My Husband is Having Panic Attacks

Ladyk

Hi

I'm 29 and have been married to a lovely man for just over a year. We have been together for over 4 years. He's never been one for socialising much, he doesn't drink and he doesn't enjoy going to pubs. But we have always enjoyed going out for meals either with friends or on our own. For some reason, over the past 6 months, everytime we make arrangements to go out for a meal he has a panic attack and we end up having to cancel or having to come home early.

We went to Scotland for our first wedding anniversary, it was going to be so romantic, we were staying in a castle and had a beautiful suite overlooking the hills. He was fine up until the point that we went down to eat dinner and then he had one of his attacks, which leave him exhausted and feeling ill for at least a day. Unfortunately we had to come home the next day.

This weekend we'd planned to meet friends at a restaurant for a meal, but he started feeling shakey and sick earlier that afternoon and by the time we'd arrived at the car park he couldn't even stand up! He was struggling to breath, sweating, shaking and couldn't face going any further.

The strange thing is that he works full-time and has a very responsible job. He is ok to go for lunch with suppliers and he enjoys going karting with friends. It seems to be only when we go out for an evening meal together.

We don't do much as a couple, and meals out were the one thing we enjoyed together. It's hard not to get angry with him as I feel as though he doesn't want to go out with me.

How can I deal with this situation in a way to help him? I have been to the doctor with him who was useless and just gave him a leaflet to read. It had somne self-help exercises on, but they have made no difference. In fact, I would say he's got increasingley worse!

Any ideas?

Thanks!

Kay Sad

neddy · Posted: Mon Jun 21, 2004 3:22 pm Post subject:

Hello, has anything happened over the last 6 months to bring these attacks on. Maybe they have been there all the time but are slowly getting worse with time.

Don't take it too hard, I'm sure you are not the reason why your husband doesn't want to go out with you, there has to be a reason why. Like me I am unable to bring myself to go into a crowded room full of strangers, I stress out when I meet people for the first time and am at the stage where even going into a supermarket makes me feel like I am way out of my comfort zone.

I have these feelings and I work fulltime in the hospitality industry. I work 12 to 16 hours a day driving taxis where I have to talk to people and be polite to them, I have no problem with this at all and actually feel very comfortable in my job, it's just a shame I can't be like that out of work as well, but I am working on it.

I guess the first step would be the work out why he is getting these attacks, its often hard to get males to seek help as they feel it is a sign of weakness but if he is interested try to get him to a counsellor who deals with social anxiety and panic attacks to work out what is causing it and then take little small steps to overcome it. It sounds really easy but it is actually a very hard thing to do but well worth the effort in the end as life is way too short to put up with sa. Your last Dr wasnt much help to you or wasnt very understanding so I would try to find another one who has experience in that area and is willing to listen to you and point you in the right direction, they are out there. Sorry if I wasnt much help, hope things get a little better soon.

Tilboy

[Hi LadyK
I have read your story and just wondered if you are still using this site, if so then I'll contact you only my partner suffers from severe anxiety, panic attacks and I understand where your coming from.

Lesley