every time I have to make one. But once I get rolling, I'm okay. I still don't like it.

I read a lot. Play videogames a lot. On weeks ends, I love to stay at home, having movie marathons, drawing portraits...etc...rather than going out. Crowds drive me crazy!

My dream (ideal) is to build a house on top of a hill (a mansion-castle size)...maybe 28 floors or something, complete with mote, a drawbridge...etc.. with great furnishings...but I would have one room in the highest tower...accessible only through ONE elevator...where no one will bother me. Maybe something like the life of Howard Hughes. Yeah. I'm crazy.

_________________
-- ...there is no light, but darkness visible...

black_mamba · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 1:57 am Post subject:

ellesor · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:11 am Post subject:

hehehe...been contemplating about it for sometime now. Since I'm not a billionaire like Howard Hughes, maybe I'll settle for a house in the country, with very high fences... and the distance from the front gate to the house should be two kilometers or something.

I actually got the idea while playing Final Fantasy VIII (rpg)...the main villain (Ultimecia) lives in the highest tower of castle....and it kinda appealed to me. Smile

_________________
-- ...there is no light, but darkness visible...

black_mamba · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:16 am Post subject:

How about Lara's mansion in the early tomb raider games? Sounds like your fantasy house, although I was always a bit freaked out by the fact that she could never get past her front gates. Confused

Wow the architecture in FF8 was breath-taking, when I dream at night often the buildings are rendered in the style of that game.

ellesor · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:24 am Post subject:

oh yes...that was frustrating...can't get out of the gates...a metaphor for SP, maybe. ;P

You're right about the architecture...wish I was not just playing, but really there...how silly can I get? :p And I could relate to the main character (Squall Leonhart), the those thoughts he has are, most of the time, an exact "copy" of my own thoughts.

I also remember another game, Silent Hill, a very disturbing, but also very accurate portrayal of things that go bump in my mind...

black_mamba · Posted: Mon Jun 20, 2005 2:30 am Post subject:

I used to think the ultimate video game for people like us would be a complete replica of real life; a mix of GTA (with all the movement and transport available) and the sims. Also, the access to guns would be great, and the reset button too! *is in heaven*

[Sorry for the topic digression!]

Over and out. Smile